Hard time lately

[jess334]

End of last year my anxiety was getting easier, my medication was working and I had a casual job which suited me perfectly.  Then I was fired, three days after I informed my boss of my mental health issues.  Because it was December I haven't been able to find a job, not even temp work.  This has led to my worst case scenario - having to leave my apartment.  

My options were a) move in with my (admittedly loving and supporting) boyfriend or b) move back home (with 3 siblings). I chose A, because I can't imagine moving back into the family home.  But I LOVE living on my own, having my own space to disappear to when I am too anxious.  I am so freaked out about moving in with someone.  Even though my boyfriend knows and understands about my anxiety. He is very supportive and wants me to feel comfortable.  He has even planned to turn the spare room into a reading nook for me to disappear to.  

How do other people with anxiety live with someone else? I have lived with men before and it has never worked out, I was ignored, dismissed or yelled at when I got anxious.  I'm so scared that I can't eat, I feel nauseous all the time.  My doctor recommended some medication, which sort of works, but its difficult to take it when I'm going to job interviews every day. 

Need to vent, all my friends and family remind me that the next month will be very difficult (because of my anxiety) but after that I will relax and get used to it. This is true, but it really doesn't help me get through the next month.

[Neil_1]

Hi Jess  

Living with anxiety is hard;  it’s tough, as you know.  

I have a partner and two teenage children … but you know, I get anxious even when they’re around.  I’m not nearly as bad when my kids are around, but it’s slightly more so with regard to my partner.  I kind of get nervous when she’s not at home, cause I know she’ll be coming home soon.  We’re fine together and so that’s the part that’s screwed with me … I mean it’s not like we argue or anything.  All’s fine, but I’ve just this nervous anxiety.  

I am on medication for it … hmmmm, perhaps I need that reviewing, especially after reading my above paragraph.  

Could I please suggest that you do take your medication as prescribed … take a water bottle with you and just swig it down when you need too.  If you’re a bit hit and miss with your medication, they’ll never be able to get into your system like they should and work for you like they should.  

I’m also not sure why the next month will be difficult … did I miss something?  

Would love to hear back from you Jess when you’re able to.  

Kind regards  

 Neil

[jess334]

Thanks Neil1, I do take my antidepressants every day like I'm supposed to, but the additional meds that are prescribed to take 'as needed' make me sleepy. 

I am assuming the next month will be difficult because of all the changes lately. My anxiety will take some time to get used to it all.  Today was the first day of us living  together and I feel like all my energy is going into stopping the panic attacks. If I let go of my control I will become hysterical and sick.  The only way I can cope is by reading or watching tv and pretending that none of it is happening.  Which obviously isn't how I want to live my life. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Jess

I'm really sorry to hear how you're feeling and you are in a terribly dark and troublesome place at the moment.

Has that 'reading room' been set up for you?  If so, do you feel more comfortable in it?

I'm sorry about the medication taking thing ... I misread your initial post.  It's also really good that your boyfriend is understanding.  That is a massive help.

In this next little while, it's really going to be a case of going slow each day and perhaps trying to map out a small list of things that you might be able to do so you can possibly occupy yourself.  Maybe one day, you could possibly do a bit of tidying up around the place ... I always feel better after things are where they should be and stuff isn't just scattered all over the place.  I'm not sure if you have a garden or a courtyard, but if you do, there's always things to muck around with there.

These aren't really high class suggestions, but I'm also sensing that you perhaps prefer to be at home, hence why I'm trying for things to occupy you at home.

Of course you've got your reading, which is a big favourite of mine also.  What about TV series's;   any favourites that you really love to watch?  Maybe you could (or your boyfriend) could go and buy you a series of a fave TV show from JB Hi, or whereever;  something else that might help pass the time.

Jess, I hope something above was of use to you ... and please please, feel absolutely free to come on here as often as you want.

Kind regards

Neil

[Pixie15]

Hi Jess,

I don't know about the relax and get used to it advice from your family.

Your boyfriend has the right idea with the reading room I think. I have a study/exercise room that is my comfort zone. 

Good luck with your move.

[geoff]

dear Jess, haven't heard from you for awhile, bar 3 days ago.

Your boss was wrong in dismissing you because of your anxiety or as you say mental issues, but that's another matter at the moment.

Living with someone when you have anxiety isn't always easy, because there will be times when you maybe be disturbed, and it's these times that are so difficult to be able to control, especially when you love the peace and quite of being alone.

You won't be able to avoid this unless you have a total understanding with your boyfriend that if your bedroom door is closed then please 'DO NOT KNOCK', however there will be moments that your boyfriend is trying to help you, all in good faith, but it's not convenient for you.

There will also be a strong possibility that you will get under each other feet, such as the kitchen, bathroom, and who is going to clean up the dishes, hang out the washing or even vacuum the house, so all of these will have to be decided on.

Here there is an agency that will provide emergency accomodation so if you want to google 'emergency housing' in your state there will places to contact, and personally I believe that this would be your best option, as much as you love your boyfriend, living with someone you love could turn sour.

I hope that this hasn't upset yo.

Sorry. L Geoff. x

[jess334]

Hi everyone. 

Thanks for all the helpful ideas.  In the end, I made the decision that I wasn't ready to move in with him.  Initially I put these feelings down to anxiety, I don't know about everyone else, but I have difficulty trusting my instincts because of the anxiety.  In the end, this situation was too much for me.  Luckily my boyfriend understood and although he was disappointed, he just wants me safe and happy. 

Luckily I have found some temporary work, so I am able to keep my apartment for at least another month, hopefully I will find new work in that time. I have a few interviews so fingers crossed.  

Thanks Geoff, it hasn't upset me. I just have to realise that my anxiety makes it more difficult to do those things that come easily to others.  Also I have made a complaint with Fair Work Australia regarding that employee.  I agree that it is completely illegal and I am not going to just let it go.  

Thanks again everyone, Jess

[Neil_1]

Hi Jess

Wow, that is so positive reading your most recent post.  I’m really happy for you that you’ve picked up some temporary work and that will allow you to stay in the comfort and familiarity of your own place.  That is brilliant. 

Also good news to hear that there’s other interviews upcoming … be confident and project yourself.  I so hope that you’re able to pick up one of those.  I’ll have my fingers crossed for you … although not right now, otherwise, I’ll never be able to finish typing this message.  🙂

And go Jess … YES, that is great to hear that you’re going to Fair Work Australia … people like this really irk me massively and far too often creeps like this get away with it.

I’m just really pleased for you Jess … and keep on trusting your instincts. 

Kind regards

Neil