Feel the need to escape from hard life/Imagination/HELP! :(

[KFPDW]

Hi, I need to talk about this and get it out in the open. I'm 22 years old and I have an active imagination. But I do know when when it's the right time to use it and whatnot. No trouble distinguishing reality from real life with me. But that's not why I'm here. I'm going through a tough time right now with life in general with split parents, social circles at uni and I feel alone facing it. I've done alright on my own to start of with but after so long, it's starting to get harder. I feel like I can't be myself around my friends or family, the real me. I feel squashed in a tight box and frustrated feeling I'm not good enough. I feel like lashing out at the world (Metaphorically I mean, not actually physical lashing) just so I can let the world know who I am. I do go to counselling for help which has made a good difference but there's still this part of me that needs to say this in this way on the forum. I never said this before now so here goes! I miss having a best friend, someone I can turn to and hang out on a regular basis. So I use my imagination to escape when things get hard and at one point long ago I had a friend where we played in a fantasy world like Bridge to Terabithia sort of way. But he moved away so it felt like I lost a part of myself. I'm not ashamed of my imagination at all but I miss being able to have that friend where you can turn to and vice a versa, and have that Terabithia imagination world to escape to. I wanna do that again I feel embarrassed that I can't turn to anyone to have that place to escape to with them. Because I know there's people like that who are creatively amazing. I just never can seem to find them. I can never turn to my friends about this because I would calm up completely because I feel like no one would understand me. I know people do larp stuff so I don't see what's the difference. I feel the pressure so much that I have panic attacks that I can't help. Some people that I used to get along with OK react badly and don't take want anything to do with me once they see it. It makes my feel like their closed off reaction is a reminder of my actions no matter how hard I try to get along with people. Overall, I feel so alone and I feel stupid saying that I want to have a imaginary escape world with a close friend I can trust. More than anything really, I want to have that again. I don't know what to do 😞

[Terry73]

Hi and welcome to the forums,

I see you mentioned that seeing a counselor is doing good, I would urge you to keep that up, at least it is someone to talk to right?.

It is sad to lose a friend, or be forced apart (what ever the case may be), and having an imagination is a good thing. I think you may have an opportunity here you may have not thought about, even if this is used as just an exercise to help you cope, its still well worth considering. What you could do is start writing, and letting your imagination run wild onto the paper, maybe you might become todays new J.R.R. Tolkien? or even get into painting/art. Its a way in which you can still let your imagination get out, and a way in which you can still live in those moments you remember.

Anyway, thats something to consider,

Terry

[stormcloudz]

Hi KFPDW

An imaginary escape world with a close friend you can trust sounds amazing! No wonder you miss it.

I'm thinking about this and realising that my friends who create imaginary worlds are authors. (Are you a reader? Is it the same?).

I understand about the struggle to be yourself. The early twenties are an age where people are trying to define themselves, and based on some recent similar posts you aren't alone with your questions about identity and self-expression. I can tell you it does get easier with time. Meanwhile, we're here to talk to anytime.

Welcome to the BeyondBlue Forum : )

[KFPDW]

Wow that was quick! 😮 I didn't expect an answer so soon. Thank your for your replies Terry73 and stormcloudz, much appreciated. 🙂 Well it's a relief to know that I'm OK with my imagination and it is good to finally being able to talk about it at last though. Maybe writing and doing artwork can be a way to get my creative spark and imagination out, it's worth considering. I guess it couldn't hurt to try that. ^_^

It is hard to find a place to be myself, hence why I miss the imaginary escape world with close friend more than ever. Will I ever find that again? I wish I could. 😕

[MsPurple]

Hi KFPDW and welcome.
I myself also have a vivid imagination. I also sometimes escape in my imagination. If I can't sleep I kinda just let my imagination go wild until I fall asleep. It helps me escape from the stresses I may have going on in reality.
I used to play imaginary games with one of my childhood best friends too. Our favourite was lion king. When she moved away it was hard. I felt like we would both use our imaginations or play with beanie kids, but no one else was doing that. I feel the pressure to stick more in reality which I guess I didn't always like (especially when I was younger my parents divorsed and I didn't get along with my step mum). So I can relate to you.

[Ggrand]

Hello KFPDW,

I have been going to my fantasy lands ever since I was a little girl, I had friends their as well but not one in particular, they would all be were I decided to go, to escape from my Narcissistic parentscand hubby...I still visit my fantasy world at times of distress...I can relate to your fantasy life, and really if you can continue to go there...There is a thread here called "virtual fantasy escape ".. where you can write a fantasy escape for others to read and enjoy...if you feel like doing so. If not that's okay as well...

I'm just wondering if you have spoken to the uni psychologist about how your feeling so alone..maybe he/she can help..

Sorry I'm not much help, I'm struggling a bit atm but just wanted you to know that your not alone..

Grandy..

[MsPurple]

sorry I accidentally pressed send too early.

I think there is nothing wrong with having an active imagination. I think some people have it and some don't and that's ok. I can't draw but I can just imagine myself away. My creativity is more personal. It just needs to be used at appropriate times like trying to go to bed, or when on the train, not when needing full concentration (like doing a uni assignment).

It is good you are seeing a councellor. I see a psychologist and I find it really helpful. Especially for my GAD and how to manage it. Another thing I found helpful while at uni was joining disability services. If you have a diagnosed mental illness (not sure if you have so sorry if I am misspoken) you qualify. It helped me as I was given some special consideration. For me that meant they had to give me a day off a month from placement so I could go to therapy. Now no one knows why you join disability services. For all they knew I had diabetes. It is a good fall back and they give you support when required. For me I didn't utilise it but it did help knowing the uni could help me out if needed.

[KFPDW]

That's Ok MsPurple, I have made that mistake numerous times in sending stuff all the time. Thanks for replying though all the same. And you've misspoken badly by the way, I understand what you mean. I have actually applied for special consideration, uni is very considerate of people's situations which is helpful. 🙂 It's good to know that I'm not the only one with an active imagination and is in this sort of situation. I feel less like a freak now. ^_^ Lion King is a good choice. 😉 I'm sorry to hear about your family split and hope things are Ok on your end.

[KFPDW]

Thanks Ggrand, I appreciate your reply very much. I didn't realise there was a virtual fantasy escape thread on here so I'll check it. 🙂 That's cool that you've got your active imagination still going. Sorry to hear that you're struggling. I hope things improve for you soon. 😉

[stormcloudz]

Hi KFPDW

No, you're definitely not a freak : )

If you have anxiety you might like some of the guided meditation with an imaginative theme - try googling Honest Guys Fantasy Meditations (don't worry, it's strictly family-friendly!).

Do you want to talk about the aspects of yourself that you hide away? What sorts of things can't you talk about with others?