GAD

[Blondyroses]

Hi, I'm new to this group. I've had GAD all my adult life (and teenager but it was called high strung back then ☹️) I am medicated for it which helps me a lot. I also suffer mild depression and PTSD and panic attacks but not regularly and also Social Anxiety.My husbands sisters (2of them,) invite themselves to stay when they come to Melbourne. Both are interstate and we see one more than the other. They usually bring their partners and make a night or two of it. It doesn't happen that often, ie maybe 3-4 times a year. I get very upset when they want to come and I spiral into a depression and anxiety immediately. One lot will be here in a couple of weeks and I know that will weigh on my mind until then and I will become more anxious. I don't like anyone staying AT ALL. I just want to be by ourselves (hubby and me) and he is quite happy to do that too. However, they're his sisters, and feel obligated to say yes every time. We are retired so not usually doing much but I wish we had the calendar filled just to avoid these stays. We are in country Vic not Melbourne so just a visit would not suit them. How do I manage this? Am I over reacting? This is real to me though. I get physically ill and my mood changes dramatically.
Thoughts on how to handle this please?

[therising]

Hi Blondyroses

Far from easy being a real feeler at times. Feeling a loss of personal space and feeling a sense of dread are definitely not pleasant feelings, that's for sure. My heart goes out to you as you work so hard to manage how you're feeling this upcoming stay.

Being a gal who's a major feeler, I've come to realise over the years just how much can be involved in an event. The compulsion to break everything down, so as to know what I'm trying to manage, is I suppose what has led me to be so analytical...

My husband's aging parents live interstate and don't come to stay anymore but when they used to come for about a week at a time I'd feel it, including the lead up. Should add, they're generally easygoing people yet I'd still feel

• not having the freedom to walk into a quiet and empty room (aka losing a sense of peace). I love the feeling of peace
• racists slurs from my father in law, in regard to others (aka having to feel another person's triggering nature)
• having to conjure the people pleaser in me more often, even if I didn't want to (aka feeling inner mental conflict)
• Feeling a triggering change in my husband's nature. He'd develop this 'Watch me be king of my castle' blokey bloke insulting and dismissive attitude at times and would drink more heavily with his dad around

and the list goes on. I'm a happy introvert by nature and stay over visits would test me in a number of ways. What would you say tests you when certain people come to stay? Are they super easy going people or do they have elements to their nature that trigger you in some ways?

One of the ways I came to manage involved dividing the days up - time being out of the house visiting someone, bit of time spent weeding the garden, time spent going out to do the shopping, time spent with my kids, time spent sleeping from 9pm to 6am. We all gotta sleep. With that last one, I'd say I'm going to bed around 8pm and watch an hour's worth of tv in the bedroom before sleeping. Could you plan the days so they look more easy to manage? This won't automatically make things easy but may make them easier. It's not about avoiding, more about managing not being with guests 24/7. What would your personal itinerary look like?