G'day everyone, just a self introduction and a request for some fairly specific anxiety related support.

[Hypersleep]

Where to begin. I guess I'll just start with my condition that made me sign up here today. I've been having trouble eating. For about a month now. Now, this isn't the 1st time this has happened to me, infact it's the 4th by my count, the 1st event like this being what lead me to being diagnosed with Anxiety.

So it's a very mixed feeling, knowing that I've beaten this before, certainly under worse conditions (Cyclone Marcia in '15 left us without power for about a week, that absolutely shattered me but again, I made it and I'm here still.) From what I can tell what set me off this time was losing our phone line and internet for a few days when I was already feeling a bit down. So that happened about a month ago, only lasted a few days but by the time I could get back to my regular distractions and habits for dealing with my anxiety I was already quite severe. No appetite, upset that after going so long (about a year and a half of being on the 'offensive', so to say, with my anxiety) to learn that I can still arbitrarily be brought down to what I consider my worst really hurts. I kept a journal last time I was this bad though, and I am updating it daily again. I find it helps. Sorry if I'm veering all over the place here, I'll get to the core of my post now.

Basically each day I wake up awash with dread. I'll be lying in bed calmly but as soon as my brain acknowledges that I need to get up I start to feel the tenseness, gagging often, up till lately it would lead to expelling phlegm quite painfully before I even left the bed. Thankfully lately, possibly through the help of an app on my phone called Smiling Mind, I've been more calm in the mornings but I still dread food. Every time I look at the clock I see how long it's been since I've eaten and how long till I need to eat again. Everytime I feel something in my body I assume it's food related, that I'm hungry, that I'm about to be sick, that I'll need a trip to the bathroom. Yet thus far it's been none, besides upping my food only twice in the time I've been like this. So when I got bad enough to start writing in my journal again I was eating a banana, chicken soup, and a frozen meat pie. I was never a big eater but to think I thought I was bad then when now I string through the day on snacks, scared of each one, though a little less as each individual day goes on. Somedays I can have more than just snacks (that I eat slowly.) But I still wake every day terrified of the food to come. I'll elaborate more.

[Hypersleep]

"So when I got bad enough to start writing in my journal again I was eating a banana, chicken soup, and a frozen meat pie." I was comfortable with this amount of food and improving on the other parts of my mood and mental being. But then 1 day I got particularly bad, I woke earlier than usual to see the Dr, ate on the way home then went back to bed, causing my normal "morning" nausea later to make me up food, which then freaked me out (as food was already hard to eat) I then expelled a lot more, a scary amount. This happened again later that day and has brought me to what I survive on for the last week or so. Just purely snacks, primarily bananas, since I can cut them up into smaller pieces and take a bit at a time while doing something else, not rushing myself. (This is similar to how I was in my journal that I'm trying to mimic.) Sometimes chicken cup soup, rarely finishing it before it's cold, if at all. Sometimes a party sized chocolate thing with the individual wrapping. I went shopping two days ago and got more food that can be had like this slow, relaxed method. I got yoghurt, I was looking for 'plain' yoghurt at the suggestion of a friend but ended up with Vanilla and it is very strong for me. Still I ate most of it. I got some "Uglies", little school food sized packs of chocolate chip biscuits. Some museli bars that are not as nice as I remember as a kid but hopefully have enough protein and energy to keep me relatively healthy if I can manage to eat the nasty things.

I can search all I want for "good foods to eat when feeling nausea" online but when my anxiety is really brought on by food it's tough to find answers suited to me, especially when I'm asking for specific brands and names here. I'm hoping this website being Australian in nature will make any reccomendations for easy to eat, segmental (healthy but hopefully mostly bland tasting, yet easy to stomach) food or snacks easier to find. Sometimes I do feel up to a bigger meal but thus far I'm just too afraid. Last night I did have a full packet of chicken noodles which made me so happy, but I can't force this.

