Feeling like I am done with everything

[Anxietyridden]

Hi everyone,

It's been a rough day today. I let my manager know today that I am feeling like I don't belong at work as I am not being included in things and one of the girls doesn't talk to me much. She wasn't very supportive and told me I shouldn't cry. I now feel like I just should have shut up as I am worried she is going to talk behind my back about it. She knows I have severe anxiety as I have been open about it but I am just at the stage where I just want to stay home as I know I won't be judged at home but then I will feel guilty that I am not working. It is so hard not to overthink things.

I am also struggling with home life. I have my mother and 3 adultish kids at home. I had to come home today and change all of the kitty litter as it is bin night and they just sat there and watched me. I seem to be the only one who can take the bins down every Monday night and the only one who can clean the fridge out. They can't do anything without being asked.

I am 110% fed up with everything at the moment. 

Sorry, rant over. Thankyou for reading

[Guest_25376156]

Hi there,

I have been having the same feelings as well. I'm alot younger then the staff in my office so i feel like i dont belong there due to my age. I feel as if my manager doesn't truly care about me. In reality the people in my office only want me there to get work done for their benefit. and i feel like no one really thinks im good enough. im sorry that you feel this way.

i also have a odd family/home life and im struggling more then ever.

unsure if my rant is helpful but wanted to say your not alone.

[therising]

Hi Anxietyridden

I feel for you so much as you manage being surrounded by people who can't fully relate to your challenges. It can be so incredibly tough when this happens and can have the added side effect of leading us to feel like we're managing so much alone.

I've found that people will either 1)raise us or help us graduate though challenges, 2)leave us vibing at the level we're at or 3)they'll bring us down. If you're good at being able to get a feel for things, you'll be able to feel which one of those 3 things they're doing. I can't get a sense of any 'raising' coming from your manager. While I can relate to a senior manager at work who proclaimed 'It's not my job to manage the staff's mental health' after mental health issues were raised in an OH&S meeting one time, I have a direct manager who could not have been any more compassionate than what she was when I expressed my level of anxiety at work about a year and a half ago. Her advice was 'You need to listen to anxiety because it's telling you something has got to change. Things can't stay as they are'. I still refer to her advice to this day. One of those managers is a raiser and the other is not. No need to point out who's who. I think some managers are strictly business and others are about far more than that.

When it comes to managing home life, as a wife and a mum to 2 grown kids I'd have to say I can relate to the highly questionable behaviour of those I live with. I've found a fair question at times would have to be 'What the hell are you all doing, why can't any of you take initiative and make my life easier?!'. Perhaps getting to the bottom of how such behaviour comes about can be a good starting point when it comes to addressing it. For example, if we've been a stay at home parent for a number of years, we may have developed the habit of doing just about everything around the house. Technically, this means other members of the household are in the habit of doing just about nothing. So, two habits that need to be broken or changed in some way. I'm currently figuring out how to do this myself, as I look at a pile of dishes on the kitchen bench this morning after having cooked dinner last night, after having worked on my feet yesterday through an 8 hour shift. Maybe we could consider

• Trade: I'll continue cook for you if you clean out the kitty litter boxes or wash the dishes
• Demand and consequence: I demand you all become more conscious. If not, these will be consequences...
• Management: As the manager of this house, I will make your roles perfectly clear, so there is no confusion
• Triggering compassion: If you could feel for me, even just and ounce, you would feel how having to do so much on my own is leading me to feel overworked, unsupported and alone

The list of strategies continues. I smile when I say one thing that definitely works at times involves me channeling the highly intolerant sarcastic 'tell it how it is' cow in me🐄😁 (I love this upstanding part of myself). She can sound a little like 'Okay people, I know that leaving me to do most of the work around the place is a full time job for you all but it's starting to wear thin. I want you all to come to your senses. If you can smell the bin, it's a prompt to take the garbage out. If you can see the stuff you've left lying around and something tells you 'Put it away', learn to listen to the voice in your head. If you can hear the fridge making a noise that means it's on the verge of breaking down, discuss with me how you're going to call the fridge repair guy. If you can feel the shower floor needs cleaning (based on how it feels against the soles of your feet), clean it. If you can get a sense of the kind of chocolates I love to taste, gift me some occasionally as a way of saying 'thanks for all you do'. Be motivated through your sense of smell, sight, hearing, feeling and taste or continue being senseless. Btw, I would learn to start trusting your 6th sense. If you are getting a really strong sense that I'm about to blow, you seriously gotta trust that because you would be right when it comes to what you sense'.😊

[Doolhof]

Hi Anxietyridden and Guest,

Work places can be difficult places to navigate at times. I'm sorry to read your stories and hope you are able to find ways to support yourselves if you decide to stay at work.

A while ago I brought up issues at work regarding senior staff talking to me rudely, not responding to my questions, no eye contact when talking to them and so on. I was told it was my fault because I did not fit in. I asked how could I fit in when they were always so rude to me! How could I perform my duties correctly with out information?

I'm still working there but at reduced hours. Last year I was told team meetings would be organised monthly as I work weekends so I could be kept informed. That has not happened.

I do my job to the best of my ability. I do so more for my own self esteem and well-being. I acknowledge my ability when I have to work things out for myself as my emails are rarely responded to. I feel like I just work there and don't belong tot he team, at least I can be appreciative of my own effort!