How can I find independence?

[eckybecky]

Hello, I'm 32, three beautiful children and an amazing husband, but I am struggling with my anxiety.

Its mainly social anxiety. I never leave the house by myself. I don't drive, I always have my husband or mum mum with me if I have an appointment with someone. I never invite friends around, and in doing so I really don't have any friends as I am too cut off. I don't look anyone in the eye and very rarely hold a full conversation with someone other than family.

Its horrible being so dependent on my family. I would love to be able to duck down town to buy milk, or go for a walk, or go to church, which I have missed for years and would love to go back.

I just don't know how to overcome this fear. Right now I'm shaking and crying because I am talking to you guys, even though you don't know who I am and you all understand mental health issues. Whenever I send a text or email to someone, even someone I know and trust, I instantly freak out and wish I hadn't sent it, even if it just said hello or how are you. i know I will feel this way as soon as I post this but I am desperate.

I'm not seeking an instant solution to this problem but would love to hear from those in similar situations who may have some advice or support?

Thank you for listening to me

[Cath_Marie]

First of all, I want to say I understand how terrifying it is to put yourself out there. Personally, I worry other people are going to judge me for what I say, or I make up a chain of hypothetical bad things that might happen every time I make a decision. Or I think I’m not worth listening to. If you feel like any of those things, I can definitely relate. I don’t know how much practical advice I can give you, I’m struggling with some similar things, but I can sympathise and tell you what I’ve seen in me and my family.

One of the things that helped me was getting a job where I HAVE TO talk to people constantly, but there isn’t necessarily a long term me-client relationship. It kind of forced me to practice talking, over and over, but since there are heaps of clients who aren’t regulars, it takes the pressure off a little. I wouldn’t recommend it as a first step, it’s too intense. But I can tell you the whole ‘situation’ can improve. My social anxiety is still pretty severe. I still have times I panic over what I said, where I analyse every word. But I can also now have times where I have a conversation and am happy.

My mum had some similar issues when I was young, she didn’t really improve till she got medication and counselling (and acknowledged some of her triggers) but she had issues other than anxiety.

I’m also not sure if you feel guilty about being so dependent on your family, but if you do, forgive yourself. And use them. Have them help you go places. If you want to try a little exercise, like talking to someone in a shop, have them with you.

And I’m going to worry about replying to you, so believe me I get it. I hope at least this lets you know you aren’t alone and it was ok to make a post.

[CMF]

Hi eckybecky and welcome,

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling but glad you have a beautiful and supportive family. How long have you felt this way? I'm assuming you are a full time mum, this in itself can cause us to lose confidence in the 'outside world' as we can lose touch due to less interaction. How old are your children? Do you have a playgroup or mothers group? Sometimes even just doing activities at the library can connect you with other mums.

the first step would be to see your gp and get some counselling if you haven't already.

wishing you the best.

cmf

[monkey_magic]

Hi eckybecky & welcome,

I, myself have felt the way you do. I'd suggest small accomplishments at a time which is what u r doing and deep breaths afterwards to relax yourself.

I find exercise really helps with my anxiety.

U may be stuck in the mud but there is a way out I promise. U may have also lost yourself from putting others needs before your own.

Its time to get yourself back.

My mum says " feel the fear & do it anyway". So I say that to myself when the anxiety comes on.

Hope it all eases for you. Lots of ppl feel the way u do, hope u get some comfort out of that.

Best wishes 🙂 & do things u want to do 🙂