Health Anxiety - Please Help

[KCas]

Hi,

My name is Kylie, I'm a new mum to a beautiful 5 month old son. I have a severe health anxiety that I guess has been happening for at least 5 years now. 5 Years ago I convinced myself I had HIV at the time I wasn't married and was a single social young woman. The reason I convinced myself of this was I had all the symptoms and was deep in fear. After numerous tests and visits to many different Dr's the conclusion  was I was suffering from Fibromyalgia Syndrom and was put on anti-anxiety medication.  I finally accepted this diagnoses after a while, settled down and continued with my life. I married a few years later and after a long and enduring battle will infertility, IVF over the last 3 years I finally gave birth to a beautiful baby boy in November last year. Since his birth I have been feeling not right (was put down to Post Natal Depression) severely fatigued and started experiencing weird physical symptoms. I'm scared of everything health related and since his birth have convinced myself that I have numerous conditions because of these symptoms! Thyroid issues, Adrenal Fatigue and most recently MS. I've been to 3-4 Dr's who have done extensive blood tests, glucose testing, heart monitoring and I've even have had an MRI on my brain which was normal but I still can't put this to bed and feel re-assured. I still constantly worry I have MS and I feel like I'm going insane and my husband and family are completely sick of hearing me whinge daily about these physical symptoms and about me seeing numerous Dr's and believe it's all in my head. Can anyone else relate to this at all?. I feel like a completely sane intelligent person but I'm now worried if they all think I'm clearly insane then maybe I actually am!. After my recent brain scan I felt re-assured for a period of 3 hours and was so very happy then I started thinking about what could have been missed, should the Dr have done further testing? Why am I still having symptoms? and now I'm back at square one again. My physical symptoms are: weakness in my legs (like I can't walk properly), numbness on the left hand side of my body that comes and goes, number throat that comes and goes, thinking I can't breath during sleep and waking up gasping, feeling wobby/ dizzy, crying and depression, sore spine, feeling foggy like I can't concentrate on anything and feeling like I'm in a daze. My husband refuses to let me see any further Dr's or have further testing. He thinks I might be suffering with Somatization/ Conversion Disorder. Is anyone else out there suffering the same as me or has in the past. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I have started back on anti-anxiety medication again and hoping that will help and I am starting to see a therapist. I just wish these symptoms would go and I could focus on my life as a mummy as I've waited so long for this.

Thankyou

[Anon357]

Hello,

I'm here to offer some advise, and to tell you I'm going through the exact same thing as you at the moment. I'm a long term health anxiety sufferer and as I get older the physical symptoms of anxiety affect me more and as a result of that I convince myself daily that I have MS. Each day a new symptom starts and each day I battle with my mind. I obsess over it every day, I search the internet every spare second, and I get frustrated when anyone interrupts me or asks me a question. Sometimes I read a symptom and the next day I will have it and it will send my head into a further spin.

Then I try to snap out of it, override the bad thoughts. I go to sleep feeling positive and hope to wake up feeling normal again and that it's all in my head. When I make up and everything's the same or a new symptom pops up, I crawl even deeper into my anxiety zone, I cry easily, I obsess further and convince myself that I'm 100% certain I have MS.

I'm suffering at the moment too Hun! My symptoms are very full on but doctors don't seem to want to listen. Over the course of two months I have been searching and looking for every symptom of

leukaemia- because I had bruising on my legs. When I first had the bruising, I didn't think anything of it, then I mentioned it to my sister and she told me a story of how a girl she knows, her bruises weren't fading and it ended up being leukaemia. That was probably the silliest thing she had ever said to someone like me and I know she meant no harm. I didn't think too much of it, then a couple of weeks later I became stressed about a few issues. Things weren't going the way I liked it. I developed a sore thumb and wrist joint. I started to feel concerned and I stupidly searched google. Up came leukaemia symptoms, and then suddenly the bruising came to mind, the convo my sister had with me, the symptoms of sore joints, bruising more than usual. I started obsessively searching myself every day for new bruises, making sure they disappeared. I must of looked crazy every morning and night before a shower searching every square inch of my body. Sometimes I would come home from work and couldn't wait to look at my legs to ensure no new bruises and to make sure existing bruises faded. This went on for a few weeks. I remember going to a theme park for my sons birthday, when I sat on the ride, the part in between my legs felt painful and as if it had bruised it. I woke up extra early the next morning with my heart racing to check for bruising - there was none, but I searched there every day and my heart would pound, my mind would race, what's happens if a bruise comes up, then that would be easy bruising, maybe it really is leukaemia.

