Apocalyptic Anxiety (trigger warning: space)

[qarasuv]

Hi, I'm new here.

I am terrified of asteroids, comets, and anything else space can throw at us. Currently I have been in a slow-burn freakout for weeks, checking the news every hour, feeling like I'm about to die. I've had lifelong OCD but it's only in the past month that my obsessions have become this intense and this apocalyptic, and I am really struggling and don't know what to do.

I'm in a rural area so my options are very limited. I've seen a GP who agrees I need to see a psychologist pretty urgently, but she said there is absolutely no chance of getting in to see anybody - urgently or not - for at least 6-8 weeks. These invasive thoughts are constant, unrelenting, and extremely vivid; nothing can distract me from them, and I am in lockdown, so no option of taking a day trip or seeing friends to take my mind off it.

I've been trying and trying and trying to find information online about what to do, but nothing seems applicable to my particular situation. Information on panic attacks all seems to assume that the main cause of distress is the panic attack symptoms; I don't care about my racing heart or shortness of breath, I care about what I'm scared is about to happen. Anxiety information is tailored to stuff like "what if my house gets broken into?" or "what if I say something embarrassing in public?", not obsessions on this terrifying level. Stuff online about dealing with intrusive thoughts gives me conflicting opinions - do I challenge the thought, or try to ignore it? Is it best to push it away, or it that repression that will make it come back stronger? Do I try to distract myself with mental exercises, or is that a compulsion? Breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation used to work, but they don't anymore. I exercise daily and eat well and don't drink.

Any help or support would be much appreciated. I don't think I can take 6-8 weeks more of this with no help whatsoever.

[Sophie_M]

Hey qarasuv,

Wishing you a warm welcome to the forums. It takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you have reached out here today. We can hear how distressing and overwhelming that these thoughts must be making you feel, but please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time.

It's great to hear that you have reached out to your GP to discuss these thoughts and feelings. It takes a lot of strength and courage to be so proactive in recognising you need help and seeking it. We'd really recommend reaching out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, who are available anytime on 1300 22 4636 or you can also get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsuppor One of the friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these thoughts and feelings with you, and can offer you some support and advice to help you through this difficult time.

Our friends at Lifeline are also available to you 24/7 whenever these thoughts and feelings become too much to cope with. Please do reach out anytime on 13 11 14 (or you can also  visit https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat for online chat) 

You might also be interested in reading about the journey of others who have struggled with OCD and intrusive thoughts:

"OCD and intrusive thoughts"
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/ocd-and-intrusive-thoughts

"Intrusive thoughts"
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/young-people/intrusive-thoughts

Hopefully a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. We're all here to help you through this, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

[tranzcrybe]

Hi qarasuv,

Glad you stopped by the forums - lots of friendly people here to help.

Sorry to hear about your concerns and not being able to get the help you seek. But everyone here is keen to hear you and, if you feel like chatting more, I am here to try to alleviate any fears you may have, or at least offer some reassurance in whatever way I can.

What are your thoughts on asteroids, planets, and all that 'black stuff' out there?

Regards,

t.

[qarasuv]

Thank you so much for the warm welcome. I'm sorry for not doing an introduction or anything like that, I just got overwhelmed today and desperately needed somewhere to vent. While I will definitely call the hotlines if things get unbearable, I'm trying to avoid them for as long as possible - the volunteers are getting slammed enough without dealing with my space angst!

I was worried about sharing my exact obsessions in case somebody else got triggered who has the same concerns, or worse, developed fears like mine when they didn't have them before. But hopefully the title will provide enough of a warning.

My most concrete fear is of an asteroid or a comet hitting the earth. Those are two distinct scenarios, I'm equally terrified of both. I have autism, and like a lot of autistic people I have an extremely vivid imagination and my brain doesn't just throw up thoughts, but visualises and plays a "video" of the impact (right on top of my house) on endless loop in my mind. I am especially a mess right now because there's an asteroid flying close by earth in about six hours. NASA and a few other agencies have declared that it has no chance of hitting, but COVID (these things are all related) has shaken my faith in government and media so that's no longer as reassuring as it once was. I think I've checked the news for updates about 30-40 times today, thoroughly researched the space rock in question, checked the personal twitters of every astrophysicist I know of to make sure nobody's hiding anything, and in between fighting off these compulsions, just been a nervous wreck. The nebulous possibility of a strike terrifies me enough on a normal day, but when I have an actual timeframe of when such a thing could occur, I am completely petrified and incapacitated for at least 24 hours leading up to the event.

By the way I didn't mean to belittle more "mundane" obsessions in my initial post, and I apologise if that's how it sounded to anyone else. My problem started off with social anxiety and paranoia about locks and stoves, I know how intense it is, and I've seen how those concerns can destroy somebody's life without anything as dramatic as an asteroid impact. It's just frustrating trying to find online help because my obsession is so over-the-top terrifying and inescapable that it feels like I'm dealing with a completely different condition to what gets described. Not worse - normally I'm only mildly affected, it only recently got this bad - but different.

