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[hiddenite]

Hi

I have been recently diagnosed with Acute Anxiety, Social Anxiety, and Depression. I am so lost, I feel like a bunch of symptoms , I don't know who I am anymore. 

I isolate myself I'm so scared of what is happening to me. Confused and overwhelmed.

Hopeless that I'm just a bunch of labels and that know one understands.

People are so cruel, they judge me, tell me to get over it. Toughen up. I had one person tell me not to think about it. I am ashamed of what  is happened to me, that I'm not strong enough to fight these symptoms.

I am unable to go out the panic attacks are getting so bad. I feel so alone. 

[Zeal]

Hi Hiddenite,

Welcome to the Beyondblue forum!

Having three mental illness diagnoses is tough, but doesn't mean your health can be "put in a box". The medical labels exist to allow doctors to treat people more effectively. Now that your doctor knows you suffer from these three conditions, he/she can do research on these illnesses, try techniques that have worked for other patients with these issues, and maybe refer you to other medical professionals who specialise in these conditions. Just remember that you were unique before you were diagnosed with these illnesses, and that your confused sense of identity is a result of these conditions, and not you as a person. Once the treatment you were receiving (hopefully) for your anxiety and depression starts working, you will gradually feel more and more like your true self again.

You don't need to feel ashamed of what is happening to you. This is hard sometimes. Remember that millions of Australians have some form of mental illness in their lifetime, and that mental illness is often unavoidable. Your mental illness could be partly genetic, for example, and this cannot be controlled by you whatsoever. Mental illness is not a sign of weakness.

When you say that people are cruel, do you mean your friends, or people you don't know well? Try not to complain to others about your issues. I am not judging you - I have lived with mental illness and appreciate how challenging it can be. Sometimes people with anxiety and depression feel so consumed by their illness that they end up talking too much about it, about themselves, and about negative things. Putting yourself down in front of others is very unhelpful both socially and personally. You can confide in close friends and family, but avoid telling people you don't know well. I'm sorry if this is something you already know well!

It's important for you to not feel as if you are alone right now. If you have your family close by, keep in contact with them and explain your situation. Be there for them too, if possible. Even just telling one person about your situation could be a great comfort to you.

Make sure you keep seeing your doctor and/or psychologist. If you need to, you can call the beyondblue helpline for advice. Don't give up on yourself - you can get through this with the right support 🙂

SM

[Beltane]

Hiya!

I used to feel this way. Infact I was so scared of getting told i had a mental illness, i avoided going to the doctor for years- even though i knew deep down i had those illnesses. Also i believed as you do that "i must be weak" to have an illness, and to "be strong" i had to get over it myself. i thought seeing a doctor or getting medication/ therapy would only make me even more "weak"..

I wish i could go back in time and tell that Old Me how wrong she was, because now that i have gotten treatment and a good medication, i lead a normal life and all my dreams are now reality.

Mental illness is as real as any physical illness. Would you tell someone with cancer that they were "weak" for having cancer"? Would you tell them that to be "strong" they had to just tell their cancer to go away, and to "think positive".
No, and no one else would either, because everyone knows cancer is real and needs actual treatment.
Unfortunately because people cant see depression or anxiety, sometimes they think we're just being dramatic or attention seeking. After all, everyone can get a little anxious or sad sometimes- so they think that's how we feel, just a little anxious or sad. They don't realise there is a difference between "sad" and "clinical depression", or "shy" and "social anxiety".

I really liked what SM said- its very important to remember. You are YOU, you will always be you. You have dreams, hopes, goals, strengths, weakness, hobbies, friends, beliefs, likes, dislikes, skills, annoying habits.
Right now i bet you feel like depression/ anxiety has taken over your whole life. When it was really bad for me, i couldnt really remember who i really was. The real me might have liked certain hobbies, but the anxiety stopped me from doing those hobbies. The real me wanted to work, but the depression stopped me. So i lost sight of the real me and that was very distressing.

But this is only for NOW. You wont feel this way for ever. Depression and anxiety can respond to treatment very quickly. Within a few weeks of going onto my first medication, i was feeling much much better, and within a year i was "in remission" (means the symptoms were gone).

I'm on an even better treatment now, and I have certainly found the Real Me again. AND now that the anxiety/ depression has gone, i can achieve all those things the Real Me wants to do. The Real Me is even strong and wiser now because she has gone through such a battle.

The Real You will come back again, when you get better 🙂

[hiddenite]

Hi

Thanks for the response I just don't feelt that I can be fixed. Saw a psychologist last year just made everything worse, she stopped seeing me. When my safety became an issue. 

I am medicated anti depressant, and three different benzodiazepines. Still getting worse...

Don't have to worry about me telling anyone because I have no friends, and my parents are embarrassed by me.

There is no real me I am pathetic and worthless, lost, confused, and unable to help myself or want to. I don't belong anywhere.

Idon't enjoy anything no dreams, goals, hopeless, don't see a way out just darkness, isolation.

I hurt and in so much pain....

I battle everyday but I am so exhausted

[Beltane]

I'd really like you to give beyondblue a call. You sound quite distressed and I think you'd get some relief from talking to a professional.

There are still many many treatment options left for your illnesses. You probably feel like you've tried a fair few- but in reality there are a LOT of treatment options.

For now: If you feel your health and safety is at risk or that you might self-harm, I'd like you to call 000 immediately or get someone to drive you to emergency. There are emergency psych teams there who can help you- i know because I've taken myself there before when i was feeling unsafe. They were very kind and friendly, and helped me a lot.

Just so you know, I had terrible terrible anxiety- i lived 24/7 in a state of severe panic, anxiety and depression for years on end. I always cried, and always felt ill with stress. I went through several therapists and about 6 antidepressants and 3 benzodiazepines. I had to take benzos probably 2-3 times a week just to get through the day without having a "panic meltdown". After the 5th antidepressant hadnt worked- let me tell you, the despair and sadness I felt was very severe. I throught there must be no hope for me.

I went and found a new GP for a second opinion, and she sent me to a psychiatrist for a medication review (it was funded by medicare). The psych spent 2 hours with me and prescribed me a type of medication called an antipsychotic, at a low-dose. After so much failure with meds, I was really negative about it and was sure it wouldn't work either.

Boy was I wrong. Ever since I started that tablet i havent had any problems with anxiety, depression, panic or mood swings. My life is totally normal now. I just feel like what i imagine a normal person does. I still have all the normal emotions and my normal personality- it hasnt stopped me from being me. But all the extreme severe stuff is gone- all that terrible anxiety and depression- GONE.

So there is hope ok. Antidepressants are only one of the possible medical treatments. You should ask your GP for a psychiatrist to review you as they are the specialists when it comes to medications and they can try you on something different.

As for therapy- there are lots of therapists out there and I'm better you'll find one who you get along with really well and who you trust and who helps you. I didnt like my first 3 therapists, but I love the one i have now- shes helped me heaps.

There is a treatment for you 🙂

[hiddenite]

Hi Beltane

Thanks for the advice I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow. Just another day