Apocalyptic Anxiety (trigger warning: space)

[qarasuv]

Hi, I'm new here.

I am terrified of asteroids, comets, and anything else space can throw at us. Currently I have been in a slow-burn freakout for weeks, checking the news every hour, feeling like I'm about to die. I've had lifelong OCD but it's only in the past month that my obsessions have become this intense and this apocalyptic, and I am really struggling and don't know what to do.

I'm in a rural area so my options are very limited. I've seen a GP who agrees I need to see a psychologist pretty urgently, but she said there is absolutely no chance of getting in to see anybody - urgently or not - for at least 6-8 weeks. These invasive thoughts are constant, unrelenting, and extremely vivid; nothing can distract me from them, and I am in lockdown, so no option of taking a day trip or seeing friends to take my mind off it.

I've been trying and trying and trying to find information online about what to do, but nothing seems applicable to my particular situation. Information on panic attacks all seems to assume that the main cause of distress is the panic attack symptoms; I don't care about my racing heart or shortness of breath, I care about what I'm scared is about to happen. Anxiety information is tailored to stuff like "what if my house gets broken into?" or "what if I say something embarrassing in public?", not obsessions on this terrifying level. Stuff online about dealing with intrusive thoughts gives me conflicting opinions - do I challenge the thought, or try to ignore it? Is it best to push it away, or it that repression that will make it come back stronger? Do I try to distract myself with mental exercises, or is that a compulsion? Breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation used to work, but they don't anymore. I exercise daily and eat well and don't drink.

Any help or support would be much appreciated. I don't think I can take 6-8 weeks more of this with no help whatsoever.

[qarasuv]

I'm okay. Thank you both again, so much, I don't know what I'd be like if I didn't have this forum to liveblog my nervous breakdowns on! I thought something was really wrong because I'd been panicking for hours, but apparently the attacks can happen in waves and roll into each other... I ran around the room a bit, doodled some intense patterns, and then did sketches of household objects, which worked a little. At least my heart is no longer going berserk. It's comforting to know that other people have this incredible crushing feeling of doom during attacks - that is by far the worst part.

I almost called the BB helpline, but chickened out toward the end of the automated message. Don't worry, I keep them always in the back of my mind.

[Petal22]

I’m glad you are ok qarasuv.... you arn’t alone.... we can’t help what our bodies do some times.... I’m glad you have settled down a bit...

I know the feeling of intense anxiety is very debilitating you are doing well..

Please don’t be afraid to call Beyond Blue at any time the councillors are trained and would love to help you I’m sure 😊

I’m always here for a chat... keep in touch.... do some relaxing meditation 😊

[qarasuv]

You are all so lovely. I've had a better day today - have managed to avoid checking the news, although the urge has been constantly there in the back of my mind. I worry that I'm replacing one compulsion with another by feeling the need to post updates in this thread, but am not sure if that's how it works or not.

Just then I went out to do some more "exposure therapy" under the stars. I was out there for ten minutes and saw a meteorite! My luck is amazing. It rattled me, but didn't send me over the edge into total panic, so I guess that might be progress.

[tranzcrybe]

Winning, qarasuv!

t.

[Petal22]

Well done qarasuv you are doing really well 😊 I wouldn’t see you posting these threads as a compulsion you are aloud support and friends.... 😊 gosh we all need that in life 😊 your not asking us for re assurance just support...that’s awesome with your exposure therapy... so glad you are having a better day today 😊 be proud of how far you have come 😊

im here for a chat 😊

[qarasuv]

two whole days without checking the news! i thought i was doing ok, but then just had a panic attack when the sun went down. apparently the sun setting is a trigger for a lot of people with anxiety - mine just happens to feed into my obsessions more than most. i've calmed down a bit now, it just kind of ruined my evening because i never had panic attacks until this nonsense started a month ago. the sense of dread and impending doom feels so real, and then i go into a spiral thinking about everything that's happened to me and whether anything could be interpreted as a sign from heaven that disaster is on the way. (my culture is big on signs from heaven.)

only eight more days until i get my mental health plan! then maybe, maybe i will find someone who can help me.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi qarasuv,

Glad you keep posting to express your mood/reactions - it's good you can put your fears into perspective and 'step out' to evaluate them.

Yes, you can certainly overthink everything!; and despite the problems it causes you, I do admire your ability to contemplate the 'grand plan' - most people don't even stop to appreciate these wonders.

Distraction would probably benefit you - are you good at making things, or solving puzzles? Keeping your eyes (and vivid imagination) occupied may give you more control.

I think you have matters well in hand now, so good on you for rising above.

Regards,

t.

[Petal22]

Hang in there qarasuv only 8 more days .... keep practicing your strategies 😊 you are doing well 😊

[Petal22]

When you feel yourself going into a spiral of thinking try to bring yourself back to the present moment... what can you hear? What can you smell? Bring your attention to your breath..😊

[qarasuv]

My battle with the sky continues. At first I was only afraid of the stars. Then I found out that if something does slip through our detection systems and smack us around, it will most likely come from the direction of the sun; so then I was afraid in the daytime as well. Luckily (?), the sky isn't exactly a trigger I can avoid. It's either tackle the fear, or go live underground. So in addition to nightly stargazing sessions, I've been walking every day; I take my sketchbook, and when I start to panic about being out there under the enormity, I force myself to sit down right there and draw a tree or a bird or a bit of grass until the urge to flee has faded.

It's good having the internet. Other people before me have been afraid of the sky too (though it seems to be very rare) and they didn't die in an asteroid strike. I'm very motivated to fix this problem - I used to love the sky.

Thank you again for sticking with me through this bizarre journey. I really hope I'm making progress.