Feeling at a loss with my life

[Bones17]

I recently relocated towns due to being really unhappy in my previous work as well as being unable to make meaningful connections in my outside life. I have been in my new place for just over a month and I am really enjoying my new work however, I can't help but still feel empty inside.

My anxiety levels still seem to be really high and I feel like I cannot make proper relationships with other people (no motivation to go out on a date/lack of desire to try and meet someone). I know that relationships aren't everything, however as I get older I can't help but feel I am going to be left behind. For so long my anxiety has ruled my life. It tells me I am horrible and ugly, it tells me I am unworthy and that people will judge me. I don't feel beautiful or that anyone will want to get to know the real me once they find out that I deal with this on a daily basis.

I have friends that seem to care about me some of the time, but I frequently question how long they will be in my life. From previous experience people tend to leave me without warning or explanation so it's hard not to feel like I am the issue!

I have tried joining a sport to find people but this has been unsuccessful in the past. As for online dating, I have been on a few dates with people but this never leads anywhere and I am at the point of just not even caring to go on the apps anymore as it feels like it will never be worth it.

Have other people been able to shake this feeling? Or get past it? Or are some people just not destined to find their person?

I am in the process of changing my anxiety medication to see if it will help but with that also comes its own anxiety attached to it too.

Would like to hear people's thoughts and to know I am not crazy for thinking all of this?

Thanks 🙂

[smallwolf]

Hi.

You are certainly not going crazy.

The feelings that you speak about - of being not beautiful or being judged... have you spoken to anyone about this before? If so, how did that go? Some of these thoughts are a result of things that have happened to us in our past - at least that is how it has been for me.

(I guess that if online dating has not gone well, that would impact on how you think of yourself. It could also speak about the other person as well. Perhaps about their own insecurities they cannot tell you. If they just disappear that says more about them than you. Reframing your thoughts.)

I should say that from your post there are a few positives. You were able to change jobs. You tried out sports.

On changing medication ... I am on an AD that works most of the time. I won't change because I am scared the next one I try would not be as good!

What sort of things do you like doing?

Maybe join a community group?

If you find something you enjoy doing that lack of the motivation you speak of might change. Sometimes thought, even if you do not feel motivated you have to push yourself. For me, I should go or a walk if I feel down. My mood will change when I reach my destination - for the better.

Hope some of this helps.

Tim

[Bones17]

Hi Tim,

Thank you for your response.

My current AD has not been overly helpful and I was trying to get my previous GP who prescribed this to help me find another although she didn't seem too concerned (even though at my mental health care plan review my DAS results had not shifted after being on meds for almost 9 months and seeking help from a psych). And yes, I am really scared about this new AD but at the moment I am just really not happy with myself and perhaps the benefits may outweigh the risks (I hope!)

And no, I have not really had the guts to talk about relationship/feeling stuff with others or even a psych as this is an area that I seem to have always struggled with - even in high school and university I was never in relationship that meant anything. Since moving towns I have found a new psych, however my first appointment is not until September as this was the earliest they could fit me in. I guess this may be a new avenue for me to explore with them once I work up the courage.

Relationship wise people always seem to have the excuse that "its not the right time for me to find someone right now" <--not sure what that person was then doing on a dating site as it blows my mind (but anyway). Maybe everyone has just not been the right person for me and they will eventually come along. I just know that in my current life routine the chances of that are slim (I work in a predominantly female - dominated occupation).

I know that I really need to get back into my exercise as I have been really slack and this probably has had an impact on the way I feel about myself. It is just working myself up to even getting dressed to go for a walk that I can find sometimes the most challenging!!!

Thank you for your response, I feel a little better knowing that I am not too crazy for feeling this way currently.

Thanks,

Chloe. 🙂

[David35]

Don't put too much faith in online dating sites. I've never had any luck and the few women I have met on them never eventuated into anything. The hardest thing I've had to deal with myself is not worrying too much about what others think of me. People either build you up or knock you down. Often the knockers in society have so many "issues" themselves that I would take their opinions with a grain of salt.

When I was at my lowest, I took up woodworking building wooden kids furniture. People thought I was crazy because I didn't make any money, But doing something for yourself, not only clears the mind of all the noise, but it builds confidence in yourself. People will make fun of you, sure. But usually they're just jealous that you have something they don't; contentment, satisfaction, confidence, enjoyment, all those things. So my suggestion is to find something you enjoy, whatever it is, and follow that.