Health Anxiety Ruining My Life

[Doglover66]

Hi All

I have suffered from the dreaded Health Anxiety since I was a young child. I have had so many diseases; mostly terminal...that haven't actually eventuated to anything. However; I have really suffered in the last two years. It all began after losing my job due to severe shoulder injury. In that time I have had tongue cancer, throat cancer, pancreatic cancer, liver cancer, bowel cancer, ovarian cancer........had numerous tests etc all ruled out any pathology.

I do realise that major stress in my life brings this on. Five weeks ago I began a new job. It was full on; 9 hour days of skype training....within two days I had severe thoracic and chest pain and decided I had lung or pancreatic cancer. I spent three weeks doing this job with the constant fear gnawing away at me and making the symptoms so much worse. I had a thoracic spine and chest xray two weeks ago which ruled out cancer of lung but did show a herniated disc...which is now being managed by physio etc. Deep down I still think there is something more sinister going on...and of course that makes the pain worse.

I thought that was bad enough. But then I heard about Van Halen dying from throat cancer and almost immediately my throat began to hurt. I absolutely loved him....I was so gutted to hear of his death. This throat business started four days ago. I took a torch and had a look and almost fainted when I saw one tonsil is huge and red and the other side has a yellow spot and looks so weird. I am now convinced I have tonsil cancer. It hurts constantly; my ear hurts...I am so terrified and so convinced it is cancer. I know....I went through all of this a year ago. My horrible mind is now saying "cancer can sneak upon one; regardless of clear mri 13 months ago"....I am now back on that rollercoaster from hell...of googling and rechecking and rewriting my will....I seriously cannot live like this. I hide it from my beloved teenage son as much as I can. My fear is all about him; not me. I cannot leave him until he is at least 18!

I cry all the time; I have panic attacks; I google stuff and almost faint...I cannot sleep or eat. I KNOW what I am doing is totally nuts. I have been doing this shite since forever...I feel a prisoner of my own mind. I have seen so many professionals and had so many medications thrown at me. Nothing works. I am truly at my wits end.

I have made an appointment to see my gp tomorrow and am terrified.

thanks 😞

[Sophie_M]

Hey Doglover66,

Welcome to the forums, we are really grateful that you decided to reach out here tonight as we know how tough it can be to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear that you've been suffering with health anxiety for such a long time. We can hear that it's especially difficult and overwhelming for you at the moment, but please know that you do not have to go through this alone. Many in our community have had similar feelings and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by soon and offer you some words of kindness and advice.

It's really great to hear that you have booked an appointment with your GP for tomorrow and we'd really encourage you to to talk through these thoughts and feelings with them. We think it's really strong of you and so important that you have been so proactive in recognising you need some help and seeking it. We can hear how stressed and overwhelmed you must be feeling at the moment, but please know that support is always here for you if you'd like to talk through these feelings and concerns tonight.

Our Beyond Blue Support Service is available to you anytime on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors will be able to help offer support and advice to help you through this difficult time. We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.
 

[Kjp1409]

Hey Sophie!

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this, it's so hard. I personally have gone through this before and I can honestly say it was one of the worst types of anxiety I have ever experienced. I just want you to know that I work in radiology and see sick people every day and the one thing I can tell you is that it is EXTREMELY rare for someone to have an MRI and then 12 months later come in for another one and us finding some sort of pathology. Anxiety can gives us all kinds of physical symptoms and the brain is very powerful. One thing that helped for me (if you're able to) is actually chatting with my GP about all of this, as well as a psychologist. If you have a trusted GP, they can be fantastic at alleviating any health anxiety you may have in that moment. Another thing that helped me was to say it out loud to a trusted family member or friend. Whilst they were understanding and never mocked me, they also helped to bring me down and sometimes I found that verbalising my worries, made them smaller. I really hope that you can get through this and just know that this whole community is here to support you.

Sending love and positive vibes your way.

[xDianaPrincex]

Hi Doglover!

can i just say how amazing it is that you have been dealing with anxiety since you were a child? That in itself is a testimony to how much of a fighter and survivor you are.

My mum helped me. I called her almost every second day and would cry and she would listen. She is my anchor. If you have someone to talk to and whos opinion you respect i would suggest to start there. Like KJP said, the mind is powerful. Dont let your negative thoughts get the best of you. If you have someone who can make you look at it from a different perspective, then talk to them. A problem shared, is a problem halved.

Stay strong. You can handle whatever is thrown at you, youve come so far!

[Doglover66]

Thankyou so much for responding. Your information regarding the MRI was very comforting. I saw my doctor regarding the throat and he said it is strep throat and gave me penicillin. He was not concerned at all; and he used to be an ENT doctor for many years. I still am in pain almost all over and so depressed and tired of feeling so awful. I have made an appt to see a psychologist. I am so over it all now I just don't know what to do . I had full bloods taken this morning and will get results Thursday. I still feel there is something wrong....again...I just now want to know and deal with it. Thanks again I really appreciate it. xx

[Doglover66]

ps I am so sorry you have suffered this awful debilitating 'thing'....it is worse to me than physical pain.....I send you hugs xxx

[Doglover66]

Thankyou so much for your response. I am so grateful to have help here. xx

[Doglover66]

Thankyou so much for your kind words. Yes unfortunately I have not had an easy or happy life. I could write a book about all the trauma and horridness but nobody would wish to read it.

I just want to get on top of all of this and try to find some vestige of happiness...if only for my beloved son's sake. I hide so much from him.....he is 16 and a very sweet and kind boy...with a great sense of humour too. Whatever happens to me I don't ever want him to remember me as a mouldy old depressed hypochondriac...which is what I am.

xx

[Doglover66]

Hi

I had full bloods taken today; will get results Thursday. So in the last week I have had a thoracic spine and chest xray (showed herniated disc but no other major issue); ultrasound of back; no issues there apparently...saw Dr yesterday re throat and he gave me penicillin as said tonsillitis or the like. So...even though he said that I am still thinking it is something worse. He was an ENT doctor for 20 years before going into gp work....I KNOW he would have seen anything sinister if it was there. I hate myself for being like this. I have zero motivation or energy...the amount of energy I waste obsessing about all of this is ridiculous and pathetic. I KNOW all of this yet my useless brain is still in charge it appears.

Thankfully my psychologist is going to call me within the hour as I rang his office in desperation. I am also going through menopause so getting hot flushes and can barely sleep...I feel totally wrecked and I can see the pattern of insomnia/lack of sleep etc exacerbating everything. Again...I am now so totally over it all I almost HOPE they find something dodgy in the blood tests; as I simply cannot accept that there is nothing seriously wrong. I feel so absolutely awful all the time; sore throat; sore back and hips; zero energy; heartburn; even sore eyes and jaw....surely there must be some reason for this? If not then I seriously hope I can be put on medication to help as there is no way I can go on like this. I cry at the drop of a hat; worry about absolutely everything (including things I simply cannot change)...I truly feel I am falling apart. I have no support family wise. They are all very hard and brutal and are sick of me. Thank you for helping me. xxx

[maccaz]

I can relate to your post strongly. I've had all sorts of symptoms caused by anxiety that i've self diagnosed myself of all sorts of terrible diseases.

While its important to get any concerns checked out by your doctor, its also important to believe the doctor (who is qualified to give their opinion!!) and try hard to not go and shop around millions of doctors - im mega guilty of doing that heaps in the past.