Feeling crushed under the anxiety of large life decisions and alone in my experience. How can I cope and does anyone else struggle with this?

[AnxiousFriend]

I've always had anxiety and I typically manage it fine through speaking to my counsellor when I need to. The past few years though I've noticed my anxiety become totally immense and all consuming when it comes time to make a large life decision.

Recently I was looking to buy a house with my partner. The house itself was fine but I wasn't in the best headspace leading up to the decision and so my partner was the one doing most of the heavy lifting. We had a few days to finalise our decision and I basically had a mental breakdown. I made myself sick, with constant fear and panic and inability to see light from dark. I had to say no to the house on the grounds of needing to get healthy again before I could make such an important decision.

Since saying no I've been speaking to my counsellor regularly, and I've also started on Lexapro about 2 weeks ago, but my anxiety hasn't eased. It's become even more all consuming. I'm in a constant state of panic about my job (wondering if I'm not doing well enough), my relationship (wondering if I'm not meant to be with my partner), regret (about not buying a great property), or worrying that my experiences partying and using recreational drugs have ruined my brain and I'll never be normal again.

The biggest one is the partner decision, it's hit my like a truck out of nowhere following the decision on whether to buy a house and I'm being snowed under by it. I'm putting off my work, I can't focus and I just want to feel normal again. I'll talk to my therapist only to feel terrible again the next morning. I desperately want my medication to start working but I'm also scared the emotional blunting will push me away from my partner who I really do love.

My anxiety is the only emotion I've felt for about a month. I try to think rationally about my relationship but my anxiety is always the loudest voice in the room. I struggle to feel happiness or sadness or anything else. I'm considering seeing a clinical psychologist, and have been considering going into an inpatient program because right now I'm just not functioning.

I guess I just wanted to understand if anyone else struggles like this? I asked my therapist if the extent of my anxiety is normal and he said for most patients no, but it is for some. I'm just a bit scared I'll never be able to make big decisions, and will sabotage things like my relationship and career.

[HappyHelper88]

Hello Anxious friend, Thankyou for your post
I am sorry to hear about what you are going through, that must be tough
Thats great you are speaking to your counsellor regularly. Is the lexapro helping?

I have been in a similar state in the past and have been consumed by my anxiety in all aspects of life it is exhausting.

Medication and counselling can only help so much you have to also work on it yourself, put together a toolkit and some exercises to do when you are triggered and the more you practice these exercises the better you will become at managing your anxiety.

I think seeing a psychologist can really help they can help you manage this and an inpatient program could also be beneficial.

I think with time and perseverance you will be able to get better you just need to take it slowly day by day

You Got this 🙂

All the best and I hope you find the support you are looking for. We are all here to help.

[Petal22]

Hi Anxious Friend,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way I understand anxiety can be very difficult to deal with especially when it’s at high levels.

I experienced severe anxiety I was diagnosed with OCD, I have now recovered from this condition thanks to the help that I received from professionals.

Im not sure if your medication is an antidepressant but if it is my doctor explained that our anxiety usually gets worse before it gets better when taking antidepressants I experienced this and I’m fine now.

Has your psychologist been able to give you helpful strategies?

Have you ever been diagnosed with anything? I saw a clinical psychologist a clinical phycologist can diagnose a normal psychologist can’t I also saw a psychiatrist.

I believe meditation and therapy go hand in hand.

When my anxiety was severe it totally consumed me and couldn’t function it was horrible, I was also having panic attacks.

I also had past things come up and I’d get really anxious over them when I hadn’t before my doctor told me it’s because I’m anxious.

If you have questions about your medication please talk to your doctor.

Be around people this helped me.

Practice slowing down your breathing.

Practice meditation.

You will get through this and get stronger, by seeing a psychologist or clinical psychologist they can help you to challenge your thoughts and think about things in a more helpful positive way……..

Hang in there

[Avery_lam]

Hey, I think we are simular. I’ve had anxiety for 20 years now. On and off, but lately it’s definitely on and very strong. A lot different to the past. It’s comes quickly and there is no time to adjust or even use the skills set to calm itself. I would think this is the worst I can get because I don’t think there is any more pain and scary thoughts I can get. I’m honestly scared.

