Discord Roleplay causing turmoil on my emotions

[Medrit]

Hello all,

I've been in a discord roleplay server for a while now and have gotten co-owner, it was fine for a bit until it started affecting my mental health. It started getting better when the server died and it was only me and another person roleplaying.

Recently a staff member came back and started to do a reset. I don't necessarily like change and this made me uncomfortable, but I endured it and pushed on. This morning I woke up and checked over the staff chat and found out that we would be resetting everything and we weren't allowed to reuse characters. I was pretty annoyed with this as I put in a lot of effort into the characters.

A few of my characters got into relationships with the person I mentioned earlier and whenever I brought up leaving the server she would lose their mind and I felt bad thinking about it. During this period I developed a sort of crush on her, another person joined and made a character then afterwards got into a relationship with this person. Since I've had a crush on this person this made me jealous.

It also made me feel not wanted because she would stop RPing with me to RP with him. After enduring that emotion eating and tearing me apart, the person left after not wanting to roleplay anymore. I was happy and starting to feel better since he left and we got back to RP. He came back when we began to reset the server.

When he came back I began to feel worse and worse as she kept on ignoring me and our RP to speak to him. I want to just leave the server but I can't help but feel jealous that her characters will get into a relationship with his. I also can't but think that the staff team is talking behind my back.

I know that if I don't leave the server then I know my mentality isn't going to get better, but it's the same if I stay. I don't know what to do or how to control these emotions let alone get rid of them or cope with them. Sorry that this was a bit long as well.

[Croix]

Dear Medrit~

Welcome here to the Forum, I'm glad you came here as it sounds like you have been having a tough time. Playing Discord is in some ways like life, but only some.

I used to play D&D (before your time I guess) and it could take over everything if you let it, and apart from anything else the mind attaches a lot more importance to the game than might be good, so I understand a bit of what you feel.

As in Real Life™ you can form attachments with people and the hurt if things goes wrong with them in the game can be the same. That's the hurt. They - and you - are however constructs, not like those around you that you can touch, feel, see or hear (except maybe a bit on a chat channel) - they are in fact made up of partly their imagination and partly yours - easy to make a dream girl, and find she does not do what you expect.

This makes the hurt worse.

So what to do? If you stay in that server I'd imagine history will repeat itself and you will end up being hurt by the same people over the same things.

It's interesting that when you were reduced to RP one on one for a while you felt happier, maybe you got to know the other person better in those circumstances and knew where you were more. Perhaps that sort of scenario suits your nature better. Once the server was reset things changed, competition came in and things went downhill.

I can only say what I'd do, I can't advise what you might do. I'd head for the place I was happiest, which was limited to one on on, or maybe just a couple more. It may not have the person in it you were talking about, but might be better anyway. Plus it does not have to be Discord.

To get rid of your hurt emotions perhaps the is an answer outside the game, after all being in that environment is full of reminders. Do you have friends in real life you can hang out with? If they are gamers that's OK, you will speak the same language, however even if they are not it is a fresh world to explore, there are some pretty nice people out there.

What do you think?

Croix

[Medrit]

Thank you for the warm welcome, I apologise for the late reply. Have been relatively been busy with life.

That is what I keep telling myself, that she in real life isn't how she portrays herself online, as that is what most people do. And I would leave the server, I really would, but I've been in that server for a while and leaving it would, in a way, make me empty. Not to mention that if I did leave I know my brain would keep thinking about her and her characters hooking up with that person's characters.

And I personally believe that doing a 1 one 1, or a small group of close friends, would be better. Hard part is finding some people/a person to participate in it. I do have a few people I can message and ask, however, and we could perhaps do it through direct messages.

I do have a few friends who I can hang out with in real life, downside is that I live outside of the city that they're in and it would take a bit of planning. I am going to a place tomorrow and Christmas is next week so I will luckily have a few things to do.

Thanks for the reply as well.

Medrit

[Croix]

Dear Medrit~

One of the things I found with D&D MUDs was new people that has not played before were quite content with limited numbers in games, maybe because they had no experience of anything else, plus less worrisome.

Playing in the same room, which sounds a bit self-defeating is surprisingly good. A lot more humor and chit chat takes place when the persons are together, makes for a much richer game -or so I've found anyway. You also get to see people in real life - no pretending except during the game.

Yes I guess if you leave that server you brain will still go around in circles about the ex, however there are a couple of advantages, first being no constant reminders, and the second is you can become absorbed in a fresh environment and think if her less as a result.

Any of this sound like an idea?

Croix

[Medrit]

That is true, a new environment could do me very well. Recently the server has just been angering me so leaving it would definitely get that down by a lot I'd imagine. Hanging out with friends and family is another way of getting it down like you said earlier so i will definitely try and do that.

One of my friends does play D&D and that could scratch the roleplay itch I sometimes feel. Thank you again for your advice and I will start to get through them.

Medrit

[Croix]

Dear Medrit~

It sounds like a plan. I think you were very perceptive to realise the server was brewing anger in you, so yes, a new environment could be the way out. - Together with real people a bit more of course.

With D&D I was always happiest when humor was part of the scene, either built into the game events, or just in verbal asides to other players. I remember on one occasion an NPC yelled out "Here comes the king, here comes the king!". It turned out to be Elvis. so unexpected and out of context it broke me up.

Sorry if you do not get the reference, however the principle remains the same

Croix

[Medrit]

I do get the reference, don't worry. I have left the server and I have been slowly getting better over the few days I've been gone. I have thought about the server a bit and sometimes have had the urge to join back. Meeting up with my family on Christmas did put my stress and anxiety levels down.

I have spoken to some friends and we are meeting up next week so I hope that that gets the stress and anxiety down more and helps me from thinking about it.

Medrit