How do I stop anxiety controlling me?

[Mares73]

Hi all

i posted a thread in the depression forum called "I'm bk-latest chapter in turmoil" but I've been thinking & now believe my severe anxiety leads to depression.

i have gone from a bubbly outgoing high achiever to someone who struggles to leave the house or even get dressed some days. This has been going on for several years. I no longer work.

i need to be strong as my husband has Acute leukaemia & I have 2 children who are resentful that I'm so affected by anxiety that I often can't do things with them. I make promises then wake up with severe anxiety & feel I can't leave house. They are 16 & 12.

Then I have a civil case against a priest who abused me when young.

The anxiety has become so debilitating that I can't function as I need to. It starts from the minute I wake up. Racing thoughts, rapid pulse, sick with nerves on stomach & so on. I often notice I'm struggling with my breathing.  I'm on medication & seeing a therapist but still this anxiety is defining me & my life. 

I feel broken by it. It's stopping me living a decent life. It's preventing me from doing things with my kids & its isolating me from my husband. 

Ive tried meditation but I end up more anxious that I'm not doing it right!

i honestly feel I can't get through another year with my life defined by crippling anxiety. I have big issues & responsibilities ie my husbands health, the court case, caring for my children. I can't bare another year of isolating myself & avoiding things out of fear. Worst of all is I feel unable to stop or control the anxiety. It feels like its controlling me. 

All I want is to be able to wake up & not be overwhelmed by anxiety. This is existing rather than living. It's chronic.

Has anyone else felt defined by anxiety? Has anyone beaten it?

id appreciate any advice.

mares X

[Mummybee]

Hi Mares,

Sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment, and a lot of reasons to be feeling the normal feelings of stress and anxiety. Obviously though this has gone beyond a normal reaction for you and it  is now defining and controlling your life. But that doesn't mean it always has to!

It also sounds to me that you have already taken steps to try and get better, seeking professional help, medication etc.

I don't want to tell you the same old stuff that im sure you have heard before, excersise, breathing rotations, games, mindfulness and all that, im sure you have seen and been told about all that already. What I do want to tell you is, if you haven't tried those things,  then do them! I find they are the best way for me to feel like im more than my anxious mind and body.

I also wanted to touch on what you said about "I no longer work". Is this because you cant work anymore, or you don't want to because of your anxiety. I know you said your husband is sick so perhaps you are caring for him? The reason I ask is because I find working helps me. I only work two days a week during school terms, and I find that during holidays I feel more anxious because my mind has a lot more time to worry about stupid things. I suffer from Health anxiety, so keeping my mind off my body and onto something challenging helps me a lot. Is perhaps getting a non stressful part time job an option for you? or even volunteering?

mummybee

[Dwwmills]

Hi Mares.

You certainly do have a couple of real-life anxiety provoking issues happening in your life at the moment. Anyone would find these difficult.

The only way to stop anxiety controlling you is for you to take control of your anxiety. Unfortunately there is no wake up tomorrow and it’s gone scenario. It is up to you to take control of the whole situation. If your medication isn’t working go back and see your GP or even better see a psychiatrist as they are more highly trained. Your therapy is the same if it’s not working go back and talk to them about it. You need to be practising what the therapist tells you in between sessions as the sessions alone will not be very effective. There are lots of good websites, books and apps out there that can teach you how to use cognitive-based therapy to tackle anxiety. The good part about these is you can use them anytime and they will fit in very well with what you’re psychologist is trying to do.

Medication, CBT, relaxation therapy, mindfulness, getting sleep pattern sorted, eating well and exercise all contribute a small amount each to tackling anxiety but as a group the overall effect can be quite marked.

The more you learn about anxiety and ways to deal with it the more control you will have over it. It’s a slow process but seeing even small progress can be quite empowering.

I suffered badly from anxiety and a couple years ago I decided to tackle it and take charge of it myself. Using the methods above I am now off medication and my anxiety is under control. I practice CBT daily, keep track of my sleep, eating and exercise to help me stay well. I did not do this alone my psychologist and my psychiatrist played a big part but deciding it was my responsibility was a game changer.

Good luck

[blondguy]

Hi Mares

You are doing it very hard right now...Your plate is very full so to speak and have a lot to deal with 😞

Mummybee and Dww make some very good points that will help you heal. Your anxiety unfortunately has some bite. I am sorry about your work and what you are currently going through. You will become a high achiever again Mares. This might not mean much as I am limited to providing too much information....and it may not work either but I used to 'fight' and try to 'control' my anxiety attacks but it never really worked....My counselors kept telling me not to have so much on my plate (yes even not speaking to the negative people in my life,family or otherwise) and  'offload some of the toxins' in my life and swim with the anxiety, not against it. The anxiety does dissipate. It can only get so severe for so long then loses it's get up and go. I am not an expert Mares but you getting on here is a huge step towards crushing the anxiety.

I can empathize and understand the level of anxiety you are going through...and its awful.

The Alaskan Malamute on your left helped me lol. I do hope you feel better soon......says me listening to American Pie by Don McLean 🙂

Hang in There and well done on getting on here.....Legend!

Paul