Hullo everyone, I have recently joined beyondblue and it's wonderful to hear you all 😊 👍🏼
I am single 30, living in Sydney. Lover of fine arts, oil painting, and sketching sorts of arts. Currently taking art classes at The Rocks.
My primary diagnosis is Anorexia Nervosa which I have battled for 11 years now. Bipolar II Disorder, with Non-Melancholic Depressive episodes; GAD and Personality Disorder. Life hasn't been the best but eating (or not eating) I have control over and I know that triggers my other mental health issues which results in extreme dieting, starvation, over-exercising and most of the time, nobody notices not even my brother because eating is such a fundamental pleasurable activity that people just assume you're doing it, even when no one's watching.
Anorexia plays a big part in my life. I would say it is the top dog of all my health issues. So I start my morning by weighing myself, it's a very regiment thing for me waking up, everything is in order and it can be very difficult because I share with my brother and he is often up before me and that kind of behaviour for people to do is not normal so I have to do in secret. I feel extremely ashamed sometimes as I feel I'm abusing his trust and space. Anyway I will weigh myself and whatever the scale says I wouldn't be happy if I had lost weight, and I wouldn't be happy for sure if I had gain weight. It causes so much anxiety before weighing myself every time and if I had gained weight, it affects not just my mood, it brings upon strong depression and really bad mood swings and I feel awful about myself (it is pretty bad anyway, but it would be pretty bad if I had gained weight.
I remember growing up, I was such an inquisitive child at school and at college my mind was never focussed, was restless, always wandering, I could not pay attention, always used to be so fussy around food, poor body image but I was very proper which turned into perfectionism and it changed my life forever... but I started to expect the same from others including my family and as a result a lot of broken friendships, relationships, conflicts at workplace... In my youth it only got much worse and inclined to a point where it has now become a big part of my life. However I am in recovery and hope to beat it without relapsing🤞🏼🤞🏼
Of all my mental health issues, if God can take away one I wish it would be anorexia for sure🙏🏼🙏🏼
Bless you all lovely people
take care
XXX
