Hey Wendy and welcome;
I have a son who I used to worry about too, but not to the extent you're talking about. I know it must be a relief to have written those words, so well done on having the courage to post.
I'm concerned for your well being. Your distress and worry comes across loud and clear in your writing.
Anxiety's no walk in the park as most of us know here on this forum, so to go thru it alone is sort of silly. Please find the courage to tell someone you trust.
At the very least, I urge you to talk with your GP. If he/she plays it down saying it's normal for mums to worry, let them know how serious it actually is and scares you to think about it.
Asking for help isn't a crime and will get things out in the open and off your to-do list. Less pressure on your mind, heart, neck and shoulders...
If you continue to ignore the cause and pretend anxiety symptoms exist around your family etc, it can damage your central nervous system, adrenal gland and your heart just to name a few.
You're really fortunate to know what your trigger is; that's a blessing for therapy. Tools to cope like Mindfulness and useful distractions can make life easier while you sort thru things with your psych; it's a step by step process..
You rationally understand these thoughts aren't real don't you? If you struggle to believe so during an episode, write your main fear in the middle of a large piece of paper and then write 'why' around it in a few segments. No judgement!! Go away for five minutes while you clean, walk outside or do something physical.
Come back to the paper and write down beside what you wrote before, another way of looking at each segment. Take long, comfortable, deep breaths while being mindful of reality, what's rational and probable. If you begin thinking of catastrophic outcomes, walk away and start again in a few minutes.
I think you'll be surprised at how beneficial this is. Hopefully it'll side-track your emotions long enough to give you relief, and head off any further symptoms of panic.
I'm here most days Wendy to support you when you're ready to respond. Take your time if you need to.
Kind thoughts;
Sez
