Do you ever feel worthless?

[Aggy]

I have always felt that I was a good person with decent morals and values.

Even after many years of evidence showing I am useless and dysfunctional, Even my mum told me my life is a complete waste. I have always pushed on believing they were all wrong.

You know what? It's taken me this long to figure out all those people couldn't be wrong. I am worthless.

They were right and now I know I want to just keep out of everyones way. If my agoraphobia and I just stay home, I cannot be hurt in anyway any more. I won't upset anybody. I am safe here and I like it like that.

I have my first Psychiatrist appointment in two days.  I am feeling like not going. He's wasting his time on me.

I'm better off to stay here and rot. Society can do just fine without me. 

He should try and help someone worth helping, not some one like me that's worthless.

Has anyone felt like this before?

-Aggy.

[Chloekat84]

Firstly ur not worthless Aggy. Dont listen to those voices in ur head. U need to o to ur psychiatrist appointment and he/she will help you through this. I have felt like u have and i have had a bad day and felt "worthless" and "not worth anyone's time" So please dont feel alone. We are all very friendly here and willing to listen as we all have the same thin in common. We all suffer from anxiety at some level. Please keep safe and talk to u soon. Take care x

[Aggy]

Thankyou Chloekat.

I think I'm in trouble. I cant stop shaking and sobbing. I've been trembling and having these convulsion things for a week straight. I'm afraid and I don't really know why or what I'm scared of.

I wish I had some one trustworthy here now.

Just one person to pretend they cared about me for 5 minutes.

I feel like a fool for posting this and am embarrassed, but it somehow feels good to get it out. Sorry everyone.

Hope I can help some other of you guys when I get better.

-Aggy.

[Carolally]

Aggy, god made you perfect in every way.  Perfections and imperfections.  You are not worthless, you are special and a miracle.  Just breathe.  Take every moment as it is, good or bad.  Know that everything can't stay the same so this will pass.  Keep strong and know that u are not alone, daily I go thru what u do, some days are better than others. But know the world is a beautiful place with people in it that care about you! Don't give up hope. Take care and  go see your psyc, it does help  to speak to someone  face to face. Xx 

[_teeth_]

Aggy, 

its hard to hear you are feeling like this. do you have a job? a hobby? 

I have been where you are, thinking, what on earth is the matter with me? I was fine right?! and people telling you anxiety doesnt exist? screw those people. not worth it. 

I think you need to take a look at why you thought you were worth it BEFORE all of this came up, what made you smile, made you believe you were ok? I havent got a job, I am trying but am in indonesia, i dont have any friends yet, hoping to look after a dog to make me feel like I have something to care for except my partner! 

take this time to think, appreciate the time to be alone and THINK, write it all down, i hope you feel you have hope, 

Ash xx

[geoff]

dear Aggy, it's good that 2 new comers have come on board and posted a reply back to you.

Your mum hasn't started you off on a good footing by telling you that you are worthless, because this just breeds discontent and disharmony in you.

What we do is entrench in our minds that no one can help us, and that's because of what your mum has told you which isn't right, so you have to remember what your first sentence has said ' decent morals and values', so that's what you believed in, even though depression holds this belief back it's still there, so this is what the psychiatrist has to make you believe in again.

This won't happen overnight, nor will it happen in one or two visits, wish that it could but it doesn't, but in order to feel better it would be wise to see your psych. who may also want to put you on some medication.

There are so many people who care about you here, I know that we can't be there with you, but via this site we respond to you and show you the support and warmth in our replies. Geoff.

[Chloekat84]

Hello Aggy,

Not logn ago i was where u are and still have bad days i just have learnt to cope a bit better with it. I know what the constant crying and shaking is like. U need to see ur doctor asap and if not go to the emergency department if u need to. They can maybe admit u into hospital if u are that bad. That happened to me and as i had no1 to look after my daughter daughter had to stay with me. Just try and take some deep breaths slowly or u will hyperventilate. Please stay strong. You arent worthless. We care for each other on here 🙂 Take care x

[AGrace]

Hi Aggy,

Sounds like you're having a lousy day, it happens to the best of us:) I sincerely hope it takes you 5 minutes to read this, because then you know you've been cared for even if just for 5 minutes.

