Feel like I can't do anything right.

[Pandapie93]

Hi all...

 I'm new to BB and pretty nervous about posting this, but I can't cope anymore on my own. I can't cope telling people close to me of my anxiety and depression, I feel like I've let them down some how and that I'm being judged. 

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for about 9 years now and only came to terms with it on the last couple of months as my anxiety attacks have become so severe. I live in a mental world of hell where I feel like a constant failure... I worry about every word I say and every move I make, worried I'll upset someone or be judged for my words or actions. I find it hard to sleep from worry and when I do I have nightmares. When I have anxiety attacks I feel physically sick to my stomach and get sharp pains in my chest and head... I get muscle cramps and want to burst into tears and run as far away as I can... I have an amazing life, so many amazing people in my life and I love my job, why can't I just stop worrying and be happy? What's wrong with me??!!! hate this disease, it's ruining my life and so many others.

 please, I beg of any hints or tips on how I can overcome this. 

- Panda 

[Wonderer]

Geoff. Thank you for sharing. Did you learn any coping techniques along the way?

[Doolhof]

Hi Panda and Wonderer,

It is great you have both come on board to share your stories! Thanks for doing so. It is always helpful to be able to share how we cope or even how we don't cope with others, and to able to offer suggestions and encouragement.

I haven't been answering many of the Posts lately as I have been having a bit of an "interesting" month myself. I have depression and suffer from stress quite badly lately. This month I have been hospitalised for the depression for a week or so and just recently found myself back in hospital with Vertigo which the Dr has put down to being induced by stress and anxiety!

I was on a drip and a load of medications to help me get better then sent home to recuperate.

So for you both, please don't ever think that you should be ashamed or embarrassed, or feel like you are a failure because you suffer from depression/anxiety/stress or any other mental illness. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is something to try to understand, learn more about and try to find ways to deal with it and move on with your life.

Okay, coping skills, once you learn some, it is a good idea to continue to practise them and also to admit to yourself and others when you are not coping and you need some extra help!

There are great resources available on the net, you have both found your way to Beyond Blue and people here help and advise each other. Please try to listen to your Drs and attend the appointments to the people whom they recommend you see.

I am now seeing a Mental Health Nurse through my GP. At first I thought she was a bit forceful and too direct for me liking, but that is what I need right now. I want my life to improve. I want to learn how to do things differently and want to make the most of the opportunities that come my way.

Panda, you may find it very beneficial to check out relaxation techniques and practise some of those. I find that if I can make time each day to do an activity I enjoy, like drawing, reading, creating something with material, cooking or gardening, then I feel a lot better about myself and the world in general.

I tend to "chat" a lot !! I wish you both well with finding solutions and help, and will keep an eye out for your posts to see how you are getting on.

Cheers for now, from Mrs. Dools

[Wonderer]

Mrs Dools. Thank you. I have been stressing as my Dr has been suggesting I go into hospital for 'a while' which has made me think I may have been saying too much, or not articulating properly about what is going on inside my head. I have been trying not to talk about it much which makes me worry more. It all makes me wonder.

[Doolhof]

Hi Wonderer,

If your Dr. is recommending you have a stay in hospital, then I would like to suggest that if you are in the situation where you are able to, then please do so.

I am speaking for myself here, I try to do too much around the place, to help too many people and put myself way down on the list of proprieties. Eventually it all builds up and I can't cope any longer.

I try to be strong, I pray to God and ask for His love, care and help, and maybe His help is through proving the opportunity for me to be in hospital for a while.

When I am depressed I can back off from my family and friends as I know is common with people suffering from depression. There for I cut myself off from the help and assistance I may have been able to receive that way. Some family members and friends just tell me to pull my socks up as well, and that is their way of expressing care I guess! Ha. Ha.

So you have this opportunity to have a rest in hospital. Cease it. Make the most of it. Have a rest. Use the time to think about yourself and how you would like things to be for you next week, next month and start planning how you can do that, or rest completely.

Is your Dr thinking of sending you to a Mental Health Unit somewhere or to a general hospital in a ward or room for care?

You may be wondering how you can "just drop everything" to go to hospital? I ask you, wouldn't it be  better to plan to go to hospital rather than to be dragged or forced there because you are in a total mess?

