Given up on trying

[Willo123]

I’m 21 years old have have been struggling with serious anxiety disorder.

Im happy in my life when I’m in my comfort zone. I have recently started a new job and that is making me feel extremely anxious.

Im about to give up on it because I can’t feel like this anymore. I need this feeling to be over, so I just have to go back to working for my parents on the farm even tho it’s not my dream. But I can’t do my dream job because this anxiety is too much. The medication doesn’t feel like it works anymore.

I wish I could be normal.

[Tinkerbell51]

Sorry to hear Willo123, not sure it will help but just know that you are not alone. I'm a bit older now but started my first professional role just after I turned 22 so feel I can relate. I felt very anxious too and in fact had a massive panic attack in that first job, which then led me to my GP for help. I started on medications and things started to improve, and gradually with experience I started to feel a bit more comfortable in the job. In the end though I decided to prioritise my health and move back in with my parents for a bit to get a bit more stability, which meant moving interstate and finding a new job. I then found a version of my job which I was far more passionate about so there was a silver lining. Putting my health first was the right decision at the time and although I gave up a promising job, at that time I had to prioritise my mental health. It's not easy. I've found talking therapy really useful in trying to work out why I'm feeling anxious, do they have something like an employee assistance program at your job?

[Willo123]

Hi tinkerbell51.

Thank you, I’m glad I’m not alone in this. Unfortunately no employee assistance. They offered me to start with 2 days a week but the knowing of having to go into full time and long hours is haunting me and I’m not the happy person I was before this. I have struggled with anxiety badly for the last 4 years but I then found my comfort zone and found a loving partner. Then this new job came up and has turned everything upside down. I just don’t know what to do. Push it out and feel crap and hope that I feel better or go back to my comfort zone and my job I had before that was good but only 2 days a week. What would you do? I need guidance

[Tinkerbell51]

I'm not certain I'm the best person for guidance at the moment (I've just been to the GP myself)! But I'll give it a go. You never want to feel horrible about your situation though. I guess for me at the time I was going through something similar (while extremely anxious/depressed), I saw the achievement of turning up to work (despite the dread) as a goal achieved, which made me feel a bit better. I had put unrealistic expectations on myself in terms of how I needed to be in the job at the time and if I could go back would tell myself it's ok not to feel 100% confident in what I was doing - I was very new to the profession but expected I should know everything. Are you feeling anxious about the work, or is it more about being full time?

It's hard to try something outside of your comfort zone and I actually tried something different about 5 years ago (convincing myself I was a bit bored in my comfort zone), stuck it out for 15 months then worked out it just wasn't for me and found something more like what I was doing previously. I guess it made me appreciate my comfort zone and I realised that's what I was good at!

[Willo123]

It’s more really the full time. I love what I do but just can’t seem to kick this. So I have resigned to put my health first, it’s what I really need to do. I want to be myself and, enjoying getting up and going to work.

Thank you so much for talking to me and your help! I’m really glad I’m not the only one who feels like this. When your going through it you just feel so alone. (I do anyway)

[smallwolf]

Hi Willo123,

welcome to beyond blue.

Can you tell me a little more about your dream job? And what it is you are worrying about in this job?

Moving to the city can be a big thing.

As a side note, my medications were prescribed by a (or my) psychiatrist. Now I am unsure who would have prescribed your medication, but each time that I see my psychiatrist, I am asked about how the medication is going etc. Maybe it is time to talk with your GP or whoever about your medication. And one of the reasons I stopped using one medication was because I, like you, felt it was no longer effective.

My other question is whether you have someone to talk to as well? A friend, family, or professional?

If you want to keep chatting here, I am listening.

Tim

[Willo123]

Hi Tim

my gp prescribed my medication, the first ones made me gain weight which wasn’t good for my self esteem so I changed and have been in these ones for about a year and a half. Felt like they were working but every time I try do something out of my comfort zone I have huge anxiety attacks. So seeing my gp tomorrow.

My dream job is working with younger children in a childcare setting. I already work at one but only once a week. Thought I was ready to do full time but obviously not

[Whatsinaname]

"I wish I could be normal"

My anxiety kicked me hard in my early 20s as well. I'm now looking down the barrel of mid 30s.

If nothing else, I can tell you there is no such thing as normal.

[Willo123]

Hi,

yes I keep trying to tell myself everyone is different and going through difficult times. I guess I just wish I could do things with ease.

And not have to worry about when the anxiety is going to come hit me again

[smallwolf]

Anxiety can be crippling... for me, I would have a lump in my throat, racing heart, sweaty palms. Mostly physical. And for me it would start when I started working at my laptop and reading email (of all things). Bit like a carpenter not able to use a hammer. I would have to do things like turn off notifications on all devices. Today, I would say, and with the right medication those symptoms are more controlled.

Part of this post refers to knowing what your triggers are. What things make you worry? When does it happen? How does it start?

and, finally, do you have a way to break the cycle of questioning yourself and worry about things out of yours or my control?

the above questions are more rhetorical questions. Cause, I guess the only thing I am curious about is what sort of things would be outside of your comfort zone that creates anxiety?

(For me, the feeling or need to be perfect sets me off. But my psychologist then told about the positives of making mistakes and what you can learn from that.)

Let me know what you are thinking.

Tim