Help me

[justcant]

Hello everyone.

I’m Sarah and just joined the forum.

I’ll get to it. I need help. I feel like I am losing my mind and myself. I have no joy and my soul is exhausted. I haven’t even smiled on the last three days. I am being completely ruined by my driving anxiety.

A bit of background, I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety and been under the care of a psychiatrist since I was fifteen up until three years ago when she retired. We ended on a good note. My medications were working well, I was feeling good and stable. I did go to see a new psychiatrist but that quickly ended after she repeatedly body shamed me (that’s for another time). There have been big changes in the past few years along with all the Covid going’s on. My mother’s health has worsened and I’m a carer for her to a degree, there’s been terrible financial pressures, I’ve recently lost a lot of weight (48kgs) which is great but has come with it’s a challenges. I’ve lost three pets. All I wanted this year was for me and everyone I love to have a nice Christmas. Four of my loved ones were in hospital this Christmas and my dad (who suffers from untreated depression himself) was unwell Christmas Day with this. I hold very little hope for the new year.

My stress is causing me to have very bad panic attacks while driving.  I might start out fine and then I feel like I can’t go above 50km because I’m going to lose control and want to break and stop. I have driven for years and this has never happened before. It got so bad today that I couldn’t pick up my husband (who doesn’t drive) from work and he had to Uber home and I had to drive at a snails pace home. The worst it’s ever been.

I have an appointment to see my GP for help this coming Wednesday as the clinic is closed for new year. 

In the mean time, can anyone help me? I feel as low as I can go. I feel trapped.

 
Thank you for reading this 

[Sophie_M]

Dear Justcant,

Thank you for finding the courage to post in our warm and caring community. We can hear you’re going through a difficult time and have been feeling anxious, depressed, and experiencing panic attacks. 
 
Lifeline offer crisis support, available 24/7 on 13 11 14, or online: https://www.lifeline.org.au/  

If you’d prefer to reach out to us, we’re on 1300 22 4636, or you can use our webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/  

If there’s ever an immediate risk of harm, the number to call is 000 (triple zero).  
 
We’d also recommend having a look at the Beyond Blue safety planning app. You can read about how it works and where to download it here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning  

You can even call Lifeline and complete it with one of their counsellors over the phone if you'd like.  

Thanks again for sharing. We hope you'll hear back from our community in response to your post sometime today and that there's some comfort in that for you.  

Kind regards,   

Sophie_M

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you Sarah 🙂

My heart goes out to you so much while you struggle to makes sense in some ways as to why things have become so incredibly hard and so unbelievably challenging, on top of you having had to cope with a lot of significant challenges along the way.

I think inner dialogue can play a big part in us not realising just how bad things are getting (how much the scales are actually tipping toward tipping point). Inner dialogue like 'I'll be fine, I can cope with this' or 'I need to manage everything' only works well when we're not saying it constantly to all the challenges that are coming in, thick and fast, one after the other. When there's too much to manage, 'I'll be fine, I can cope with this' etc can become lies we tell our self. I found this out for myself last year when I reach a serious tipping point in my life. While I'm a gal who's managed the ins and outs of depression most of my life, ongoing stress and anxiety had become serious players for the first time in my life towards the end of last year. I wasn't fine, I couldn't cope and I had to stop managing everything. It was just all too much. While I questioned what was wrong with me, it was my daughter who mentioned the 3rd stage of General Adaptation Syndrome, which helps explain what happens when cortisol levels remain high constantly. It's an interesting topic worth Googling. The side effects can include anxiety, depression, a stress response to every tiny little thing, serious exhaustion and more. I found I ticked every box. The stress response to every tiny little thing became a challenge in itself.

Whether the little things involve the ring of a mobile phone or going above 50 on the car's speedometer, the brain's interesting when it comes to how it interprets things. The ring of my phone acts as an alarm for me, alarming me to someone needing my time and help, which had become a stressful issue last year. Do you think your brain reads 50km/hr as 'safe' or 'comfortable' or 'easy', at a time where you're so desperate for a sense of safety, comfort and ease in your life? Sometimes I've found what comes to mind to actually be rather cryptic, with the 'advice' it offers. Perhaps it's telling you in some cryptic way to 'SLOW DOWN to a safe speed', when it comes to the pace at which you're working, the speed of your thoughts, the energy in your nervous system and other systems etc. Slowing down can be so much easier said than done.

Btw, being a HSP (highly sensitive person) comes with an array of brilliant and truly incredible and amazing abilities, well worth exploring. On the flip side, it means also being able to sense everything in the way of stress, what's depressing, what's angering, what's soul destroying etc. Can be a tough nature in coming to understand and master.

[Autumn_drift]

Hi Sarah, Sorry to read everything your going through. I too struggle with anxiety attacks. I would offer a listening ear but It seems there is no way for community members to message each other directly.

[justcant]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply 💖 

it really does feel like things have been building up and building up and just lately have completely snow balled. 

I will definitely google that. It sounds exactly like me right now. I feel like my body is constantly firing on all cylinders and I’m almost vibrating.

I’m absolutely one of those. Everything affects me so strongly one way or another. 

Thank you again. You have really hit the nail on the head with everything. I’m so glad you understand 💖

[justcant]

Thank you 💖 I really appreciate your offer 💖 a shame that it doesn’t seem possible 

[randomxx]

Hi op and sorry about the run , so many here have been in similar though so just know that your in good company and that many will understand and feel you.

Your ex shrink should be barred for doing that with you too btw.

Try listening to helping hand, screaming jets , might make you cry for those that have really been there , brilliant and soothing song tho.

Hang in.

rx

[justcant]

Thank you for your reply 💖

I do feel heard here 💖

I will check them out, thanks for the recommendations!