Got to get out of this cycle

[searching-for-healing]

I am lost

and I don’t know the next step.

I have always suffered with health anxiety and now it’s come home to roost. 
I am getting bad heath news

first a mth ago it was high blood pressure, what was worse is that it showed up while I was worried about other symptoms and yesterday after getting an endoscopy I have found that my lower esophageal sphincter doesn’t close and I will have Gerd for the rest of my life which will be miserable the way forward looks so daunting atm

drugs to treat Gerd make blood pressure worse. Which is crazy atm with my anxiety.

There is a surgery option but unsure how successful it will be

and what makes it worse is I have a wife and boys and I am failing as a husband and father. I have burned the anxiety bridge with my wife (who in all other regards is amazing) and so I am battling in silence.

I know the boys need a competent father and that is only making me feel worse

luke

[Stanlee14]

Hey Luke, and welcome to the forum.

Im sorry to hear all the things you have been battling with. Your story is far from uncommon in fact it mirrors my own. I know firsthand just how debilitating health anxiety can be.

Mine started in my early 20s not long after a close family member passed away. I too have had all the symptoms under the sun and thought I’ve had at least 100 different illnesses none which have come back positive. The only condition I know I have for sure is my anxiety. And whats worse is even in full knowledge that i have it, it still doesn’t stop my head from convincing me that I’m unwell. Health anxiety is a particularly tricky form of anxiety as well, it tends to feed itself like a parasite. My brain will pay attention to the most vague of symptoms and convince me body its true. Before too long my body will start mimicking the symptoms. And around and around it goes. What started as a slight dizziness will manifest itself into a full blown headache and next thing you know im back at the docs convinced I’ve got brain tumour. 

And of course if you scroll through just a few posts here on the forums you will come across a similar story very quickly. Just know you’re far from alone and by reaching out you've already taken a positive step. Oh and by the way I’ve suffered from Gerd most of my life too I’ve also found my anxiety affects both it and my blood pressure, i normally have a low blood pressure but during prolonged bouts of anxiety it spikes. My apologies for the long rant but i just wanted to share my story with you and to say hey you’re not on your own. Im happy to answer any questions if you need.

Regards Stan

[searching-for-healing]

Hey Stan 

thanks for the support it has helped

and reading your story it is like reading mine. The constant concern and I mean constant as you said makes the symptoms worse every time. And every time the tests to check come back negative.

unfortunatly this time they didn’t and while every time I was dealing with these problems I would tell myself it’s me preparing for the worst so I would be ready for it. However this time it happens I got what I thought and I’m not ready for it, it seems that it’s going to be a pretty miserable road ahead for me and my anxiety is only going to make it worse(or at least that’s how it feels)

I am trying to be present and in the moment for the family and ignore the future but you obviously know what it’s like

thanks again