depressed and anxious but don't feel like I can tell anyone about it

[hawk127]

I've felt like I've been on and off depressed and had social anxiety and just generalized anxiety (have been diagnosed and took antidepressants for a year) but it never really goes away. I can't really figure out what my problem is. I'm 22 and I think I felt like this since I was 15. I feel like there are so many reasons I could feel like this but whenever I try to talk to people about it I just feel guilty. Even when I spoke to a psychologist after one session they just said I was fine and didn't think I needed help after that. I feel like whenever I do want to talk about my feelings my family doesn't care and my friends or family both don't take it seriously, not even a psych. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I always feel embarrassed about my emotions and afraid I will be invalidated when I have emotions that make other people uncomfortable. I even feel scared writing this post that I will be invalidated for writing this. I think this has a lot to do with my mother who used to basically invalidate everything I used to say, but my mother passed away 2 years ago and it's hard to talk to anyone about the issues we had since she's gone. It feels wrong about every discussing bad things that happened between us when I am supposed to be feeling upset that she is gone, instead of being selfish and still being upset about arguments/fallouts we had, etc, although I am obviously also upset she is gone. It has really affected me a lot.

I also am just really bad at making friends in general, my family always teases me that I am socially inept and it feels like it is true. I never really had many friends in school and it feels like I don't have many now, except my boyfriend and one other friend I have had for a long time who I trust. The fact that I am kind of lonely has been really starting to bother me lately and I don't know what to do about it, I feel like I just don't connect to many people. I feel like if I had more of a support network I could deal with some of my issues and I would feel happier more but I just suck at that. I've tried starting new hobbies to meet people, but as I said I have difficulty connecting to people and it just doesn't really work. It feels like I have never quite fit in with a group of people properly.

[Megzt84]

Hi Hawk127,

lm really glad you have shared how you’re feeling. I find it can actually be really helpful to write things down and just get all your feelings out.

I feel like maybe you need to try to speak to another professional. Someone who will actually listen to you and validate how you’re feeling. It’s not always easy to talk to family and friends openly about these things. It sounds like you have past issues that you need to speak about and I understand it would be difficult talking about this with someone you know.

With my experience with social anxiety I find it can make it harder to form friendships with new people. I would try not to be so hard on yourself with this. It’s definetly more important to have a couple of people you can rely on rather than a large group of people. The right people will come into your life, you just might need to focus on other things first. Also don’t listen to your family. They shouldn’t be making fun of you like that.

Also just remember that you’re still young. It sounds like you’re a self aware and want to be able to make changes.

[Petal22]

Hi hawk127,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Its ok to talk about your feelings I understand that you may find it difficult to do so.

I understand that you have spoken to a psychologist but I think you should speak to a different one…..

You could see your gp and discuss how you are feeling, you could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist … maybe speaking to a psychologist about your mum may help you.

I understand that we sometimes hold onto old arguments that we have with people but sometimes it’s more beneficial for our selves to let it go …… try to forgive the person or your self and then move forward…… it is a really freeing thing to do for ourselves.

[jsm1974]

Hi Hawk127

I just want to first of all say that those people in your life who have ignored your attempts to get help probably simply do not understand, which is not really their fault. They just can't relate, so it doesn't make any sense to them. I have had similar experiences, as I'm sure a lot of people on here have, so it is important to know that you are not alone...at all...and there are many people who can, do, and will understand and who will absolutely take you seriously (such as the people on here).

I also understand your sense of embarrassment in talking about this, but the fact that you have pushed yourself to express these feelings anyway is just evidence of your strength and is most definitely nothing to feel embarrassed about. Quite the opposite, actually.

The main message I want to send out is that YOU are worth the effort, so if you don't find the help you need with one psychologist, get another. I don't know how many therapists and psychiatrists I've been through (and I'm still not 100% happy), so I know it can be an exhausting process, but when you find the right fit for you, you'll be so glad you kept trying. In the meantime, just getting your thoughts out there and being heard by people who understand can help (or at least it helps me), so don't hesitate to post on here.