I don’t really have medication, only something which helps sleep. I’m just afraid to take tablets as it’s not really taking the problem. Once you stop. It comes back again and maybe heavier.

I can relate to what your going through. Tough time. Hard decisions, stressful ones are we get older too. Work relate and finances. Too much to mention.

happy to share and discuss more. Back to work for now. Will check again later.

[quirkywords]

Anxious friend welcome to the forum,

I don’t see myself as anxious but making a decision big or small is so hard for me and at times I feel dizzy.
I can relate to how you felt about the house. Life decisions are so difficult and one is under a lot of pressure,

I sometimes write down the advantages and disadvantages of a decision.

I think to focus and ignores the what if’s.

[Banksy92]

Hi AnxiousFriend,

I can relate to a few things you mention in this post, know you are definitely not alone and that it can get better.

While I've always had anxiety, I think my use of recreational drugs in my early 20's made things amplified. After a few years, a bad falling out with 'friends' and just generally feeling awful in myself I quit everything and focussed heavily on my health. After working with a psychologist for a while I was already doing a bit better, and I continue to get stronger every day.

Once we work through our feelings and get support from someone who can help us identify our triggers, thought patterns and unhealthy mental habits, it's easier to tackle.

Even if we start from a really 'unwell' place (for lack of a better term) everyone can be helped. The brain can learn, adapt and improve. You can feel happier and more balanced with the right support.

Big life decisions definitely trigger me as well, just this week I'm potentially starting a new job after 3 years in my current one and I've been waking up in the night feeling anxious - even though I really want the job! It's just a lot to process. Makes you look at everything through a microscope.

I'm glad to hear you've got some support, and I'm sure in a week or so your medication may take more effect and ease your anxiety too. Is it worth waiting to see how you feel before going to an inpatient program? Or do you feel you more urgently need this type of support?

[Shay123]

Hey AnxiousFriend!

I'm sorry to hear that you're anxiety has gotten so bad but it is ok! I have been struggling with terrible anxiety for years now and am now on medication too! However don't lose hope that your medication isn't working...it takes times to find the correct type and dose as everyone requires something different to have the best effect and it's totally normal to try a couple of different medications and different amounts before finding the one that works for you! I understand that living with anxiety can be extremely challenging! But just know that your partner knows that you have anxiety and the fact that he's still with you and loves you regardless just shows that he genuinely loves and cares for you as a whole person....the bright and the dark side! You're certainly not alone either! I'm not even in a relationship and I still question how people feel about me but i've learnt over the years that I actually have no proof as to why that would be true and if it's true then i ask myself (realistically) what's the worst that can happen? Making big decisions like these in life will always be intimidating and everyone will feel that way...just to varying extents but that doesn't make you weird or a freak....it makes you human...and remember you can always ask a trusting friend or family member for their advice on what the best thing to do would be and if it all gets too much then we're always here to try and guide you in the right direction mentally. You're incredibly brave for reaching out and asking for help so keep going! You're doing so well!

[AnxiousFriend]

Thankyou so much everyone for the warm and kind words. I've never posted to this community before and I feel very supported from everyone here.

My anxiety has been slightly toned down and more manageable over the past few days after talking to my doctor who is amazing. I also booked an appointment with a clinical psychologist who I'm hoping can help me work through my decision making and what I want in my life / relationship.

The irony of wanting to see a psychologist to make better decisions is that I'm worried about picking the right psychologist now. Mostly tossing up whether to see someone who specialises in relationships or not. Did anyone else see multiple therapists before finding one that clicked? What were the traits that made you realise this is the therapist for me?

[Mbnbkk_jmnmnm_impuju_um_m]

Hello, very important to find the suitable therapist. You probably will have to talk to a few. Also, everyone has anxiety around buying a house and a relationship and their job. Lots of lucky people have supportive families and their anxiety does not get out of hand. For those that don’t it is Very important to back yourself. You can do this by recording yourself talking positively about yourself. Then play it to yourself. Hearing your own voice can be really therapeutic. If we were to listen to our own recording for long enough dnd frequencltly enough, eventually we would change our subconscious thoughts and we would be way less anxious. See lots of people have this wonderful inner chatter that tells them they are wonderful. We too can learn to do this and we too would get great results. I am really going to give it a big shots myself. Would you be interested in doing this also? Cheers