My Dr gave me the option recently to rest in hospital and I jumped at his offer. It was not ideal timing, my husband had just returned from a fairly major operation only 3 days beforehand. I had a bit of a hard time for a couple of associates relating to my work because I hadn't provided them with ample notice to reschedule my clients with other carers, but that is all part of life.

The world didn't come to a crashing end because I was in hospital. My husband recovered from his operation. My client's were cared for. Most importantly I had the much needed rest that I needed.

I've prattled on again. Ha. Ha. Please consider the hospital/rest/getting better option.

From Mrs. Dools

[Wonderer]

Mrs Dools. Not sure what type of hospital it was but I didn't like the sound of it at the time. I was a bit of a mess when he suggested it and I suppose his rationale was right when he said "if your leg is bad, you go to the hospital - same with your head"

It sounded very extreme at the time and I have been on medication since then. I need to be able to trust my doctor without being worried he will put me in an institution. I guess that was my concern. 

My main problem at the moment is anxiety which makes me want to hide and sleep with the help of medication, but then I don't want to get up as all the problems are still there. The anxiety is kind of new as the depression has been around for a long time.

I am taking it one day at a time.

[Doolhof]

Hi Wonderer,

Just on the Mental Health Unit/Hospital bit, as far as I know from my own experience, having attended a MHU once, if you walk in there voluntarily, you can walk out when you want to as well.

If you are taken in under police guard against your own wishes, for your safety and the safety of others,  then I believe you are required to stay in the hospital/unit for a couple of weeks. That is how I believe it works in SA any way.

It is understandable to be concerned and wary of what may happen to you, that is only human!

Have you spoken with your Dr. about the anxiety? Have you looked up how to assist your feelings of anxiety on the internet? There is information here at Beyond Blue you can access to help you understand how you are feeling. I have used the webchat here and also the phone lines.

Research some ways to understand and combat anxiety, choose something you feel will help and work for you and try it. If you don't feel like you are getting any where, try again the next day or a couple of days later.

The main thing is to try! Taking it one day at a time is good. We can't do tomorrow's jobs today, so why worry about them and other issues today, wasting the good vibes we could be feeling.

One day, one step!      Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Wonderer]

Mrs Dools. Thanks. Yes, it was to be voluntary but I was worried it would not be so voluntary to get out, not knowing anything about it. I am doing lots of research at the moment into all of the issues.

[geoff]

dear Wonderer, I'm sorry I've been away over Xmas, but in Vic I was taken in a divy van to the hospital, but after a day or so my wife came in and was speaking to the doctor, then they called me in and we spoke about happened, that's when they told me 'don't assume anything', so I lied so I could get out, at this stage was wife wasn't living at home, but I could go home.

My belief is that if you volunteer to go to hospital you can leave when you want to, but after you have spoken to a doctor.

If you are taken in by anyway, against your will, then you aren't allowed to leave until the doctors are satisfied that you are safe, it may have changed in Vic but that's what happened to me some years back. Geoff.

[Pandapie93]

Thanks Wonderer, Mrs Dools and Geoff for your responses.

wonderer I think I would be the same if my dr suggested such a thing to me, I'd flip out for sure. But it makes sense what Mrs Dools is saying and maybe it would help you. 

Geoff thank you for sharing some of your history, I'm glad you've battled through the hard times and are still here fighting strong. 

I just wish I could stop worrying about every little thing... a friend of mine explains it as catastrophising... I take a small thing and make it seam huge in my mind... 

[geoff]

dear Panda, thanks for also replying.

You know it's never an easy feat, as you have to always be on your toes, because once you have overcome depression, this can be a factitious statement, because we never can totally overcome this illness.

Some people may say that they can overcome it and if they do I wish them the very best, but for say myself, there can be those niggling thoughts that once you had while in depression, but your defences have to be to be active, and stop any of those bad thoughts to go any further and then pull you down, which means that I can forgo or able to do this when I feel the way I do now.

For example when I was driving home yesterday I was listening to a disc with emotional music I love, and I felt if I want to I could quite easily cry listening to these songs, but I was able to pull myself together and then block those thoughts, that's how overcoming depression can make you get on with your life.

In contrast if I was still suffering then I would have been a mess, but thank whatever ? I didn't have to succumb, I was strong enough to pull through. L Geoff. x