Getting back to work

[Missy72]

Hi

I’ve been off work for the past two and a bit months due to severe anxiety. It came on in November after a traumatic event and I tried to battle through going to work by self medicating, however by mid January I broke down and was hospitalised for 6 weeks. I’ve been out of hospital for nearly a month.

The anxiety is still pretty high and I’m still on medication (antidepressant and antipsychotic), I’m also seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist weekly.

My psychiatrist mentioned today about going back to work. He seems to think it would help the recovery process.

I would love to be well enough to go back to work, at the moment it’s hard for me to find things to do every day to keep occupied and to try not let the anxiety consume me (even though it does). I just want my ‘normal’ life back.

I’m in the emergency services (police). I would just like some feedback on how & when people felt ready to go back to work. Has returning to work helped your recovery?

I would be under a rehab plan of reduced hours.

Thank you

[Croix]

Dear Missy72~

I've read your other posts at:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/baseline-
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/relapse
and elsewhere,

So I have some idea of the worries you have that your previous condition may permanently affect your recovery.

I'm also an ex-policeman invalided out (without choice) due to the usual suspects , including an ongoing anxiety condition and being suicidal. I did not have an opportunity for a half-way stage (this was long ago) and would not have been able to take it up for quite some time, if ever. I'm still under treatment.

I guess in your shoes I'd be worried about any sort of return, but think my decision might be based more upon firstly the confidence I had in mymedical team, both in their ability to assess my condition on a frequent ongoing basis.

Secondly and just as importantly their power to pull me out of any rehab scheme without prejudice if they felt it was affecting me adversely.

If your medical team are contracted by police insurance then I'm not sure you could have quite the same confidence in them, as they have at least a perceived conflict of interest. If however they are private and selected by you and your doctor it is a different matter.

Thirdly the nature of the reduced duties.

OK, not a lot of help I'm afraid. I believe police work changes a person - permanently, it certainty has left an indelible mark on me. If there is a chance for happiness and fulfillment back as a MOTF and it is properly supervised maybe you should consider it, but not rush.

A hard decision.

While I'm at it may I ask what personal support you have, at home (and with specific persons in the force). My partner was wonderful and made a huge difference.

OK, after all that would you like to come back and talk more, after all it is not that long since you were hospitalized.

Croix

[Missy72]

Hi Croix

Thank you got your response. Luckily for me, work was not the trauma (this time). Part of it was 10 years ago, but not this time.

Work are happy for me to use my own psychiatrist. I agree that police work changes you, however, work for me is part of my identity. I am concerned about going back too soon & management seeing me as a ‘HR issue’ if I have to go back in sick leave.
I’m trying all that I can to get my ‘normal’ back though as I want to recover & thus doing what is ‘normal’ I’m hoping will assist.

[Croix]

Dear Missy72~

Yes, part of what I meant by change is that the work becomes one's life and identity. That disappearing seemingly overnight was incredibly bad and left me lost.

I'm glad you have your own psych, one worry less.

Look, there is no rush, for you to regain long term mental good health it is worth taking time. If I tried too soon and had to step back for a while I'd not be as worried about appearing an 'HR' issue as how or if I was ever going to recover -and feeling failure and helplessness. So please pace yourself, (I'm not saying do nothing btw).

Doing 'normal' is fine and can help, just as long as it does not make things worse, and I guess it is your judgment to insist on the initial amout of normal, and what it consists of, that is the important thing.

You may think me negative, I'm not, all the time you are off duties or on partial part-time ones in a non-stressful environment you have hope - and that is the most important thing of the lot. So please do not set yourself up with any chance of failure by taking on too much too soon, so that hope is extinguished. It is very hard to regain and is your most powerful asset for your whole life right now.

Does this make any sort of sense?

You have motivation, a competent medical support that belongs to you, and I'm sure will get there despite previous anxiety. You overcame it before, and the same ability is still there inside you.

I ended up in a completely different sphere of life, one I'd never envisaged, and my anxiety, and all the rest, is under control and I'm competent, accomplished, feel satisfaction, give and receive support and love. It happens.

Please do let us know what you think and how you are going. Always seeing another work at it and return successfully to being a MOTF is truly heart-warming.

Croix