Somehow I managed to move away from that worry. But a new one started

Amelonotic Melanoma. How or why I started to worry about this, I do not know. It followed on immediately from my leukaemia diagnosis. I had this non raised light freckle on my chest. I have had it for years. Next to it I have a non raised patch that sometimes gets inflamed. Again  I searched on google, I searched images and I found exactly what this thing was on my chest, the exact same photo of what I had. I had Amelonotic melanoma, I had convinced myself for the next couple of weeks I had the rarest form of skin cancer. Of to Docs again, onto a skin specialist- turns out it's a solar keratosis and nothing to worry about. I went home a google searched solar keratosis, and that picture fitted my patch perfectly. Ahhh so I can breathe now and get over my worries....yeah no.

as my wrist and thumb joint hadn't got better and I had xrays and ultrasounds on them which ruled out what my doc had suggested I was convinced I had Rheumatoid arthritis! I had developed in the other wrist and thumb as well. It was also moving into my fingers. The pains are real, they are there, so I know it's not my imagination. I need my hands for my job (as we all do)  i cannot do my job without my hands. I'm an allied health care worker and studies hard to get where I am  (I'm a completely sane intelligent person just as you say and no one would think I have a worry in the world, until I crumble behind closed doors) anyway, the doc sent me to a hand physio, and I told her my probs and she had my xray report. She still thinks it's some sort of tendinosis. However, I mentioned that I had been having shooting type pains in my fingers on occasions. Her response was "watch out for those, and let me know if there getting worse" I asked why, she said oh it could be nerve related.

which is now why I believe I have MS. My anxiety overdrive has been going on for almost three months now. I have only just admitted to myself and my family I am in anxiety over drive. I'm crying easily, I'm having panic attacks and the physical symptoms are deliberating! 

My physical symptoms since the last two weeks are; (I'll start on another page as am running out of room to write 

[Anon357]

Ok starting new, so physical symptoms are

Both legs felt weak, especially when bending down, both arms felt weak as well eg hanging washing out

moved to just right side weakness in arm and leg.

shaky hands 

shooting pains in hands and toes

muscle twitches 

i shiver from head to toe especially talking about my anxiety (the feeling is more like someone walking over your grave type sensation.

my legs get the same feeling when touched. If I run my finger down my leg it feels like pressure and then tingles. It has not lost sensation though.

today it's my arm feels like cold spot on it.

I been to Drs they just laugh it off as major anxiety ect. My last Dr tested my nerve reflexes and muscle strength and I'm all normal. My trapeze muscles are so incredibly tense every single person that feels them cannot believe how I'm not in pain. That's because I can't feel it, because I'm too focused on everything else. every thing mentioned above usually happens after I read about it. I may have the one symptom to start with and then search about it and then the other symptoms appear. I never noticed muscle twitching until I looked for it, or the sensation of feeling numb. If I want in anxiety mode I might have ignored it. A lot of things could be due to my back and it being cracked by the Chiro, I had 5 sessions and strangely the leg and arm weakness happened after I seen him. But my mind won't accept that, a non anxious person would. How could it be something as simple as that? 

