Health anxiety and constantly need reassurance

Ace6913 · ‎09-07-2016

Hi there,

Im not new to health anxiety I suffered horribly about 4 years ago when I found lumps in my neck wich triggered anxiety and panic attacks at the time I was absolutely convinced I had cancer of course I googled and I had all the symptoms of the illness it just snow balled onto constant visits to the Drs and emergency because I felt no one was listening to me. It was just the one last dr I saw made me realise I had anxiety and everything I was feeling was anxiety itself not some life threatening illness . In time I moved on and accepted I had to make the change and I did . Now 4 yrs on I'm suffering again and once again found a hard small lump on my wrist whilst I was washing my hands straight away before I could take my next breath I fell straight into panic mode and then onto anxiety I was proactive straight away went to the Drs got X-ray done everything came back clear but alls I've been left with is fear that they missed something or the X-ray just won't show what it really is meaning I think it's cancer I can't believe I'm putting myself through this again 😔 I feel extremely disappointed in myself

blondguy · ‎10-07-2016

Hello Ace6913

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

You are actually very strong by posting. Anxiety whether health or agoraphobic (like mine) now and again is a pain but nothing to be disappointed about. We cant really control what our mind is trying to sell us Ace.

You are very pro-active with getting the Xrays done Ace, but if I may ask you, do you have a GP/counselor that you can go and see about the anxiety? I have had acute anxiety since my first mega attack in 1983. Anxiety is a mongrel of an illness.

I am lucky as I have a crackerjack GP that 'understands' mental health. I have been told by GP to get a blood test done (routine) and he knows I scared to death of needles. So when I am strong enough I will get the test done.

I have the same fear but in reverse....either way its a major pain.

I know the fear of physical issues is like climbing Mt Everest to overcome. I actually have trouble walking my dog around the block as I fear being away from my safe place (my home)

I can feel your anxiety and its severity Ace...just on another level even though just as painful.

It takes a lot of courage to post.....I hope you can post back Ace....You are more than welcome to as many times as you wish. There are many super kind people that can be here for you.

My Best (please dont be disappointed and so very hard on yourself) You are not alone.....

Paul

Ace6913 · ‎10-07-2016

Thank you so much for your feedback it feels abit surreal to be going through this again I'm booked in with my gp in a weeks time for a further discussion into why I think this way and probably look at counselling just got to hang out the week as my hubby works away and I'm the only one running the show at home with 3 amazing kids but i know I can do it and I will but as I'm saying this I can still feel the panic sitting at the bottom of my stomach . Thanks so much for sharing with me some of your fears as well it's a very hard thing to do .

blondguy · ‎11-07-2016

No worries Ace. Great of you to post back:-)

That panic sitting in the pit of your stomach is still just a feeling...not a good one....but still a 'feeling'.

here for you Ace

Paulx

Janxious · ‎19-07-2016

Hi Ace,

I'm so sorry that you're going through your illness-related anxiety, it really sucks.

But I can't tell you how glad I was to read your post today, because I know exactly how you feel, and I'm just so relieved to know I'm not alone with that same panic-feeling sitting in the bottom of my stomach.

Thanks for being brave enough to share.

Mandyb · ‎20-07-2016

Hi Ace. Please know you are not alone. I too have health anxiety and I understand that it can be hard to control the panic sometimes. I am going through a rotten time with it myself and can relate to all the symptoms you are having. I have a lump at the front of my neck, have had an ultrasound, and still find it difficult to trust that something wasn't missed. I also get terrible heartburn symptoms. It is a frightening experience, and I too have a hubby who works away and 3 children at home. It can be very isolating. Take some comfort in knowing that there are people out there who understand and care. I am glad I read your post. Thank you for sharing 🙂

Ace6913 · ‎22-07-2016

Hi janxious

thankyou for replying I'm sorry you to are going through this vicious cycle I'm currently in the midst of it some days are ok then days like today I just panicked and googled all day 😣 and I know very well not to google I'm off to a psychologist tomorrow for my first session I'm really hoping this helps I know it's going to be a journey but I'm glad I'm not alone

Ace6913 · ‎22-07-2016

Hi mandyb

im sorry you to are going through this and what a vicious cycle we put ourselves through I'm currently in the midst of panic, fear and not knowing what is real as in my gut feeling or anxiety I get so confused and loose touch of what is rational thinking. How do you function with your children as in do they feel something isn't right . I've tried to be honest to my 9 year old as I do not want her thinking any of this is there fault but I don't want them to know too much either. Thankyou for your kind words and I do have comfort in knowing I'm not alone

Mandyb · ‎22-07-2016

Hi Ace,

I too am right in the midst of an acute episode. My children, who are 14, 7 and 5, know that something isn't ok. The younger ones think that I am a little bit sick. My oldest child has a better idea of what is going on. I also don't want them to know too much, and I'm not sure how to approach them about it. Yes, it is a good idea to let them know it is not their fault, so thank you, I will ensure to tell them.

I understand and can relate to that feeling of losing touch with rational thinking. I am panicking and fearing that my sore throat is due to cancer. I have been to see my doctor about it today, and she has said that it is most likely anxiety. She has referred me for an endoscopy to ease my mind. I decided to look at the back of my mouth, when I got home, to see if my throat was red. Worst mistake! I found a large whitish patch. Wish I had of asked my doctor to look inside my mouth. I am really disappointed in myself for checking. Just as bad as Dr Google, which I do not use for symptom checks anymore. I have been Dr Google clean for 4 weeks now, but still get the urge to check.

It's horrible what we put ourselves through.

Hope you are doing ok Ace. Take care of yourself

Ace6913 · ‎23-07-2016

Keep your chin up mandyb and a huge congrats on being Google free for that amount of time that is a huge effort my gosh I need to be like that as well when I first had my anxiety and panic attacks 4 yrs ago the throat was a huge thing obviously it's where I felt the lumps and my throat was constantly tight and sore then led into the tingling of the face I had no idea I was actually doing it to myself I think the key things are with our type of anxiety or the obvious triggers that set us off is to find a gp you trust so you can be pro active with any health concerns like you are about your throat it is the best we can do my trigger this time around has been a hard lump had popped up on the wrist and I was straight into X-ray and ultrasound and everything came back ok just appears to be a cyst but obviously my main focus is they misdiagnosed me 😣 so frustrating because I do trust my dr and I must realise I'm not a dr myself they know what they are doing but I've relised I need the extra help so I'm off for my first session with a therapist today I'm really looking forward to finding my way out of my tunnel thinking 😄 take care mandyb and have trust in yourself you have done the right thing by getting in to the Drs and getting your throat checked