Does anyone's anxiety get in the way of having fun/talking with best friends?

[Natalia_R]

Hi Everyone,

So I thought I'd reach out about this issue because I want to find a way to improve my situation and help out anyone else experiencing this :).

Almost every time I hang out with my long time friends, I get so nervous that it interferes with having a good time. It has nothing to do with them but the fact that I can't completely relax around the people I should be comfortable upsets me every time. It upsets me, even more, when they are conversing so effortlessly whilst I struggle to talk back and can't hold my part up. Sometimes I worry that they'll leave me because I'm not interesting enough. I also don't want them to find out I'm struggling either whilst talking. The symptoms I feel are:

1. Persistent fear while a person is talking to me

2. Consequently, I can't concentrate on what they're saying when my mind is racing because I'm too busy trying to think of a decent/witty reply ahead or god knows what. Maybe I don't want to say something stupid.

3. I also feel like I'm losing my breath whilst I'm speaking a sentence.

4. I also seem out of touch with reality, like disconnected so I can't focus or be aware enough. This may sound so weird but it's the only way I can think of conveying what I feel like at the time: It's as if a ghost of me is speaking without my physical body. Or, if I was to lie on the floor, the top layer of me is doing all the work whilst my brain feels far behind me. This is what happens every time I try to speak.

Due to these factors, I often find myself agreeing or laughing because I struggle to engage in the conversation to bounce off each other's words.

It may not sound too serious but it is absolutely controlling my entire being every time and I'm so sick of it. I just want to have a good time with my friends.

I just want anyone to confirm if this is some part of social anxiety and WHAT CAN I DO to get rid of these feelings???

Thank you so much.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Well you described your symptoms very well.

My anxiety first came to a climax in 1987 yep, 33 years ago. I decided that to eliminate this terrible feeling I’d have to pull out all stops and implement short medium and long term strategies.

The process is explained in a few threads. Google them and read the first post

beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

beyondblue topic they just won’t understand- why?

beyondblue topic meditation, he has helped me for 25 years- Maharaji

Thats a little bit of reading but if you are going to lick this illness then you really have to put in the work.

Effort on a personal level is good because it doesn’t involve appointments but professional treatment including medication is also often required. Medication can slow your racing mind to be more relaxed and therefore think more before you speak. You’ll be ok, but it will take some time

Reply anytime

TonyWK

[lilyluna]

Hi Natalia.R,

I definitely understand what you mean because I have experienced something similar in the past.

I remember feeling so concerned with how my friends were perceiving me, and that they would see I was feeling anxious/unable to focus on the conversation. This feeling was really hard to push away and I could never relax or be myself when hanging out with my closest friends, so you're definitely not alone in this.

Eventually I just gave in to the feeling and accepted that they would see me as out of breath, unfocused or overwhelmed when socialising, and that they were just going to have to deal with me and be patient with me because this is who I am. As soon as I had that epiphany, I stopped being so concerned and stopped trying so hard to seem 'normal'. I started participating more in conversation because I finally accepted and stopped caring about the fact that it was hard for me to socialise and that others might see that too. I simply gave up trying to be good at conversing with others, and then things became a lot more easier when I was with my friends.

After I started trying this, I was able to make authentic effort and genuine connections with not just my friends, but other people too. I realised that everyone is different and everyone communicates differently.

Hope this helps 🙂