Does anyone else struggle with underestimating their anxiety level until it's too late?

[sean_TSO]

Over the last few weeks, I noticed that I was more irritable, and on edge, but hadn't noticed any anxiety attacks, so didn't pay much attention to it.Then over the last week, I found myself getting emotional, things in the paper and on TV would make me start to tear up, which is not like me in the slightest.

Today, I was working at my computer, and started to notice the signs of an oncoming anxiety attack. I was getting tense and breathing erratically, even holding my breath at times without realising. Noticing this, I decided that I'd take a break from work to try and calm down.Upon minimizing my work windows on the computer, I started to tear up, that then turned into sobbing, and within another minute I was crying and howling hysterically, something I can't remember doing since I was a child. This was accompanied by incredibly severe hyperventilating, again something that hadn't happened to that severity since I was a child (I'm in my 30s). This then went on for the next 30 minutes, crying so hysterically that I'm sure the neighbours could here me.

Fifteen minutes into it I took some medication, and 15 minutes later, after listening to a 'calm down' meditation, I was close to normal again.

I cannot think of any particular event or worry that would have triggered such an attack. The last time I was like that was when I had a nervous breakdown 4 years ago, and this was worse than that in severity, although not length (mind you, I didn't have medication back then). All I can think, is that I've become so accustomed to an increased level of anxiety, that I've underestimated the level of chronic day-to-day anxiety, and that over time it's compounded until I lost it today.

I'm shit scared that this might be a sign of an impending breakdown. The last time I had a breakdown, it was something of a relief, as it meant I left my stressful job and took time off work for two years (as I luckily had income protection insurance which covered medical reasons for being unable to work).

However, I no longer have that insurance in place, and no real savings. If I get to the point of being unable to work, I have no idea how my family would survive.

To make matters worse, my psychologist is away on holidays, and I don't want to tell my wife, as she's struggling massively with depression at the moment, and I don't want to add to her worries.

Has anyone else had experience with underestimating or being oblivious to their high anxiety levels?

[blondguy]

Hi Sean and Welcome to the forums!

I understand where you are coming from after wasting 13 years of my 20's and 30's not treating my anxiety with super regular therapy and ongoing meds (that I needed..AD's for the anxiety)

The physical feelings are awful yet harmless and no I dont see an impending breakdown. The therapy frequency is crucial at this stage though.

The tears sadness and feelings of grief over little things are exactly what I used to have.

They are signs of a 'tired' mind. Anxiety disorder also means that you are over sensitized and vulnerable emotionally whether at work or even watching the news.

I was super fit when I first had anxiety so I wont cover exercise and eating well.

I had weekly therapy from a mental health care worker (psychiatric nurse) for free as I was like you are now. He made me agree to weekly therapy for 6 months. He had me crying about all the crap I had built up after 3 visits.

I was working while during the therapy and he gave me my life back. Not a total fix but the bulk of the anxiety did reduce...big time.

Weekly or at the worse fortnightly therapy is the best bet for months. Its a pain but the end results are well worth it. you have everything to gain and nothing to lose Sean 🙂

Great to meet you Sean and for having the courage to post too!

my kind thoughts for you (and your wife's recovery too)

Paul

[MyProfile]

Hi Sean and welcome,

How are you feeling now? I hope the meds helped and you are feeling better.

To answer your question "Has anyone else had experience with underestimating or being oblivious to their high anxiety levels?":

Yes! I've always been what my family called highly strung and I would break down over the smallest issues. I used to be very irritable all the time and an absolute pain to live with. I knew I had constant anxiety that of course peaked in times of stress - the trigger could be something small but because I was already always so agitated I would snap pretty quickly. After nearly 17 years of knowing I have anxiety, it was only in the last year that I realised I am so irritable because I am so anxious! It has definitely helped to know that, and I manage my irritability much better now, and I look back and feel so bad for treating some people so horribly because of it in the past (I've apologised to those who matter).

Anyway, I'm sorry to also hear that your wife is unwell with depression. It must be hard for both of you.

I wonder if perhaps your fear of an impending breakdown is a signal for you to slow down and look after yourself. Maybe you will have a breakdown, but you can also try to stop it getting that bad - it isn't inevitable.

I also believe that crying can be cathartic, and maybe it's a way of releasing some steam. Obviously crying all the time isn't a good sign though. Also, crying can be your body's way of saying, "hey, something isn't right, but you haven't noticed, so take notice".

If you don't feel that you can talk to your wife and your psychologist isn't available for a while, there are other options. Chatting on the forums is one of them. You could also call Beyond Blue or Lifeline for advice on who to talk to. There are always people there for you.

I know it's probably not very reassuring, but if things got so bad that you couldn't work again, there is always Centrelink - I know it's not much, and maybe not enough, but it is still something. Also, if worse comes to worse and you have unpaid bills piling up while you are not working, you can apply to access some of your superannuation on compassionate grounds. There are definitely options. But hopefully you can get through this and these reassurances help with reducing your stress

I hope you can take the time to look after yourself, to reach out for some help. Thinking of you and wishing you well.

MP

[Stuy]

Sean, it took two years for me to realise how bad my anxiety had gotten before I had a massive three day blowup or meltdown.

from there I requested assistance from psychologist and psychiatrists.

I was fortunate enough to recognise what my triggers where very early which was a great help.

Other then what has already been said I find mindfulness a great resource to curb or even stop anxiety attacks. If your. It sure what mindfulness is it's a type of meditation but you concentrate on what is going on at that moment. It doesn't work for everyone and you do need an open mind.

To help you start there is a great app called smiling mind. It has step by step instructions and with ear phones it's quite easy to do short sessions in an office environment.

anxitey can increase very quickly so your not alone in not recognising its build up.

there are heaps of helpful people on these forums so never be afraid to ask questions.

[ellj]

Hi Sean

Absolutely! Which is why I find myself here now. I often deal with being so anxious I cant sit still, cant eat, and wake up with that tight chest feeling in the morning. However for me that has become 'normal'. Then I have a couple of days like I have had where it all gets too much and I sit here and ball my eyes out and hyperventilate and feel like my world is definitely going to fall apart -then I realise what high anxiety levels I've been dealing with all along.

I think support from a professional will help us both to manage the every day anxiety, and hopefully lessen the likeliness of the overwhelming anxiety attacks

[Muddlee]

Hi sean_TSO,

First of all, awesome that you're opening up telling others about what's going on - surprisingly that's one of my most important coping mechanisms, even if it's just a friend or on the online forums. Second of all, it sounds like you experienced some pretty intense physical symptoms, but coped with them well - medication is important for recovery and calm music, one of my favourites, helps so much during moments of increased symptoms where I start to think unrealistically and panic more. Sounds like you did okay despite the circumstances. On the issue of crying hysterically, haven't done so hysterically, but I can tell you proudly that I have cried many times including spontaneously before. Tear fullness is common symptom of anxiety and/or depression and in my opinion is a build up of emotional fatigue over time. When I get stressed out it's not uncommon for me to cry, sometimes even weep (Damm you 'Cast away'!). And on your question 'Has anyone else had experience with underestimating or being oblivious to their high anxiety levels?' - in my opinion, I overestimate them. Not taking away from the feelings experienced during panic - trust me, they can be terrifying, I know, still do experience - but the more fear we carry in ourselves and worrying about them coming makes it 2x worse. For me, under acceptance and commitment therapy with strategies such as graded exposure and understanding of my symptoms, I am still removing the fear surrounding my symptoms. Trust me, it helps 110%. My sincerest wishes that you and your wife never give up and find the light at the end of the tunnel in your journey to better mental health.

Muddlleee