Which brings me to my other reason for posting. I have been meaning to turn my awake and asleep times around but as I mentioned earlier, I generally begin to feel more calm and happy as the day goes on. This makes the eventual bedtime hard to resign to and likely the late nights are what's making it so damn hard to leave bed in the morning. Tips for getting out of bed in the morning?

[Hypersleep]

Hypersleep said: I'll elaborate more.

Well I left a huge reply elaborating and it's not here. Hopefully it's still being moderated and will appear, I have too much spare time to think about this so it's kind of worrying me. Also I realize I didn't actually introduce myself much. Assuming this comment appears I will!

[Guest_9809]

Hi Hypersleep, and welcome to the Forums.

Sorry you havent had a reply as yet, I suspect nobody quite knows what to say, myself included. However I didnt want you to think you hadnt been heard. Please be assured that you have .... but I am just baffled as to how I can help you.

Judging from your comment, it sounds as though you have a post being help up for now. It will likely come through in the morning.

I look forward to reading more information as it comes through. I have you tagged now, so will get back to you once I know more. I feel sure that others will also come on board with advice and support once they know a little more about your situation, and how they can assist you. I know you will find the community here to be very helpful and supportive.

Catch you again tomorrow.

Taurus

[Hypersleep]

Introducing myself though. Well I love media. Music, art, film, games. All of which help me cope, but sometimes it's easy to stick to even more familiar things in those mediums and not branch out due to an almost superstitious anxiety. (Afraid to 'soil' things that bring me joy with current feelings of nausea.) I'm 21 years old, I don't drink alcohol and I've never done any kind of drugs personally. I even tried to stave off any anti depressants till I got really bad because I'd prefer to stay natural. Hoping to avoid any future withdrawal and dependence on such things. Even when I'm this bad I try not to let my anxiety define who I am. I try do the same things I would've done had I been feeling fine and still strive to make progress. Usually rewarding myself with food for doing new things but funny enough that's not really an option right now.

Hypersleep said: I was eating a banana, chicken soup, and a frozen meat pie.

So basically for about a week I survived on this kind of diet, and I felt happy enough to focus my efforts on improving my mental headspace back to what it was. I'm not a very active person so I don't need a whole lot of food generally. But I've gotten a little worse so now I string by on snacks. My diet has never been particularly great, but it was a full diet.

Question 1: I'm wondering if anyone else has been through something like this and has any suggestions for food that I can slowly eat in small portions. Healthy food is welcome but preferably nothing that's too hard to stomach, be it too bitter or too sweet. I've checked online myself for this and some of the suggestions help, but they aren't specific or localized to Australia.

Question 2: I tend to feel more calm and able to eat easier as the day goes on. Whether this is my medication kicking in or things quieting down as people go to bed. This leads to me staying up pretty late at night. Which is fine for now, eating takes priority over healthy sleeping periods. But the past 2 days I've been really fighting to get out of bed. It has been cold and honestly I love snuggling up in bed under the cold, but at the same time I'll never slowly turn my clock around if I keep on setting alarms I don't keep.

P.S: Thanks. Yeah I kind of front loaded it, haha. Just spoke to some people from the hospital today so it's kind of fresh on my mind. I really appreciate it though, I look forward to telling people my story and helping others on this forum. Cheers!

[Guest_9809]

Hello again Hyper. Okay, so your post which was previously help up, has now come through, which sheds a little more light on your situation. Thanks for that.

Admittedly I am still quite unable to make any informed suggestions at this stage. Have you tried Sustagen yet? It is a good food supplement which will provide necessary nutrients to keep you physically healthy during a time where you are perhaps not getting sufficient elsewhere in your diet. So it could be worth trying.

But I must leave other suggestions to others who may have more insight than I do. Hopefully by posting here now it will bring your thread to the attention of other members here.

I see that your have updated your profile picture. What a gorgeous little dog! Perhaps you would be interested in another thread here which is located in the Staying Well section of these Forums. It is what we affectionately call "The Pet Thread", and I have actually just come from there after posting on it myself. There are some lovely stories there from pet lovers, so you would be most welcome to contribute something there as well. Pets are very important in our lives when it comes to keeping ourselves well, connected and happy.

