Driver Anxiety - Advice Needed ASAP!

[tr65]

Hi all,I'm a Victorian and I've had my learner's for about 3 years. I've done 140+ hours and I did my Hazards about 5 months ago.My mum pushed me to book my license drive test for next week, even though I do not feel ready to drive independently – primarily due to my anxiety.

Most of my hours are due to my mum taking me down the same simple routes on local streets and main roads, because she is too nervous take me elsewhere.I had a professional lesson yesterday in the Burwood testing area and I basically freaked out, because I'd never driven in an area like that before. My instructor is good but really strict (pedantic). I asked her honest opinion about whether I would be prepared for my test an she said I would probably be able to pass my test, but whether I am able to drive confidently and safely by myself is questionable. I 100% agree with her.

had a lesson with her today in peak traffic and my anxiety skyrocketed - totally clouding my good judgement and of course, the more mistakes I made, the worse my anxiety got etc

In the past weeks, I have been waking up in my sleep sweating and my heart palpitating thinking about driving. I can't eat before I drive, because of how nervous I get. I know people get nervous about their test, but I feel this is definitely excessive.I just had a huge argument with my mum about postponing my test but she is really unhappy about it. She can't understand why 'everyone else can do it' except me. (I'm going to postpone it anyway ) I tried talking bout my anxiety with her but she just yells at me and says it's just me being stupid and to 'snap out of it'. I've briefly discussed it with my driving instructor, but I don't want to palm this issue onto her as it is not her job.

I really wish I could 'snap out of it',. I've suffered from anxiety before, but I've always say no to medication and have fairly successfully self-managed my anxiety and depression (In past years when I suffered from anxiety for different reasons my mum still didn't believe me and I had to seek out private medical help); but driving is something I really need to do eventually. Public transport is basically non existent where I live, and I can't keep asking my parents/friends to drive me around.

Has anyone else had this kind of experience? How did you manage it? Please help,

Thank you so much! :)(PS My mum is actually a great and kind lady she just has different cultural values to me so sometimes it's really hard to explain stuff to her)

[Beltane]

Hey! Oh i feel your pain, i went through exactly the same thing! I vomited for days before my drivers test, and lessons were awful! So much panic. I cant remember how i got through my test- i remember i was EXTREMELY anxious, but i focused really hard on breathing and concentrating on the road.

ok first thing: anxiety is a MENTAL ILLNESS. Ok? its a combination of a chemical imbalance in your head, plus unhelpful coping skills ( or lack of coping skills) plus learned behaviours.

If we could snap out of it, we would. Obviously. No-one wants to live with an anxiety or depressive illness. If the heart can get sick and needs treatment and medications, and the same can happen to the liver, then why do people think the brain cant get sick?! it totally can, and it totally needs treatment too- in our case therapy, lifestyle changes, learning new healthier coping/ behaviours and yes in some cases medication. Please discuss whether medication could help you, even if its something short term just to help you get through this stressful time. I know they sound scary, and you think maybe you can get better yourself- and i'm sure maybe you can!- but some people really do find a LOT of help from medication, because medication fixes the chemical imbalance that goes on in a lot of depressed/ anxious peoples brains.

I do therapy too- i've done nearly 3 years of CBT and ACT therapy- and it changed my life it really did! But my medication really helps me cope with life- lief is so much calmer and easier- i still need therapy to achieve long term results- but wow, my med really helps.

Please look around BeyondBlue- there are plenty of educational articles designed for family members, you could print some off and give them to your mum. You could also ask her to come to the therapist or doctor with you so they can explain anxiety to her- she needs to understand it is a very real illness. She isn;t helping you at all by treating you like this- but unfortunately its very common. people just dont understand that its an illness, they think we can just "calm down" or "cheer up" or "snap out of it".

Secondly, postponing your test sounds good. You can use the extra time to work through strategies and coping skills with your therapist. Skills like relaxation, deep breathing, ACT or CBT therapy- all these can help. Exposure therapy might help- thats where you do it under very safe controlled circumstances and teach yourself how to cope, then you make it harder and harder

Good luck

[Prawn]

Hi TR65

I have had similar experiences to you with the driving thing I have been driving for about 8 - 9 years now I am not a very good driver but I think that now I have learned that its not only just me that I rubbish on the road. So I have gained a lot of confidence in myself on the road and I have just come back from the UK where I had to drive and it taught me to me a lot more ruthless on the road and comeing back here I am so much better at driving but I was lucky that I went through my driving test and stuff without to much stress. I did start learning from my parents but that didn't last long as each one of them is very stubborn just like me so we clashed so I did private driving lessons. Maybe you should look at doing some with a driving school before your test to settle your mind. They will tell you if your ready or not and they know the best spot to do it. Mine told me to rather do mine at the vicroads away from my local one as it was a better area with the speed zones and all that stuff and they can be in the car with you and they always know the testers and they normally chat while you drive so its not so much pressure of everyone looking at you. With your mom. I don't know what to say because my mom was exactly the same I am a bit older I was diagnosed with ADD when I was little and my anxiety has come from being on medication for that for so long and I think that my mother doesn't want to accept it and she is from another generation when things like anxiety and depression were a big no no to mention sort of a thing she is also a nurse and has always been tough when it comes to us being sick. She just doesn't want to admit that I am like this because she could blame herself or something but I don't know. I don't really talk to her about this sort of stuff when I was diagnosed I paid for it myself and everything but I think that Beltane's idea is great to take your mom to a session with your therapist it will help her understand what happens and the kind of ways we can do to make it help.

I hope that has helped you. Good luck with your test. I'm sure you'll be fine.

[Beltane]

I had another thought about the exposure therapy,

i think you should consider postponing the test and trying to make you mum realise the truth about your anxiety.

 other than that I think the best way to overcome your fears of driving is to practise practise practise. Talk to your therapist ( if you don't have one you can get one from your doctor who can get you 10 Medicare funded sessions with a psychologist- it'll eirher be free or very cheap so money shouldn't be a problem). Your therapist can give you strategies to cope with not just driving anxiety but anxiety in general. You definitely need to get some help dealing with this as you onviousky don't want to be unable to drive!

so the therapy will give you strategies to cope. Can anyone give you lessons other than your mum? I think she's actually making it worse- she's so bad at dealing with your anxiety that she makes you anxious around Her! Certainly not helping. Can a friend with a full license take you for a few lessons? Try driving around the back roads and gradually go to more scary places- using coping strategies you learn from a therapist to stop the freak out.

trust me it will get better with time. Eventually you'll learn to cope quite well with traffic and driving. I did! I can drive anywhere now. There are still places I prefer not to drive- I hate driving in busy traffic so I don't often go into the city. But I CAN if I have to, I just don't like to.