Dealing with difficult people

[gloria10]

Hi all,

I normally work well with most people and as I work through my anxiety I am getting stronger, however there are some people that rattle me and I am stumped with dealing with them.

One person at work, who I sometimes have to work closely with, has been causing me stress. They are bitter, high strung, think the world revolves around them and is very negative. I have tried to see where they are coming from and empathise however I think I moreso feel that I am responsible for their mood as they keep taking their problems out on me.

I want to now keep distance as I feel that is my best option, but it also feels like running. Any advice would be appreciated as I feel a bit stuck with this one.

Thank you!

[V17]

Hey Gloria,

I resonated to your post.

Without going too much into detail, I've been diagnosed with having anxiety and can relate to how you are feeling at the moment. I think it's great that are reaching out for help and suggestions! The wonderful thing about explaining how you are feeling, either in here or in person, is that to allow others to understand, you too are thinking about it how you are feeling! Clarity is so good!

What has been really helpful with me, is using strategies that enable me to feel comfortable when I go out into the world. I think by keeping your distance is a great strategy and certainly not a 'running away' excuse. All too often I have placed too much emphasis on how other people are feeling - people pleasing - and not addressing that how it affects me. Another approach I have used that is proven to be incredibly helpful is by enabling 'healthy boundaries'. For instance, a few family members have invited themselves to stay at my home without asking; I now have a healthy boundary in place where I have told them to call me first. I have learned that I didn't have to justify my reasons behind it and it has been so good! It is working. I understand that it can be difficult to speak up about this kind of thing yet, you are very important Gloria and no-one has the right to impede their project their problems onto you. Through the help of my GP and psychologist, they have shown me that I can only be responsible for my feelings and moods and the same applies to everyone else. I found that really encouraging because I would blame myself. Step by step I feel as though I am making progress, it was taking the first step that I struggled with but now having made it [first step], I am finding it much much easier.

Kind regards to you Gloria,
V.

[blondguy]

Hello Gloria

You are strong (and intelligent) person who is pro-active with their health and good on you!

Your first instinct was spot on.....by keeping your distance. You are not running by any means, you are caring for yourself first which is a priority where reducing the anxiety feelings are concerned.

You mentioned "They are bitter, high strung, think the world revolves around them and is very negative"

I have had acute anxiety and avoiding overly critical/negative people is one of the ways out of the spider web of anxiety. (being kind to yourself)

(I hope you dont mind that I quoted you above Gloria)

Great to have you as part of the BB family too 🙂

we are here for you

Paulx

[gloria10]

Hi V17 and thank you very much for your advice.

I like what you said about 'healthy boundaries' and I think thats what I need to apply. Perhaps its a matter of 'hello/goodbye' and keeping time spent with her a minimum. I'm glad the boundaries have been helpful with your situation at home.

I think there are a few reminders where I am of a not-so-nice office environment I have worked in in the past and I think this person set off the flashbacks. You're right, I have been thinking about it more and getting some clarity. While the anxiety is still a bit high, I think its manageable enough.

Thanks V17

[V17]

You are very welcome Gloria - Like Paul has said - we are here for you.

Yeah, sometimes the past has a habit of coming back to haunt us, especially flashbacks. It is really good that you can identify that; that is half the battle won. You are doing really well, even though you are experiencing anxiety, you are moving forward (sometimes, not so easy to do) and that is to be encouraged so well done! If you don't know already, there are a few links on anxiety below (scroll down bottom of screen) you may find them really helpful, too.

Please feel free to get back to us and let us know how you are going, if I'm unavailable, Paul or another kind soul will respond to you - that's how we roll in here.

V.

[gloria10]

Thank you blondguy for the advice, it helped me to relax a bit and I felt okay going in today.

While this person does bother me, I've realised that my anxiety is also playing up due to other triggers. I think there have just been so many things going on that I didn't notice. Some rest tonight is on order!

I'm sorry to hear you have acute anxiety, it must be tough, but being kind to yourself is a great thing to do!

[JessF]

Hello Gloria, I just wanted to address one part of your first post where you said you were feeling that you were somehow at fault for this person being moody. I wonder whether in fact it might be that you get dumped on because you are seen as someone who will listen! When people are this negative all the time, others usually avoid them like the plague. You may just be the last persons tanding.

[gloria10]

Hi JessF,

Very interesting points. Thank you for your insight. I hadn't looked at it that way, but it makes sense. I was 'lending an ear' and trying to be empathetic, yet I've noticed other people backed off quiet a bit. Food for thought 🙂