If you are interested I will give you the address here for you to cut and paste to your browser.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/pets---helping-you-through-tough-times-and-keeping-you-well

I hope others will come to your aid Hyper, but in the meantime please browse other threads here and feel free to contribute to any existing thread that interests you, or which you have input into. You will be welcomed warmly by other members.

Wishing you the best.

Taurus

[Hypersleep]

Thanks for the reply again. It's hard to shake the urge of wanting to wake up to a bunch of replies that all help. Or in general just wanting to come across some miracle fix one day. Do you think it's worth me moving the body of my post to the anxiety part of the forums? Or will people find it here and help me?

I will check out the thread too. I love my dog so much. But sometimes I do get sad, only lately she reminds me of all the things I can't do sometimes. Ugh. Sorry I need to shake out the bad feelings and focus on the good. It's hard to say exactly what got me out of this feeling the previous times, but it's safe to say it's a mixture of everything I did. Including being happily greeted by my little Picolo each time I arrived back home and all the times I see her sit in my doorway awaiting acknowledgement to come in and lick my feet raw as I'm on my computer.

[Mellows]

Hi Hypersleep!

It sounds like you're doing it pretty tough at the moment. The more anxious you get, the harder it is to eat. Sorry to hear you're going through this, it can steal a lot of joy from your life.

I want to ask you if your fear of eating is actually linked to a fear of nausea or vomiting?

I had a similar experience a few years ago. I could not eat out at all! I was deathly afraid of getting food poisoning and vomiting (it actually has a name - emetophobia). I could only eat food that I had prepared and cooked very, very well. I stuck to vegetables a lot because I felt they would be the least likely to make me sick. I have since read that rice is a good food for settling a troubled tummy. This may be something you could try on it's own at first and then maybe start adding more nutritious and bland foods with it when the anxiety subsides.

I would be interested in hearing back from you regarding my question earlier in this post.

I just want to add that just persevere, you will get through this. It will end one day and you will be stronger and wiser! And when or if it comes back again you will be better equipped to deal with it. It's going to be ok

[Mellows]

Oh my gosh! I forgot to mention in my earlier post just how completely adorable your little dog is!!!!!!

[Hypersleep]

Mellows said:The more anxious you get, the harder it is to eat.

Indeed! It's quite a vicious circle. I'm worried about not being able to eat then worrying makes it harder to eat and it's just crazy. At the start of my day if I could just be set on a course and know I'll eat and be fine I'd be so more relaxed but I spend every waking moment looking at the clock petrified of my next meal/snack. Plus it's not like I can just say 'it's okay to miss a feed, I'm not feeling it now' because that'll just make the next one harder and more important, increasing the stress related to it. It's hard to say lately in response to your question. Lately, I've been handling gagging and nausea symptoms quite well, but it's like I'm worried if I eat and get sick that I'll break my streak of not throwing up almost. It's more like food just reminds me of the complications it can represent, and my struggles with it in the past. A friend in another chat room questioned the link between the two, I can't remember it exactly but I think we decided it was. I'm asking him and will reply later if he remembers.

That is an interesting ailment- emetophobia. On the surface it sounds similar for me, but I'm more worried about eating something that would make me sick because my anxiety would set off something in my brain and I'd avoid that food for so long as I remember it making me sick. When my appetite is already stretched so thin the last thing I need is less options to eat. I will absolutely look into that though, could be helpful information. Does it come and go?

Thank you so much for your reply aswell, I was so happy to see another person respond and your words of inspiration too. At the end of every day I do feel confident, calm and keen but each day I have to restart my mood and fight to feel confident again, so every message like that helps. I'll let my doggy know she's got a fan. 🙂 She's got her little winter coat now and just a little of her fringe covers her eyes. I love it. If you want to read more about her I made a post about her in the pet thread by Taurus, found at:

/ staying-well / pets---helping-you-through-tough-times-and-keeping-you-well