First time posting and sharing about how I feel

[Butterfly82]

Hi everyone, I am new to beyond blue therefore please bare with me regarding my post. Currently I am feeling very overwhelmed with my anxiety issues as I recently changed jobs and struggling to adapt to the routine change as well as the none contact with people and basically sitting in a corner by myself. I have always suffered with anxiety and depression. It seems to come and go but is always there deep down but of late and since starting my new job it has been horrendous. I don't want to go to work, I cry every day, I shake, I go dizzy and quite often cannot calm myself down but for some reason I am able to hide it from my colleagues when I do attend and I do not want to discuss these kind of things with them. Am I supposed to tell my new boss I have this anxiety? Am I meant to say this job sucks and isn't for me? I am still on probation for another month and I do not know what to do. Besides this I have the ongoing financial concerns if I was to give up my job to pursue a new career because finally I know what I want to be when I grow up (I am 35 geez) I would be worse off financially and not have enough income to cover all outgoings, its the main reason I stay in these kind of roles, for the financial gain but I am well and truly miserable. I have a drs appointment this evening as a follow up regarding current health plan, I am not looking forward to telling them how much worse things have gotten. I'm sorry if this is a jumble of different thoughts but I am the same when I am having conversations...whatever I think I speak! Thank you for allowing me to offload, any thoughts and opinions are welcome as I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

[white knight]

Hi Butterfly, welcome

Love your name.

We with mental illness need to be like a fine tuned violin. If one or two things aren't working well eg financial pressure, relationships, work satisfaction, then our world caves in.

So if the job isnt for you do you think its best to begin looking for a job that is more fulfilling?

Try googling the following

Topic: be radical- beyondblue

Topic: how I eliminated anxiety- beyondblue

Finally, anxiety can develop into depression so a visit to your GP is a good move.

Tony WK

[BballJ]

Hi Butterfly82,

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Well done for posting your story and having the courage to do so, it isn't easy that is for sure and I am glad you could talk about what you are going through. As someone who has dealt with anxiety for around 10 years and I can understand what you are saying and where you are coming from. All those feelings you mentioned about the dizziness and the shaking, I have been there and know how hard it can be to come out of it. One thing I picked up in your post is you know what you want to do that would make you happy but the financial side won't allow you to do in terms of what you do for a living. You are never too old to start doing something you love and 35 is very young in the scheme of things. Is there anyway to sort of budget your outgoings where you can do what you want to do?

Work anxiety is quite common on these forums and you mentioned you are going back to the doctors this evening? How did that go? It is never a bad thing if you say you got worse... the fact of the matter is, you are telling them it has got worse and not hiding it, then they can work out the best way to go from there to help you. You already have taken the first big step in reaching out for help and at this point it is just continuing those steps on the road to recovery. It may not be a bad idea speaking to your boss about what you are going through but I know how tough it can be at the same time.

Remember, your health, mental and physical should be #1 so please try and take as much care of yourself as possible.

Please, post back as much as you wish, I am always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[geoff]

hello Butterfly, I'm pleased Tony and Jay have responded to you with some great advice, however to tell your boss may only depend on the r/ship you have with them, in other words, whether they will be kind and understanding towards how you feel because this can make a huge difference.
To follow this up you've got a month to go on your probation so there must have been general remarks made back to you over this time, but from what you have told us your anxiety is pretty high and that's certainly not good for you, and what will happen if you are taken on as a fulltime employee and that's what you have to think about, so let's put the money to one side, so do you want this job, feel happy in it or is it going to cause more anxiety for you.
If the answer to this is yes then you should be looking around for another job, and even it's less in wages but will make you happy, then that's what you should be looking at doing.
You will still need help with your anxiety, it's an illness if we can call it that, and hope your doctor will accept a mental health plan for you.
Let us know how you get on. Geoff.

[Butterfly82]

Hi Everyone, Thank you for your nice words and feedback. Dr sent me for blood tests and a spinal CT scan. She was very thorough and although all the things I am experiencing could be anxiety related she is covering all bases! I have a mental health plan in place already but this stupid job doesn't allow enough flexibility for me to attend a therapist near to home. My meds have been changed as I am yet to find one that works for me. In terms of my job, it does not make me happy at all, it makes me anxious and lonely which in turn makes me overthink a lot!! . I am a people person and being stuck in a corner looking at a screen is not where I am happiest so basically the only thing keeping me here is the money so I can cover all my outgoings and support a family. I do have a plan of changing my career but again I need to be able to financially support it which isn't unachievable but will take time. Now I just have to figure out how to raise the funds to be able to study and then go on in the path I wish to. I think discovering this forum will actually help me a lot, I know I am not the only one out there that experiences anxiety and depression but there is still a stigma attached and not everyone will talk about it or do not know how to respond to someone that wants to talk about it. Thank you again for responding.

[BballJ]

Hi Butterfly82,

Thanks for your replying. It is always tough when having to go to work and trying to battle a mental illness, it is never easy. It seems you know what you need to do to get happier which is good but getting there is the battle, leaving a good paying job is always tough when you are trying to support your family. I believe you will get there, is there an option for part time study at night? I know the increased work load may be tough but if it is something you truly want then maybe it is an option.

You are very right about the stigma attached to mental illness and it is real. These forums are amazing and I think you will find them great.

Please keep posting as much as you like.

My best,

Jay