Dealing with long dist relationships during covid19 travel restrictions

[worthiness]

Hi All,

This is the first time I’ve “reached out” about my anxiety in a public format - I’ve found it rather hard to deal with a lot lately, with my job and relationship situation. I feel I’ve tried everything (tea, reading, exercise, telling family and friends... crying a lot) and whilst it may temporarily calm me I have found no long term aid in helping me cope better with situations that have triggered my anxiety attacks, so thought I’d give a forum a shot! Bit of background, I travel for work full time and spend most of my time overseas alway from fam and friends at home (my main support net work) hence developing inevitable distance w friends = lovely now im home. Whilst being away I have had a boyfriend for over a year now who has worked with me. We both come from different countries so with covid 19 we left or job ans have gone to our homes in dif countries and don’t know when we will see each other again. He seems fine - it’s his nature to be as cool as a cucumber but myself not so much. I’m having obsessive thoughts of things not panning out well and get extremely worked up when we have a disagreement and can’t “settle it before bed” like we would when we are together. He doesn’t get anxiety like me so he doesn’t understand that when something isn’t good with us I need to sort it right away before I over think it and have a huge panic attach. He tells me to “calm down” “stop being crazy"“I hope you didn’t overthink it” and I hate that because I don't chose to be this way by choice. If i could change i would. I feel I’m walking on egg shells when we speak. I’m always trying to keep things positive so we don’t argue but it’s inevitable sometimes. Just wanted to ask if anyone is going through the same thing? And if people in this situation could provide me with helpful tips on how to keep myself in check without relying on another person to fulfil my sense of worthiness

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Worthiness,

I really feel for you. Things sound very rough for you. I feel it would be so difficult being so far away from your boyfriend.

The distance must be so hard...I feel it’s understandable that you need reassurance from him and understandably feel stressed when issues aren’t resolved as quickly as they were in the past...

I can imagine your feelings of hurt when he brushes off your feelings & anxiety with some of his comments. Also, I think it must be be draining for you to constantly have to watch what you say when you’re around him...

I wonder if you have tried to explain your anxiety to him, & how his words hurt?

I know that’s not an easy conversation & it might take many chats before he starts to come around. But I just feel if a person is constantly walking on eggshells in a relationship, it suggests that something needs to be addressed/discussed or else issues just fester. Those are my thoughts at least, based on my own personal experiences...

I know this is a very difficult time for you...thinking of you...

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[White_Rose]

Dear Worthiness and wave to Pepper

Welcome to the forum. Good to see you here.

I think so many of us are impacted by having to stay indoors and not meet up with friends and family. We can most certainly understand the feelings of isolation. I have to stay home because I fit into the older person category and have an underlying medical condition. At first it felt a bit strange to be home all day everyday especially on my own. Then I started to relax and get going on the many 'gonna do" projects I have. That was fine until an event that knocked the socks off me. At which point I became panicky, anxious, restless, in fact most of the symptoms you have experienced. I had to get to work on regaining my previous attitudes. Not easy, but then it never is.

I can definitely relate to the 'cheer up' comments. It's not helpful and either makes me irritable/angry or I start believing I am silly. Neither is correct. I do worry but it's reasonable to do so in the circumstances. All I want is someone to listen to me without being judgemental. I know others do not understand how I feel but when I am being told 'Things aren't that bad' I get even more upset.

Trying to explain this to your bf can be difficult as you have no common frame of reference. If you go to The Facts at the top of the page and scroll down you can access beyondblue's information /fact sheets. You can download these but you have to send for the booklets. Please browse this information as it may help you explain to the bf. There is a booklet specifically for family and friends. Please send for this and ask for two copies as it may help you to know what information is included. Ask your bf to read it and then have a chat. You may find it gets easier.

I hope this helps.

Mary