How I’m feeling

[lila222222]

Hello,

i feel as though no one cares and I don’t know where it’s coming from. I’m not normally like this but recently I’ve been picking up on times where people don’t care about my feelings and I just loose it and tell them to f--- off. At first it was with my friends but now I see it with my family. I keep pushing people away but the one thing I want is someone to genuinely care and be there for me. Does anyone have any advice?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

One of the most annoying things about mental health issues is that they are invisible to the naked eye. If others don't experience MH suffering,  it's not dissimilar to an astronaut describing what space was like. Therefore it's only the empathetic that reach out. Because MH issues are ongoing people also wear thin on patience especially when we are prone to mentioning it at every gathering. 

That's why forums like this grows every year, sharing with those experienced in enduring the ups and downs.

Even a caring spouse can feel like a therapist over time. Luckily for me my wife has depression so we support each other.

With some illnesses there is a cycle, it's important if you identify you have one, to allow yourself time for that cycle to go through it's thing and respond positively when you begin recovering. Be kind to yourself. 

Google- beyondblue anxiety- how I eliminated it 

Reply anytime

TonyWK 

[therising]

Hi lila

My heart goes out to you while you wish people would start caring in all the right ways, ways that could begin to make a positive difference to you. I hope you're able to find the difference you need here, for a start.

I think finding people who are able to relate to a lot of different feelings or emotions can make a huge difference at times, something Tony touches on. It's like how 2 people who can relate to depression, through personal experience, can have an emotional language they understand and share. For example, if one was to say to the other 'I don't know what to do. I feel so depressed. I feel like I'm just twisting in the wind with no sense of direction', the other who has a reference for that feeling is not going to simply say 'You'll be okay'. What they may say is 'It's horrible, hey. It really can feel so depressing. We need to help you gain a sense of direction so that you can start feeling yourself heading in that direction'. While 'You'll be okay', 'You just need to stop overthinking things', 'You need to stop being so sensitive', 'You just need to smile more often', 'I love you' etc etc are well meaning, such things can also be enraging at times as the questions become 'How am I going to be okay?', 'How am I meant to stop overthinking when I'm actually trying to analyse the hell out of things, so as to find even just an ounce of heaven on earth?', 'How can I manage to stop sensing (being sensitive to) what I'm feeling?', 'How am I meant to start smiling when it feels like there's nothing to smile about?' and 'How can I feel loved, when I just don't feel it?'. To sum it all up, there's no plan for managing to achieve any of that stuff. They're just words without a plan.

Being a gal who's experienced the ins and outs of depression for a few decades or so, it took me years to figure out why I'd become angry and push people away at times. Being able to define what 'love' means to me made all the difference. In my mind, love is found in evolution. If a person leads me to evolve through and beyond a depressing period, I feel loved by them. I feel loved through their efforts and through their sense of wonder, with them wondering about all the best possible plans when it comes to helping me move forward. I feel loved by them when they help me analyse the hell out of life or how I'm feeling. I feel loved while they make an effort to gain a better sense of how I'm feeling and I feel loved by them if they can lead me to smile, even if relates to what's completely ridiculous. I do not feel love through simple words, such as 'I love you'. I feel love through action. And I'm someone who loves or expresses love through my actions. It applies to self love too. I can't just try and convince myself that I love me, I have to take action in ways that express self love. You coming here is an expression of self love. You took action in moving forward, in evolving through this challenging part of your life in some way. Self love isn't always easy to recognise.

I've found part of the challenge with mental health can involve challenging others. Btw, it may not win you any popularity contests (with you being so challenging) but it can get results. The next time someone says 'You'll be okay', ask them 'How?' and then see what they come up with. You'll start to sort out who's who. Those who always follow with 'I don't know' are not you 'go to' people when it comes to solutions. Those who are more inclined to say stuff like 'Leave it with me, I'll work it out and get back to you' (which they do) or 'Let's figure this out together' are your guides or 'solutions' people. If you're sensitive enough, you'll easily be able to get a sense of or a feel for who's who. You'll feel those who raise you, those who don't (leaving you on the same level) and those who bring you down. ❤️