As much as I'm going through this health anxiety, I am coming to the realisation that I think my body is mentally exhausted, from the shallow breathing (that I don't even recognise) and lack of resting the mind. I don't go on anti depressants because they don't work for me. They never have (I'm 31 and have had HA on off since late teens) sometimes I'm able to pull through it. This is probably been the worst I have had ever and I'm getting help. I have had Cognitive behavioural therapy, which helped me so much. This therapy allows you to discover what might have triggered your health anxiety and then retrains you to think differently. It's confusing to explain, you are not hypnotised as such but you feel deeply relaxed. I only had one session, and for me my health anxiety stems from my brother dying when I was 13. I remember being really happy before he passed, I was in highschool and my mum was giving me some freedom. Then he passed away, I never mourned his death because I did not want my mum to see me upset and I needed to be strong for her. I continued on in highschool fine, then it met my husband when I was 17. Life was great, I was sooo happy, then out of nowhere I had my first attack. But if was for a reason, I had felt a lump in my breast! I was 19 and I had convinced myself it was breast cancer! Everyone was wrong, even the specialist and demanded it to be removed. It was not cancer but was something simple that a lot of young females get. Then an ovarian cyst 6 months later brought another attack on. After that everything I had I would obsess over. Acid reflux was stomach cancer, I swore I had blood in my stools ect. Diagnostic tests were always fine. When I was 20 I fell pregnant with my son, the reflux returned with avengence (no one could convince me it was normal) I had to have an endoscopy after he was born just to make sure. I couldn't be happy without knowing everything was perfect with me. Now whenever I get really happy, there's always something that will bring me down. I worry for the future and I worry for my two beautiful kids. But I'm not always like this. There are times that I can be happy and stay like that. I have just figured I always need to have something to look forward to or be he super busy (eg in UNI I did not have one episode of health anxiety for three years! It was bliss!!!) since finishing uni, I am a busy full time working mother of two but I have a lot more time to stew on things I guess! 

another thing I'm trying (I'm desperate in the meantime while waiting for appts) is apps that have meditation and breathing techniques. I also have hired a personal trainer and started in a fitness group. I know what I need to do and after some much needed outbursts of crying to my husband and family and realising I cannot go on anymore like this I taking control. I'm not going to go to the DRS again and demand MRIs, I'm going to try exercise and behavioural therapy and if my symptoms continue then I will demand a MRI. 

i hope I have somehow helped you realise you are so not alone. I was so happy to read your post to realise so done else with HA thinks the same. It drives people crazy and they seem frustrated but deep down they all care and are worried for you, it's just identifying you have a problem, try other ways of getting out of the bubble, and really try and then if it doesn't work then go back to the DR. And remember, it took a while for the symptoms to develop. It will take a while for them to go

big hug

[Anon357]

Oh and PS- hubby also said no more DRS and specialists to me too! I think I have been going once a week for different issues since it all started....I will look back on this later and laugh to myself. My mum who also suffered HA didn't have computers in her days so she was in the a Docs  4 times a week. One time she said her doctor walked out of his room to get a new file, saw her as he was walking past the door way, stopped, stepped backwards, scratched his head and looked confused and kept walking. This gave me and my mum such a good laugh only because we can relate x

[shash001]

I have the exact same fear of MS and everyday I try to convince myself that I don't have it. I use google to diagnose every symptom I feel, shooting pains, burning fingertips, pins and needles, sweating, racing heart, muscle twitches, muscle spasms, back pain, ringing ears and the muscle aches and pains are the worst. I can wake up in the morning feeling like an 80 year old woman, mainly due to the series of panic attacks I feel I have at night. I have been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Health anxiety and yet I still doubt the diagnosis. I guess it's hard to believe you can feel this way everyday and nothing is physically wrong. I go for walks and push my body to remind myself that I am physically fine but that's not enough to get rid of my the thoughts. I will look at myself walking past windows or towards mirrors to make sure that I am walking properly. I check my balance 3 times a day, see if I have tremors in my hands. I am constantly self checking and diagnosing. I look back at my life and I know I have had this for longer than I realise. I once was driving and had severe pain in my left arm, I felt like I was having a stroke. Another time my arm wouldn't move, I couldn't lift it off the desk. Finally when it would move I raced to the doctors, I was hyperventilating. When my anxiety subsides, I have no signs of MS and that's what I keep bringing myself back to. I breathe through the thoughts and allow the physical symptoms to happen. They can't hurt you and thats what I have to keep reminding myself. This is really hard and I feel like I have lost who I am with this illness. It runs through my family and the when I initially diagnosed myself on google with MS, I went into a major panic attack, and told my mum. Her response was " I think I have that too". When one symptom subsides, the flood gate opens to a series of new symptoms. I am going to start meditation and yoga in addition to walking. I think calming the mind regularly and speaking with my psychologist is my only solution. I believe I will get better, I just need to allow myself the time to recover. I run a business and have 3 kids with the youngest being a 5 month old baby, I can relate to your story its hard being a mum, working and then trying to cope with the noise in your head. It's soothing to know that you are not alone. 

