How to get back on track

[chasingme]

Hi all,

First time poster. This question really has a few facets to it so I'll try my best to break it down. I've been diagnosed with GAD and SAD and I had been on medication for about a year and had been seeing a psychologist. I'd had my symptoms for about two years before hand and as a result I lost contact with a lot of my friends. After treatment I had managed to get back in touch with a few good friends who I talked to and saw regularly. Just my luck however, that these people managed to get jobs away from where I live, not within a comfortable day visit. 

I'd also started to be comfortable in my "workplace", I was doing an honours year in a laboratory I'd been with for 2 years. It's something I really love. I applied for a phd position and was accepted into a different lab. Unfortunately, due to new university regulations instead of starting late January as I thought, I don't start until April. No one wants to hire someone for just three months so I haven't gotten a paying job.

The "big boss" of the lab doesn't want to pay me to be where I did my honours. This would have been fine as my supervisor had fallen pregnant and couldn't work and I volunteered to help her out as she'd helped me a lot during scholarship applications. Except things started happening that really started making me feel like I wasn't wanted there. I got moved out of my office desk and had no where to sit during the day I was there, the big boss took me off his mailing list for meetings, I wasn't invited to the Christmas party etc. I started getting panicky thinking I wasn't wanted and stopped going during December, telling my supervisor that my anxiety (which only she knows about) was acting up and I needed to take a break.

So for the last month or so I've sat at home by myself doing nothing and I'm worried I'll end up stuck. I feel like a burden when my boyfriend comes home from work because I take up all his time. I've already started feeling useless, worried I'll never account to anything in my life because I'll fail the phd etc I need advice to get out of the house or get myself feeling good about myself again. 

a) How do I get the courage to go back to my old lab so at least I'm doing something? What do I say when I go back?

b) I would love to have some friends to visit but find one on one things hard. How do I see people?

c) How do I find myself something to do other than refreshing facebook every 5 minutes?

 Thanks for all your help.

[Beltane]

Hmm, there are certainly a few facets here. First, welcome to beyond blue, i can see you are new. And well done, you seem to be wanting to make friends and engage with interesting things in life- this is a really important thing for those of us with "mentally interesting" conditions to do- to prevent relapse, and to enjoy life at its fullest. its great to see you looking for these positive things for your life.

As you say, a life refreshing facebook isn't very enjoyable at all 😞

Do you see a therapist? you are eligible for medicare funded visits- a therapist could help you learn coping skills, decision-making skills and other life skills so you can achieve all these wonderful goals you have. They could also help you work through your fears about failing your Phd.

its worth noting that for me at least, i find being bored sets off a bunch of my anxieties- its like you have nothing to do all day but let your brain think up nightmares to worry about. If i have things to do, i dont get all clingy to my boyfriend and become a ball of anxiety 😛

As for your lab.. could you start off small perhaps? Do you feel comfortable giving your old boss a call (or sending an email, though that's less personal) and say "Hey, i'm really missing the lab and my old workmates, could i volunteer a few hours a week?"

There's Meetup.com, a website based around finding groups that share your interests.

What you need is a hobby. Oh you could find anything- you could learn to sew quilts, learn guitar, take up a language class or an art class. Something you can do at home too. Or something you can go to most days, like a sporting team.

I personally have been where you are, as i said earlier- getting all bored and anxious from nothing to do (either between jobs or even just on days off)

I took up a girls only pole-dancing class for 2 years 😛 (i mean the sport dancing, not the strip-club dancing). It made me feel wonderful, beautiful, confident... Now I do Crossfit every day. In both sports I've made new friends, have fun, learned cool new skills and most importantly have something to look forward to and keeps me busy. No matter how bad my day is, I always have Crossfit to look forward to.

I also learned to sew and make patchwork quilts, have taught myself guitar, and am studying also while looking for work. I'm never bored now 😛

Think of something you've "always wanted to do/ wish you could do" and then go find a class (preferably a group class so you can make friends) and then go do it!

[Neil_1]

Hi there Chasing Me;

Along with Beltane, I too would like to welcome you to Beyond Blue.

Beltane has provided you with an excellent response – plenty to read through there and take in;  hopefully there’s a few things in her post that really have helped or given you thoughts/triggers to get something started.

So yes, I’d be getting in contact with the boss and hopefully they may be able to accept you back – even on a lighter format than before;  perhaps even a couple of days a week;  or just mornings?   Just some kind of option so you can get back in again.

With regard to friends, the ones I mostly meet up with are at the gym – and that’s because I’m there and they’re there and there’s no other option;   but if there was an option, in my state, I’d rather avoid contact.  But in making contact, I always prefer email over phone, over directly seeing people.  So if you’re able to email someone, then that’s always a good way to have some communication.  No need for instant responses – but you get the chance to think and answer in a better fashion, than being ‘put on the spot’.

And lastly, hobbies, interests, sports activities and other things like this – think of things that might be of interest to you;  or something you’d feel keen to get into ;  this can be a great diversion.

Kind regards

Neil