Breast Cancer Survivor now feeling anxious!

[Mermaid_64]

I am a positive, healthy, fun loving 50 year old woman. I am 8 years post my breast cancer "journey"..having had full mastectomy, oophorectomy (removal of my ovaries)...chemo and radio..the bic mac of treatments they say! I also had a full diep flap reconstruction, which gives me a new right breast..all very good and positive. I also exercise around 4 times per week. 
I sailed through my treatment, choosing to take it a day at a time. Meditated for 18months, went back to painting and sculpting..and generally living the life i wanted. All seemingly going well. 
This year, i have since separated from my husband of 30 years..again..seemingly amicable..said goodbye to our family home and now reside with one of my adult daughters and her partner. 

I have since met the love of my life..who lives overseas. We have decided to make a go of living in 2 cities. I am extremely happy and grateful for this time in my life. 

I should ad, i am the support person for my closest friend..who's husband is dying of Mesothelioma, an insidious and cruel disease.

So why now...? Do I start to have what i feel are symptoms of anxiety? I have not suffered from mental illness in the past, but have always been aware and conscious of changes in my thoughts. I would be described as an extreme optimist.

My symptoms are: tightness in my chest, at times shortness of breath, a sore back, i am teary, tired and have trouble getting a restful nights sleep. The worst part, is the overwhelming feeling cancer is going to come back. I wake in hot and cold sweats sometimes..Every ache and pain, i panic. This has not happened in the previous years...it seems to be getting worse the longer i survive! Watching friends and public figures die from Cancer, does play on my mind also. .Makes me think "why am i still here, happy and healthy"..I don't believe in "i deserve happiness", because everyone does! .I have not been to a support group for cancer survivors, as they tend to be a bit dark and i tend to feel too much..I have not been diagnosed with Anxiety either, this is the first step i have taken to learn more and find out if anyone else feels or felt this way..and how did they overcome these feelings.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. 🙂 

Mermaid 64.  

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[White_Rose]

Dear Mermaid

Hello and a warm welcome to Beyond Blue. Congratulations on managing your treatment and your fantastic recovery. I discovered I had breast cancer at the begining of the year. I had surgery followed by radiotherapy and now taking medication. My condition was nothing like as serious or extensive as yours.

This is my second round of breast cancer. The first was 14 years ago and was even less serious than the second. However there is often the thought it may return. I know it sounds simplistic, but now that the surgery etc has been completed I am able to put it from my mind. I'm not entirely sure how I can do this. At the time I was quite anxious and went through all the grief processes; anger, grief, denial, bargaining etc. In particular I was very angry because so many other horrible things were happening at the same time in my life.

What I discovered was that I was loved and cared for. A group of my friends drove me to all my appointments with doctors, surgeon, oncologists, nurses, radiation treatments. In all I think I had 30-40 hospital visits, including admission and discharge, and I was chauffeured to each one. For me that was an amazing demonstration of love and care. I felt I was wrapped in a cocoon of safety. I think this also gave me permission to be angry, although not at any of these fantastic people.

Now I realise this is my experience and not yours. And I am certainly not suggesting you will have a return of the cancer. I want to make the point that we all have a different reaction. And no, I did not attend any cancer survivor support groups because I had my own support system.

Have you consulted a doctor about your symptoms? You sound anxious which, given your current circumstances, is reasonable. However it's not a good place to be so I will urge you to see your doctor. It may be that you are a little depressed. I realise you have had extensive surgery but could this be menopause? In any event a visit to the doctor can rule this in or out.

As you say, everyone deserves happiness. Unfortunately this does not keep us safe from illnesses such as cancer. Whatever the source of your distress I believe you will be better off finding out. It may be easily fixable which will be great. And if not, then knowing and doing something about it is a positive step instead worrying.

Hope this helps

Mary

[Mermaid_64]

Hi Mary,

Thank you so much for replying. I also had the love and support of my friends and family. I was actually overwhelmed with it all. 9 months of friends cooking for us, was so very heart felt. 
I have since booked in for a remedial massage..and i will take you advice and go to my GP. I do avoid them, as i prefer alternative therapies. 
I had a similar way of dealing with my cancer as you. I really did not think about it. It did not define me nor do i have a victim mentality. 

Its just now that this has started happening. Which is why i am so baffled. But, i also realise i have just gone through major changes and this can manifest in different ways. 

Thank you again Mary, i am so pleased you are well and healthy and able to share your advice and support to everyone. 

Kerry

[White_Rose]

Dear Kerry

How are you going? I hope you are feeling less stressed and more balanced. I noticed you talked about meditating during your treatment but stopped after 18 months. Was there a particular reason for this? I have meditated for many years, although I find I stop on occasions for no particular reason. What I have found is how much I miss the practice. For me it is the single most inner strengthening activity I do.

I also have other hobbies and I keep saying I am going back to painting but so far have not done so. My hobbies are reading, scrapbooking, embroidery, knitting and sewing. All very home based. These ground me and give me an alternate subject to think about when I get upset with my depression. I also find replying to posts on BB therapeutic as so many people have similar difficulties to me. Swapping ideas, supporting each, pointing to resources and celebrating the good things with others helps me enormously.

How was your massage? I have had a couple of massages and found them so delightful. Just to feel so many muscles relax and some of the tension drain away is fantastic.

I agree with you about going to doctors. It's not my favourite occupation although I have not experienced any alternative therapies except acupuncture. I also go to a physiotherapist who uses needling as part of his treatment. It's not the same as acupuncture.

If you are happy to tell me I would like to know how you went with your GP. But this is personal stuff so only what you feel comfortable with.

Look forward to hearing from you again.

Regards

Mary