[Keckie]

You are definitely not alone. I just posted a new thread about my new health anxiety issues. I woke up with a burning sensation on feet and hands after I had too many wines a few days earlier that sent me guilt ridden. I am not sure if its my anxiety over this or if I have small fibre neuropathy.

Have you done much research in your fibro diagnosis. I have (as I believe I may have it) and many of your weird sensations could be attributed to that. Are you still on the meds, if not may be worth discussing with your doc about starting again. And depending on where you live I know there are some Fibro support groups as my friend's mother attends one in Perth. I hope this finds you well and I hope to hear back from you, its good to know there are other people around. ox

[Thesiger]

First time on. I am a hypochondriac. I have thought that I have had every type of cancer in existence. This year alone prostate, skin and lymphoma. Three days ago I saw a pimple on my back. I check it every time I walk past my bathroom and have googled it dozens of times 

[Selkie]

Don't worry bud, you're far from being alone. Everyday I go through the same thing, except i get heart attack and emphysema symptoms. Doctors never find anything. The only noticeable damage after a panic attack is me being extremely fatigued and pretty terrified. I wish they would find a cure. 

[kimberlee82]

Hi everyone,

I'm kimberlee and I suffer from severe

health anxiety. I was diagnosed with a blood clotting disorder last year and a hole in my heart. This makes it really difficult for me to distinguish between what is real pain and what is just my health anxiety. 

Every day I am consumed by my health and am constantly assessing my body for any new ache or pain. I convince myself constantly that I have a blood clot in my lungs every time I feel chest pain or start looking for signs and symptoms of a heart attack.

This disorder has taken over my life 100%. I am to anxious to hold down a job or even apply for one, and it doesn't help that I'm a nurse and I know what can go wrong with the cardiovascular conditions I've got. 

Does anyone suffer from the following:

Chest pain (sharp and dull)

Gaw pain

Pins and needles/numbness on the left side of the body

Shortness of breath

Dizziness

Constant headaches

Nausea

A feeling like your heart is dropping

A fobia to leave the house in case something happens to you while you're out??

And a general/constant state of general unwellness and fear

I'm sure that I now suffer from depression and I live in my house and have no life. I used to be a social butterfly and looked forward to what life had ahead of me. I've always had friends but I've pushed some away and some think I'm just sick all the time so I no longer get invited anywhere. 

Im 33, single, struggling to complete my online degree and my mum has moved in with me because some days I can't do much. I feel like a total waste of space on this earth and sometimes I pray that God will kindly take me in my sleep. 

I know I have positive things about me. I think I'm intelligent and pretty and I'm really patient, caring and loving. I'm too scared to start a relationship in case I get hurt again like I did 2 years ago. I'm really just a big mess!! 

Can anyone help dig me out of this dark place with any therapy or treatment other than medication/CBT that hss helped them. 

Thank you to whoever takes the time to read my issues. Greatly appreciated x 

[summer_girl]

im new to this site and have found it comforting to know I am not alone in the craziness that is health anxiety. 

 I hqve always been concerned with my health but since requiring an operation last year my health anxiety is spinn I ng out of control. Any pain and I immediately think the worse. I have umdergone so many scans and blood tests which have come clear and I am still waiting for a colonoscopy and endoscopy.  I am convinced I  have stomach cancer. This is after already thinking I had lung cancer and breast cancer. I have lost so much weight and look terrible.  I have tried medication but its not for me. Im booked in for therapy and will try a meditation course.

 through some harf work im sure i can het through thiss. Kimberlee I wish you the best. Im sure you will get through this also.

What will be will be in life and all the worry will not change it.