At a loss with what to do.

[Lisabubbles]

Lets see if I can keep this short.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was around 23 (now 34). I was on medication for 9ish years and have been off it for 3.5ish years.

Since being with my current partner I am having anxiety attacks which are triggered by numerous things which all seem to centre around trust, fear and possible hurt. I really struggle when he has days off work and and my texting and freaking out puts a lot of strain on our relationship. Whilst I don't want to pass blame, some of my fears have been bought on by his behaviour and whilst i try to let go of it, i'm so fearful of these things happening again.

Since early on in our relationship I have vomited most mornings. I never use to know why, however have now put it down to the anxious feeling and stress I feel when I wake up. I'm scared that my day is going to end in conflict and there is nothing I hate more than conflict.

I know I need to go back to my Dr's and Im sure i'll end up with a psych referral but in the mean time I would love some tips on how to cope when I have no idea what he is doing on a day off. It seems so silly and paranoid...but I feel like I am conditioned to react with anxiety and I hate it. If I don't watch out I am going to let anxiety ruin my relationship.

Please help.

[JessF]

Hello Lisabubbles, I think first things first... you say you have been vomiting most mornings since early on in your relationship? How long has this been going on? This is not normal and is very bad for your body. Regardless of what's causing it, you need to get to see your doctor asap. 

[Doolhof]

Hi Lisabubbles,

I'm wondering what you think your boyfriend is doing on his day's off? Does he tell you what he is doing?

Are you concerned he is with another lady or that he is having fun with mates with out you being there?

Has he given you any reason to think he is being unfaithful? Have you had a previous relationship where the guy was unfaithful to you?

Where does this fear stem from?

It seems pretty full on to be vomiting all of the time. Some help in dealing with stress and anxiety would be of benefit.

Can you Google Stress/Anxiety and reasons for these conditions and see if anything fits for you.

Can you have a calm discussion with your boyfriend about your doubts, fears and trust issues?

Like Jess F wrote, vomiting most mornings isn't at all good for you.

Would your boyfriend attend counselling with you? Do you think that would help?

I hope some of these questions help you decide on some different avenues of looking at your situation.

Hope you manage to find solutions. From Mrs. Dools

[Lisabubbles]

Hi,

sorry I just wanted to keep it short the other day.

My anxiety stems from a a lot of distrust ever since I was a kid. I guess the normal story. Abuse, my dad leaving, being cheated on by my first serious boyfriend, being abused and assaulted by another boyfriend and a whole lot of lies from people I could trust. I thought I was doing really well with no meds up until this relationship and now it's just getting worse.

One of the hardest things is that my partner blames himself for this and I suppose he does this cos he knows I was fine In my last relationship. He hasn't taken the time to understand and research what anxiety is and so it frustrates him.

 My partner would attend counselling with me but right now I feel he needs to focus on his mental health issues also as he has a problem with dealing with anger effectively. I think all I want from him is to know he is there, to hold me and reassure me when I'm down or anxious, but instead he puts up a wall cos it scares him and upsets him cos in his mind he's causing it.

i feel like I'm putting off going to the Dr. I spent wo long being good and feeling happy and healthy that I'm almost embarrassed that I am relapsing. I want to believe that "i'Ve got this" and that I'll ride this wave and come out ok again.

as for the vomiting it is normally more a dry heave. I wake up feeling a bit knotted in my stomach and slightly anxious..scared of what I might have to deal with that day. So any time between when I wake and when I leave for work I get this feeling that I just need to be sick. Maybe almost a need to just clear out the knotted feeling in my tummy and when I heave I feel better. It has to be psychological... It can't be anything else.

Anyway the last 3 days not only have I had to deal with anxiety but I notice depression creeping back in.

There is not a single part of me that wants to feel this way. I just want to be the happy Lisabubbles that everyone knows and loves 😞

[Doolhof]

Hi Lisabubbles,

Great to hear from you again. You wrote that your boyfriend would attend counselling with you. It might be a good idea to try it. You could both understand each other better, know what makes the other person tick and also comprehend what you can do for each other to make your relationship even better.

Please don't ever feel embarrassed about relapsing into anxiety or depression again. I think it is rare for a person to have anxiety and depression only once. I may be wrong, but that is how it seems to me. Just think of this as a bend in the road, you have to get around it before your life can improve again.

Previously you managed okay for quite a while, so there is no reason to believe that can not happen again. Right now you just need a little assistance to get going again.

I suggest you see your Dr. ask for some counselling, hopefully with your partner, and then you can find ways for both of you to be happier and have a healthier relationship.

Wishing you well with this, cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Lisabubbles]

So I went back to my Dr and he prescribed me medication... Ughhh day one of that.... I was to tired and zoned out to be anxious or stressed. It felt horrible. Like my anxiety was suppressed... Then when I got back in to what I would have thought was a safe non anxious situation it all became worse. It was like I had spent all day with my anxiety in check, but as soon as I got home I was an emotional wreck. Does anyone know if it will get better ?

[Doolhof]

Hi Lisabubbles,

Maybe the medication takes a while to kick in.

Recently I realised that I was becoming rather stressed out every time I returned home and my husband was home!

It made me realise I had to change my way of thinking and my attitude to how I react to other people's influence on my thoughts and emotions.

When I come home now, I call out to my husband and tell him I will be with him in a moment and just chill out for a couple of minutes.

I let him know what my plans are for the next hour or so and ask him what he is up to.

I have been doing some reading about how to cope with stress and what triggers it. That has been very helpful for me.

Previously I hadn't realised just how much I reacted some times to returning home. One of the things for me was a sense of not being in control.

So my suggestion is, that if you frequently turn into an emotional wreck when you go home, try to work out why. What thoughts are hassling you? How can you change things so it is a lot better returning home?

Wishing you well with this new journey you are on. From Mrs. Dools

[geoff]

dear Lisabubble, I have a concern here when you say ' he needs to focus on his mental health', so is his attitude or behaviour more overpowering than you really want it to be. L Geoff. x

[Lisabubbles]

He has some anger issues which he has recently started seeing a psychologist for. I guess there are parts of my personality (that generally relate to my anxiety) that clash with his personality and in turn can make him angry. He is an overpowering person. I don't like conflict and I don't get aggressively angry. The anger thing scares me but he is getting help.

[dougall]

Hi it sounds like you are not in a safe relationship.