Frustrated

[Blondyroses]

hi, I suffer chronic GAD, depression, mood disorder and various other stuff. I was on medication 300mg a day. It gave me a good nights sleep, however, I was drowsy most of the day or extremely tired by the end of it. Usually had to have a nana nap. Anyway, so I got sick of being tired all the time and hav e gradually backed off to 200mg. It still helps my mood, anxiety still happens but not as bad and same with panic attacks. It's liveable. However, I have soooo much trouble getting to sleep. I take various types of pain killers ( as I also suffer fibromyalgia) and this helps me sleep or I take a sleeping tab. Once asleep I will only wake once and can usually go back to sleep. My question is, am I better off taking a sleeping pill at night or going back to 300mg?  

i also have anxiety attacks where I shake uncontrollably- for no obvious reason. Exercises help sometimes but today I took a relaxant. I also have a problem with control. All things must be in order, no surprises, planned days but only one day at a time, only manage a couple of biggish tasks a day (ie shopping and housework), I have zippo zilch motivation and I have to force myself to do things around the house. Since on the high meds, my house is less tidy (but clean) and little jobs become huge when they all start to pile up. I become so overwhelmed that it affects me physically. I hate mixing with strangers, parties, big events etc. I only have a couple of close friends who I am comfortable with. It's like I have to put on a nice act just to keep them all happy. I like being by myself. Is there anything wrong with that?? Seriously.  I also feel that people are always judging me, talking about me etc. I immediately think the worst of a situation or comment. I get upset ( on Facebook) if I see people from my past. I'm seriously thinking about closing my account. These people hold bad memories for me. Should I face up to it and not worry (but I know I will coz I worry about EVERYTHING) or block people or just get off Facebook. I know I am anti social but I like it that way. I wish the world would just leave me alone and if I feel like talking to someone I will. Is that attitude selfish? If so, I will still think that as its how I feel. Sometimes I even worry that the world's problems are huge, much bigger than mine and I feel like I'm just being selfish and shouldn't whinge. My problems are so small when measured against third world country problems. 

[Neil_1]

Hi blondyroses

Thank you for coming to Beyond Blue and for providing your post.

Just with regard to your first para, I would think that you probably should check with your doctor about those kinds of things.  It’s good that you haven’t mentioned any particular brand of tablet, as that’s one of the rules on this site – no tablet name mentioning, so that’s all cool.  But yeah, with regard as to which you’d be better off with, that’s probably something to fire at your gp.  Or perhaps you could give one way a go for a couple of nites to see how it works out for you?

Ok, and in regard to paragraph No. 2, oh boy, you’ve described things so beautifully, it makes you feel as though the reader is right there with you – and for a lot of us, we are.  Because that’s what so many of us experience – I ticked off a number of those as I was reading, so I can definitely tell you that you’re not on your own.

Oh, but don’t ever compare yourself to other situations and then try to think it’s just trivial and shouldn’t be raised or be a problem.  Because it IS a problem and it’s definitely not trivial, as all this is happening to YOU and you are important.  But we have all these internal struggles that we have to battle with pretty much on a daily basis and it gets to you – it really does.  No one else can see it, no one else can feel it, but we do and we do BIG time and it’s as frustrating as all hell.

I’ve never done Facebook and most likely never will.  I’m an email kind of guy.  So for me, though I can’t really advise you, I’ll say that “I’ll advise you to close your account and get off Facebook”.  Oh did I really just say that and advise you?  D’oh !   But for us with anxiety issues and stressors, where we do worry about everything, I can see how being on Facebook could really set the alarm bells going off in the mind – and once you’ve read or seen something, well, that sticks in our mind – definitely not good.

There’s nothing wrong with being by yourself.  The thing with all of this is to try and find the most comfortable and least stressful way of dealing and handling your day and if that’s being able to remove yourself from things and you’re able to do that, then giddy up, go for it.

So it’s great that you’ve been able to come here and unload and describe your situation, your feelings – and as I mentioned, you did it so well.  I do hope you can write back again, would love to hear from you again.

Neil

[HA1]

Hi blondyroses!

I too would like to welcome you to beyondblue.  I agree with everything Neil has said, he has provided some wise words.  I would, however, like to stress a couple of the points you have made.

Firstly, as Neil has already mentioned, everything you have described is many of us to a T (it certainly describes me!).

Secondly, carrying a mask around is also something many of us have done.  Nowdays, I tend to take the attitude 'take me for what I am or don't take me at all'.  Bit selfish, I know, but in managing this illness we have to do what we believe is best for ourselves and this is OK for me (but everyone is different).

Thirdly, catastrophising is a personality trait that I have struggled with a lot over many years.  It eats away at you thinking that people are talking about you, criticising you behind your back, or staring at you for some odd reason.  It is difficult to manage these feelings, and in my case are part and parcel of my illnesses.  But now that I understand and have accepted that for me it is mental health issue, I can move on from these negative thoughts.  (Hmm, did that make sense??)

Lastly, you are not "anti-social".  You may have social anxieties, but that is quite different from being anti-social.  I always thought I was anti-social, until a psych I was seeing corrected me in very blunt terms. 

It would be great to hear back from you.

K

[geoff]

dear Blondyrose, well thanks for posting your comment and from what you have said I feel as though I could talk to you for hours, because I find your comment to be very interesting.

Can I firstly say that you can never compare yourself to those that,     

[geoff]

sorry I pressed a button that I shouldn't have, maybe too excited, however to continue on, you can never compare yourself to those that maybe worse off in the Third World countries, we understand what these poor people go through, however when you or anyone else posts a comment, then this issue is all about you, and yes we do put these poor people to one side, because they can't help you either financially, physically or mentally, so this current situation concerns you.

There is also a difference between anti-social and social anxiety, where anti-social is being a snob which you aren't and social anxiety is wanting to mix with other people but are too afraid to do so.

In regard to taking your medication, well you and your doctor have to weigh up the pro's and con's and from what you have said there seems to be quite a few with the conitions that you unfortunately have.

Facebook has been a continual site that has caused many problems for people, because of what people say about them, in which case I would delete it, scrub it and never to go back onto it.

What people say could concern you, but what you don't know won't hurt you, and those little eyes that always want to have a look, try and teach yourself not too, your time is more valuable doing something else.

Forgive me for not saying that the posts by Neil and K should be read a couple of times, because they are well said.

Love to hear back from you. L Geoff. x