Having trouble with uni and don't know where to go from here?

SachaB · ‎24-09-2017

I'll start off with a bit of a back story. From as young as I can remember my parents never liked each other, in-fact they hated each other. I remember their entire relationship being terrible. They argued, physically hit each other, used to destroy each others possessions as away to get back at each other but they decided to stay together. My mum went to study abroad for a year, my dad disliked that he decided to throw away a lot of her possessions and chop down her favourite tree in the yard. He would yell at her when she called and sometimes wouldn't let me or my brother speak to her. I never understood it at the time but I saw my dad as the better of two parents simply because when my mum got frustrated or stressed with work after she finished studying she would take it all out on me and my brother.

Saturdays used to be cleaning days and she simply couldn't make up her mind on what me and my brother should do. "CLEAN THE DISHES!" she'd yell. So my brother and I would start washing the dishes. 2 minutes later, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!!!" CLEAN YOUR ROOM!" she'd yell. So my brother and I ceased our current duty and strolled off to our rooms to clean them. 2 minutes later she would walk past the kitchen sink. "WHY ARE THE DISHES STILL DIRTY?! I TOLD YOU TO WASH THEM!!". I was so confused i didn't know what to do and I don't remember how I got through it.

My parents finally divorced when I was 21. by this point in my life I was halfway through an apprenticeship as a chef and i stayed in that job hating it for 10 years. I recently left that career behind and embarked on a new journey studying science.

I'm now stuck between a rock and a hard place. uni isn't going so well my confusion on how to tackle the work defeats me and i've found myself not doing it. I've tried therapy but it's become a burden seeing my therapist I don't feel he's helping anymore. I try to look at positives and I've made 2 really good friends at uni that i'm grateful for. I haven't had friends like that for years but it doesn't help with the uni work. I don't want to give up because I can't go back in a kitchen and if I give it up I don't know what i would do plus I have a genuine interest in what i'm studying. I can feel stupid at times and unworthy as a person because I can't get through these problems. Sometimes I feel fate has handed me my parents luck.

I'm sorry if I babbled on, I actually would have included more but there's a character limit

geoff · ‎25-09-2017

hello SachaB, I'm amazed your parents stayed married for so long, sorry to say that, but with what happened and what your mum said, none of it seems to make sense, whether or not she was suffering from some type of depression, then only you can tell.
If you find going to counselling is a burden, then perhaps it's not the right person for you and don't feel comfortable talking with them, because if you do have someone you feel connected with, it's makes an enormous difference.
As much as you love the course at uni, may still mean that you're interested but not happy doing all the assignments, you are fascinated by what happens and very inquisitive, well you can still learn all about this without having to go to uni, plus you could try and get an apprenticeship in the science field, that would mean more 'hands on' than head down studying.
Maybe you could have problems from your childhood and from what you have told us, I'm sure there are, so have a think about seeing another counsellor and would like to know what you think. Geoff.