Coping (or not) with Anxiety

[Danibug]

I am posting this partially as a distraction for myself and to organise my thoughts when the panic makes them scramble ... it's a sort of sharing of my story and a shout out for strategies.

Tonight I wrestle with my anxiety and panic, with the added weight of having to muster as much strength as I can because my 7 year old boy is home and doesn't need to see my struggle.  But then once I am alone, it's an explosion, there's only so long I can hold it in, it's just so overwhelming sometimes.

I hate this feeling so much ... I'll be up, achieving, feeling invincible ... then the slightest thing will boot me down to desperate and scary depths.

No,

I've never contemplated suicide.  But i harm myself because the panic and emotions I go through become so overwhelming I want them to stop. I don't want to feel these emotions, I want calm and peace.  My outbursts are scary, I know in my head I shouldn't do what I do, but the overwhelming urge is hard to fight.  And I know, as my doctor pointed out, that if I lost too much control, I could end up seriously hurt.  And yet even that thought doesn't help.

 I've been pretty on top of it for a while, since my last 'explosion' resulted in an ambulance ride and a hospital stay.  Thank goodness for the friends I love so dearly, who show that they love me back.  I've had medications adjusted, see a psychologist and psychiatrist ... and things, until tonight, have felt so settled.

How do others cope with their overwhelming emotions?  I'm at the point of accepting all kinds of ideas.  I carry healing crystals, I craft, I keep busy ...

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[white knight]

Hi Danibug, welcome here to Beyond Blue forums

Yes, I've had anxiety and it peaked in 1987 when a crisis finally saw me receive medical asistance. What followed was 12 years of medication along with various exercises. Then the medication could be ceased. The next 13 years I kept up the exercises and now I'm anxiety free.  

So its a long drawn out program, and worth it in the long run. But I also battle bipolar 2, dysthymia and depression. And with those correct diagnosis, medication and dosage has transformed my life for the positive. It is all managed reasonably well and that's good.

I wonder if you have thought of a second opinion? No offense to your current medical team but I'm talkign from my experience in 2003, being misdiagnosed with bipolar 1 and ADHD and taking meds for those illnesses for the following 6 years- not good.  By chance I got a good psych and that one and only appointment for 90 minutes changed my life. So please consider this.  For example (and I'm not qualified) mania can be mistaken for some symptoms of ADHD or anxiety etc. Often symptoms overlap as illnesses do. What if you were suffering some form of PTSD? Again, I'm not qualified but what doyou have to lose?

Do you do exercises?  Mine consisted of deep breathing and progressive muscle tensioning which slows the heart rate as you extend blood more throughout the body. you'll sleep well after it if done correctly. Google it if you are interested.

Finally -  very good you divert yourself with crafts. Maybe set yourself more projects so you feel excited once the little one is in bed?  

Anxiety like most illnesses relating to the mind demands good management. Management should be the aim not cure. Thoughts of cure will elevate your own expectations that when failing, can lead to depression etc.

good luck Danibug.

[AGrace]

Hi Danibug,

Welcome to the forums, and I'm glad that you've found coming here and posting both a distraction and a means to find some alternate strategies.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and one of the traits is an inability to regulate intense emotions, the other is to use self destructive coping strategies, neither of which are pleasant - in the moment or long term. But they do help my to understand and empathise with what you're going through.

It must be twice as difficult as you feel you have to hide these emotions from your son. All emotions are healthy, but when we feel them intensely and frequently, we can get quite overwhelmed. Do you think it's the intense emotions that leads you to self harm? What sorts of strategies have your Psychologist/Psychiatrist recommended so far? Can you pinpoint a trigger for your emotional state? Have you received any form of diagnosis from your Psychiatrist? If so, what?

It's because of my BPD that I wrote the following threads, you might want to take a look:

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION under the depression section of the forums

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY under the anxiety section

TIPS FOR SURFING URGES under the recovery and staying well section

If you find distraction helpful, there's also a thread called finding joy when times are dark. You can find this by entering the heading into the search function, top right of the screen.

I hope this is helpful. I look forward to hearing back from you.

AGrace

[Danibug]

Hi guys, thanks for your replies!  I am feeling more calm this morning, though very anxious.  And, of course, I have my mother sending me messages saying.  "Life is getting on top of you?  Well don't let it!" - yeah.

Aaanyway, in response to WhiteKnight - I was pre-diagnosed with bipolar 2 by two separate psychologists, but the psychiatrist said he was "not convinced" ... so just plain old anxiety, panic and depression with bouts of hypomania for me.  I recently separated from my husband, which triggered original extremes.  I don't really feel like the psychiatrist took the time to listen to me, but I suppose it's not his job.  He wanted concise answers and that's something I can't manage right now ... it's a struggle to get my thoughts in order.

I have started a new diet (though I don't call it a diet, I'm just eating healthier) and I walk for exercise, and drink lots of water.  My psychologist firmly believes that healthy body = healthy mind and hydration is incredibly important.

I'm going to organise an appointment with my psychologist again.  My panic is now manifesting in nightmares and waking up to panic attacks.  These have dragged my mood down so that when I have the slightest thing go wrong, I end up in that manic emotional state.

In response to AGrace, its the overhwhelming emotions reaching a point where I can't cope with it and just want a way to not have to deal with them that triggers the self harm  That's the best I can explain since I can't specify on here what the harm is....

Thank you so much for your caring responses!

[white knight]

Hi Danibug,

So glad you feel better today.  By all means repost here or start a new thread if you feel we can help. Even if you feel like venting.  

Have a good day.

Tony