Can’t sleep

[Moose80]

4 years ago I was diagnosed with severe heart disease and had to undergo quintuple bypass surgery at the age of 39. At that time I was terrified that it would take my life or one night I would fall asleep and never wake up. I have a wife and young child and want to see him grow up to become a man. But over the last 4 years the grind of working full time, being a parent and living with this disease has worn me out to the point where I’m just physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted almost all the time. I was working for a company for many years but in the last year I decided to change jobs which was a hard decision because I had to start all over again with sick leave and annual leave, which is a big safety net for me because of my health condition. Recently I had a mishap at work and it cost me my job. It has literally devastated me, now I’m having to start all over again, again. I have health symptoms that I ignore for fear of having to spend weeks in hospital, I think I have ptsd from that place. I have anxiety about applying for jobs, worried that they’ll hold my condition against me. I find it hard to be happy around my wife and child which affects them. I’m at the point where falling asleep and not waking up doesn’t seem so bad.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Moose80,

A warm and caring welcome to our forums,

I am so sorry your going through all that….

I have and still do have heart disease since the age of 23…I’m now 67, when I was first diagnosed I was afraid to do anything physical even to play with my sons for fear of something going wrong…with my heart…

One day I realised that I’m wasting my life by having this fear, so I decided that my fears will not take away my happiness with playing with my children or getting a job….My husband ended up getting me a job and a very physical job at that on a production machine….it was fast paced and exhausting every day, but my fear of my husband was worse then my fear of something going wrong with my heart….I stayed at that job for over 18 years….and through those years I forgot about my heart disease and ended up enjoying working there….and I really enjoyed enjoy playing with my sons….

I learnt when I do feel the symptoms of my heart, I redirect my thoughts off them onto something I like doing…(I grounded myself)…and this helped me a lot…

Starting a new job again can be very stressful, maybe try to find a job which isn’t very stressful for you…I felt that if management doesn’t employ you because of your condition, then they are not the right people to give your time and experience to….They don’t deserve you working for them….

Please, Dear Moose, if you have health symptoms, please try not to ignore them…and reach out to your Dr, Cardiologist to get checked out….you’re life is very important….to you, your beautiful wife, beautiful children and friends..They need you in their lives…they love you…

I am now 67, living alone in a small village, (husband passed from cancer) after hubby decided on a tree change…..hundreds of kilometres away from my sons…I watched them grow, get married and have children of there own….I have 9 grandchildren…..I don’t see them much because of the distance and that my sons work 6 days a week, but they all know that I’m there for them if they need me….I think what I’m trying to say…is to try hard to live your life the best you can and to enjoy every second you can with your beautiful family….

My kindest thoughts given with my care Dear Moose..

Grandy..