Get it off your chest
This is my first time doing anything like this but I feel like I’m struggling hard. I’m too scared to go see a GP. I’ve always been the “strong” one in my family. If I talked to them about having possible anxiety attacks they would absolutely pity me and never look at me the same way.
Just writing this down in text is making my heart pound and chest feel heavy.
I’ve been having random “bursts” of discomfort on my chest and slow deep breaths is the only way to move the lump away from my chest.
I thought it started when I bought my new car. I thought maybe I was feeling a little anxious about the car repayments or the new commitment I just made, but I keep feeling this stupid lump that makes my mind race to think of stupid scenarios that will never happen or make me overthink the way someone greeted (or didn’t greet) me.
I know I’m being irrational but then that small part of me says “are you? are you being irrational or is something really up and you’re just overthinking your overthinking?”
It’s a never-ending cycle. And it’s exhausting.
I crunched the numbers again and reassured myself that the new car was in the budget and it wouldn’t be a silly investment in the long run so I know I’m not feeling anxious over that anymore. Just thinking about it doesn’t give the lump or make me overthink.
For the past two weeks I’ve been feeling this lump, this pressure! And it comes out of no where. I can be in the middle of playing with my kids and I’ll have to stop and go somewhere quiet and take deep breaths.
I can be in the middle of cooking dinner, or even in the middle of doing my job which I love!
I don’t know why I’m beginning to feel this way but I’m overthinking everything and I’m feeling like I’m going to pass out from my overwhelming feelings. I feel like the room is getting smaller and smaller and my chest gets heavier and heavier and a blackness starts to slowly creep in until I feel like I can’t breath anymore. It stops when I shake myself out of it and take deep breaths and tell myself I’m being an idiot.
I feel like I’m not good enough. I need to be a better mum, a better wife. I need to be a better daughter, sister, cousin you name it. I need to work harder at work. Everyone is better than me and I’m not doing enough.
I don’t know what I want out of this post. I feel like it needs more context, more something. But I don’t know what.
Maybe someone can give me some tips on how to manage not being being the best.
A good start is seeing ur GP if you leave it too long it could get worse this lump ( the lump is usually anxiety) I suffer some of your symptoms deep breathing kinda helps I walk a lot that helps me a lot. You’re certainly not being silly , it’s ok not to be perfect it’s ok to be struggling, it’s also ok to ask for help , not to be strong enough cause sometimes we all need support and it’s not always easy to carry a burden whatever that burden may be alone . It’s also ok to worry over things . Perfect I feel myself is not an option cause no one is not ever. flaws make u you and being able to ask for help takes courage. U can and will I have no doubt and I think your family will help you if they know the extent of how you are feeling about things . Sometimes we all need help and that’s ok. I was strong a long time myself and now I rely on others to help me remain strong and to help me get thru things these are support systems and they are so important. Please don’t be afraid to ask and tell people your not coping