Fear of never feeling happy or in control

[Bambino]

Hi,

I have now this fear that I will never feel happy or in control no matter what I do. No matter how much breathing, walking or psych appointments I have I just feel like it's all hopeless. Does anyone else get this ? I need a bit of hope. 

[Mummybee]

Bambino, 

dont give up on me!

it takes TIME more than anything to help your body reset.

dont let the bad days/moments stop your quest forward. Eventually the bad days get fewer and the attacks slow down

keep walking, keep breathing and give yourself some time.

you will be ok again, I promise

mummybee 

[Chicken_Wings]

Mummybee is right. When you're in a dark place the whole world looks dark Bambino, but it always passes. 

This new fear is your anxiety coming out to try and rattle you. But you can do this.
And you are not alone in this fear. Every time I get anxiety my first fear is "what if it doesn't go away this time?" but... it always does! Always.

Breath, yes, walk, yes. But don't do it as a task.
Stop, smell flowers, see if you can figure out which bird is making that annoying noise. 
Maybe go to a park that has those weird exercise contraptions and try and figure out how the hell they work. Watch a family at the free BBQ and if you're anything like me wonder if a drunk guy pee'd on that thing last night. ENJOY your walk. 

This doesn't last forever. I promise I promise I promise.

You are doing the right things. 

[Bluey_moon]

I do get how you feel Bambino, sometimes I feel like that too. 

But you received some very good advice in the previous comments. So I don't have a lot to add except you've got this. It won't be dark forever. Night time always gives way to the new morning. Hang in there 

[Bambino]

Thanks Bluey Moon, Chicken Wings and Mummy Bee. The advice was comforting and really helpful. I have been having quite a few ups and down lately. I felt OK for a bit then BANG 2 - 3 days of c**p ! I'm due to see my doctor tomorrow so will definitely chat to her about it. I just long for a normal day where I am not worried or anxious or having a panic attack! One day I guess......

[HelenM]

Perhaps I am in a similar place to you Bambino and if so please tell me- I feel so alone. I used to suffer from depression. This year it's been terrible anxiety. Not physical but really strong fear. It starts as fear of something specific and then I become frightened of the fear and not being in control. I become convinced that my life will never get any better. This is where I am just now. Today has been horrendous. I live in Scotland and it's teatime here. My resistance to life is poor lately and I dread Christmas so I imagine becoming more ill. I would love to switch my mind off

For my routine is crucial. Mental illness calls for tremendous bravery! Take care,   Helen

[Mummybee]

I like that word bravery Helen. I think people that live with anxiety show bravery everyday in the simple things that most people do without thinking twice. Whether its going for a doctors appointment, or going to a crowded place or making a speech, going shopping or even driving a car. 

We are brave and incredibly strong. Hopefully the strength grows every day

mummybee 

[Chicken_Wings]

Helen I know sometimes your fear feels insurmountable. I know it seems like you will be like this forever. 

But the first step to feeling better is recognising what is happening and why you feel the way you do, and you've done that! 

The thing with fear is that it's natural. Its natural to be scared of things, everyone does it. The difference is that we hold onto that fear. We ruminate on it and make ourselves feel worse. 
And you sound like me in that you are scared that you will become fearful in a situation and not be able to control your behaviour or the situation itself. So as much as the situation might be scary, you're actually more scared of your fear!

Is this why you are worried about Christmas?
I've been talking to my psychologist about fear and control. We can't necessarily control our thoughts, but we can manage them. If there is something that you are scared of, then part of overcoming your fear is having a plan.
For example, I am scared of flying, but I know I have to. 
So I need to make a plan for this. I need to take small steps, plan for things that might happen, but not avoid them. Be ready for my fear, but don't bring it on myself by expecting it.

Unfortunately, we can't control everything, as much as we wish we could.
But what we can do is be prepared.