First time in a forum

[mpmelb]

Hi... I have been suffering from health anxiety since shortly after my first child was born, almost six years ago. I had a breast cancer scare when my baby was 6 weeks old and that was the onset of my health anxiety. Since then, I have been on and off of medication and went through CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) nearly 2 1/2 years ago which was helpful. Right now, I am suffering very badly with it. Whilst my child is at school today and my husband is at work, I have spent the day sobbing because I am convinced I have colon cancer. You see, cancer is my problem. I obsess over it. I had an accident a couple of weeks ago and injured my hand, requiring plastic surgery. This seemed to flare up my anxiety and I was hyperventilating, which was making me dizzy and get lots of headaches, so naturally I thought I had brain cancer. Somehow, over the past week or so it has managed to switch to colon cancer. It's so ridiculous, I know. I also know that the symptoms I am experiencing are because of my diet, and the anxiety but no matter how much I reassure myself, I can't get past it. I am trying to implement the strategies I learnt in CBT but today, I am a mess. My husband is so busy at work, I feel I can't burden him with my struggle today. So, here I am, needing to vent and do something other than cry. The thoughts of dying from cancer and having to say goodbye to my child are overwhelming me today and I just need something from someone to help me because today, I can't do this on my own. Thank you.

[SourceShield]

Hey,

I'm glad that you've found us.

Anytime you need to vent...you just go for it.

You are very brave, but sometimes you feel really weak...like today, so that is when you must lean on those that are here to support you.

Like this service, and others.

Also, obsessive thinking about cancer...is literally doing your head in.

Unless you are a Dr, then truthfully, you dont know for sure.

Take the foot off the accelerator and take a few deep, slow intentional breaths.

Also, when we are in a panicked state, its actually very difficult to implement CBT strategies...because the brain is wired to follow a 'worried thought', its one of the weird things about the brain...we are all negatively biased, by design!

So, get all the crying out, and then shift the energy state in some way...go for a walk, listen to your favourite music, eat something delicious, watch your favourite show.

Remember you are loved.

You are beautiful and precious.

You are worthy of happiness, and great health.

I will believe that for you, if you cannot believe that for yourself today...so, just know that you have a cheering squad for you here!

MuchLove

p.s. have you looked at seeing more professional help?

[DorianGray]

Not today, not never should you have to do anything like this alone.

I've only just joined this forum today, but what I have seen in the past hour or so has made me feel just that little bit better. I can see I am among people who are going through what I am and they this is a place where we are all hear for each other.

Consider me too apart of the cheering squad for you!!!!

[SourceShield]

Considered...and accepted!

Have a lovely night, friend!

Peace

[Pixie15]

Hello mpmelb,

From my experience it is very hard to press submit for the first post so congratulations for doing that.

If I was seriously worried about colon cancer I think you can buy a kit from the chemist fairly cheaply to check for blood in the stool. I do not know what your diet is doing to your digestive system. Years ago a doctor told me I had IBS. I stressed literally for years about what foods in my diet were causing it and ended up with a very limited diet. In the end no diet adjustments seemed to be helping. I got tired of the struggle and decided to just eat regular food and put up with the symptoms. When I stopped worrying about it sort of went back to normal after awhile.

I know stopping the thoughts is easier said than done.

I hope you keep posting. I think it is helpful to share and know you are not alone.

Good luck,

Pixie.

[mpmelb]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support. I calmed down and implemented some of the techniques I was taught in CBT. I'm ready to tackle this head-on and get to a better place. I think with me, I know that I'm slipping but I don't do anything about it until I've reached the state I was in today. Instead of letting it go, I need to be more proactive. Thanks again.

[KittyCat17]

I can totally relate to you. I have just recently come out of a place where I had convinced myself I had some form of cancer.

I started working with people with cancer about two years ago and hear about it everyday. The worst is when I hear about people my age who have just been diagnosed (I am in my late 20s).

Its a long story but over the last two months I have been checked for numerous cancers, breast, blood, brain etc. and all has come out fine. But I was literally in bed, crying my eyes out to my fiance as I was convinced I had some form of fatal cancer. Of course at the moment I dont think I have cancer because all the tests have come back fine but I do worry if in a year I may start thinking this again.

I have started working with a psychologist to combat these thoughts and I highly suggest you maybe go back to speak to yours, even though you have learnt the techniques, it may be beneficial to readdress these reoccurring thoughts.
I understand how frustrating these thoughts can be because your rational mind says "dont be ridiculous" whereas the other side of your mind says "but what if..."

One thing my psychologist did tell me is to think about what you would say to your sibiling, or best friend, if they came to you with concerns about cancer. As most likely you would say something like "you dont have cancer- you are fine, you're probably just worrying about nothing".

Anyway I do hope you start to feel better soon x