The others are right take some really deep breaths, if you can inhale for 6 and exhale for 8, and try and increase the length of the exhalation. It sounds silly but it will really lower your heart rate. 

You ask if anyone has ever felt like this? I wish I saved $1 for every time I felt anxious, I'd be a billionaire by now! Fear is a very natural emotion, but it doesn't mean that it's factual. What evidence do you have that proves you are useless? I'd like to give you some evidence to prove the exact opposite. 1. You have posted on this site, which shows you are human and very worthwhile. 2. You have reached out to a professional for help, so you are obviously very intelligent. 3. You'd prefer your Psychiatrist to see others instead of you, so you are compassionate and selfless. 4. You managed to incorporate a pretty cool guitar picture in your profile, so I'm guessing you have a love of music, and music is a universal language. 5. You have spent years soldiering through life believing that you are worthwhile, despite hearing the opposite, so you are extremely brave and resilient. I could go on, but I hope you get my point now.

Crying is very cathartic, for some of us our medications prevent us from being able to cry so sadness often turns into anger, while you can, keep crying. You obviously need this release. You don't need to work out why you are sad, why you are scared. Just acknowledge that you are and breathe into it.

It might be difficult to get out of the house today, so what sorts of things can you do at home to help improve your mood? Read, watch a comedy movie, browse the internet for some funny jokes, put some music on and sing and dance like no one's watching, make yourself a nice dinner to combat this horribly cold weather we are having, have a muscle relaxing bath while reading a magazine, write a letter to your anxiety telling it everything you think of it, plan what you can do after your Psych appt tomorrow, sit in your back yard with a hot cup of tea/coffee (decaf if possible), lie down on the couch and marvel at the idea that right now you don't need to be doing anything or be anywhere.

I hope you'll get back to us, and at least let us know how your appointment goes. Lots of virtual hugs...I think my 5 minutes is up.

AGrace

[Aggy]

Thankyou Amber.

Thankyou thankyou.

The time you took to make that message means a lot more than you realise.

It's the nicest thing I've heard since um, I don't remember when. I thought I'd ran out of tears but apparently not after reading your message.

I think this is the darkest time of my life right now but it's good to know that things can only get better. I'm so embarrassed about this whole thing I know it's silly but I can't help it. I'm ashamed I let this happen to me. I am so alone. I needed those hugs so thanks for those.

Glad you like my guitar profile pic. Playing guitar is keeping me going, it's all I have besides this forum and it's great people.

Thanks for being one of them. You have made my day.

-Aggy.

[AGrace]

Ok, now I've got D:ream's song stuck in my head..."Things can only get better"...thanks for this!! (if you don't know it look it up on youtube:))

Didn't mean to bring you to tears, I was trying to be honest - and cheer you up:)

You don't need to be embarrassed, you didn't ask to be like this, it just happened. What you have control over now is who you can be. You've got an opportunity to realise your dreams now and try and put as many of them into place. Glad to hear you enjoy playing the guitar. Do you write music as well? Don't ask me why (it was probably just to get on their nerves) but when my parents asked me as a child what instrument I wanted to play, I said the trumpet. Sadly I couldn't read music, despite the hours I spent trying to learn. In the end I had to memorise the songs and play by ear. I wish I could read music, because I'd love to learn to sing. Have you ever thought of taking your guitar playing to the next level and joining a band? I used to play in a community band and we'd visit people in nursing homes and play for them.

If this is the darkest time in your life then it can only get brighter from here. Don't get me wrong it will take a lot of hard work, but it can be done.

Hope today is just that little bit better for you. Keep us posted.

Amber