[Petal22]

Hello,

sorry to hear you are feeling this way...

I had OCD .... I have now recovered from it... I went to a clinic that specialised in OCD... I did therapy there for 8 weeks... it took time to practice the skills I was taught but I now use the tools I was given when needed.

You can break free of the OCD cycle and recover....

Have you tried meditation, mindfulness.... I found meditation really helped with becoming aware...with ocd our brains get stuck in a cycle and you need to learn how to break free of it... you can learn to do it... you just need the correct help... there is light at the end of the tunnel 😊

[tranzcrybe]

Hi qarasuv,

Thanks for getting back to us - you are so considerate to think of others on this post and the 'hotlines' but your feelings are no less important (and they would welcome a chat with such interesting people as yourself).

Wow, you certainly know your stuff! Any questions I ever have with space, I'll know who to ask.

I had a very fine (and equally obnoxious) physics teacher who opened his first lesson with "The moon is accelerating towards the Earth!" As we all sat in stunned and petrified silence, he then went on to demonstrate the laws of velocity and gravity thankfully proving we weren't all going to perish. Phew.

In many ways, asteroids are like stone chips on your windscreen - annoying but rarely getting through. I think it's all about odds, scale, and the weird way space seems to sort itself out. We are lucky our atmosphere bounces off or burns up most intruders.

You have an inquisitive mind, qarasuv, could you turn your fear into enthusiasm? (they are closely related).

I trust you will keep us posted on what happens... please?

[qarasuv]

Hi Petal! I was only very recently diagnosed with OCD, by the second of two psychologists I've had good results with. Unfortunately those sessions had to end due to unforeseen circumstances, so we were never able to focus on OCD-specific tools for coping. My first psychologist taught me some strategies for anxiety, but I was only able to do the ten subsidised sessions so we only covered the very basics. So I've learnt to count my breaths, do progressive muscle relaxation, and the mindfulness exercise where you focus on items in the room and sensations that you're feeling, but that's all. I have never learnt meditation, or at least not CBT meditation, just the yoga kind that's like "empty your mind of all thoughts" (not going to happen.) So any help you could give me would be very, very welcome.

My main problem is that the thoughts and visualisations are just so persistent and so clear. It is very difficult to distract myself from them - they continue unabated while I count my breaths and do relaxation exercises, and even if I manage to relax myself a bit, I tense back up again the moment I stop because the thoughts are still coming. Books, TV and drawing have no effect either, the thoughts seem to be able to run in the background and at the first moment of silence they're loud again. And I have constant nightmares about them too, so I am sleep-deprived on top of everything else.

The hardest part is not checking the news every five minutes, because it feels so essential. During the bushfires I was checking that news every five minutes too because multiple fronts were so close to people that I knew - but that was different, I could easily choose to stop checking for a full 24 hours and it caused me no angst. I know that this is causing me more anxiety, I'm not learning anything that could possibly help me, but I just can't stop.

[qarasuv]

Thank you Tranzcrybe! I'm glad I'm of interest to somebody. It's definitely an interesting obsession to have, I have learnt a lot about astrophysics just by being so completely terrified. Maybe it will turn into enthusiasm in the future, but right now I'm just freaking out waiting for 4:30pm UTC (2am my time, when the thing is scheduled to fly by) - I would like the asteroids to stay as far away from me as possible, I am content never to meet one.

Thank you everyone who's posted in this thread. I didn't think it could possibly make me feel better just posting about it on the internet, but it has made a real difference.

Last time this happened (it was my 30th birthday party, which was ruined...), I told myself "Oh well, at least next time you have an asteroid scare, you can remember that last time this happened you were totally convinced it was going to hit and it didn't." Except it doesn't seem to work that way, because every asteroid is different. And COVID's had such a weird effect on how I perceive scientific organisations and the media, I am not a conspiracy theory type of person but now I read reassuring communications from NASA and my brain just instantly goes "They're lying!"

[tranzcrybe]

Hi qarasuv,

I guess it's a bit like going on the Roller Coaster ride (although 100 times more in your case) - the fear of surviving and the thrill of the ride are almost one and the same thing.

I say: 'Embrace the thrill' - and don't we feel so much more grateful once we get off!

NASA? Lying?? It all depends on where they are when they tell you:

• in the observation towers - no worries;

• from the underground bunkers - well...

Some people find it helpful to confront it head on - defy it, challenge it, and then watch it run away.

I personally just observe in wonder and awe at the majesty of everything beyond our realm.

Have fun gazing into the heavens (or just your screens).

Regards,

t.

[Petal22]

Hello qarasuv,

My suggestions for OCD would be .... get to know what your compulsions are and work on stopping to do them... one of my compulsions was always seeking reassurance so once I knew this was a compulsion I worked on stopping this.... the more compulsions you stop the more your cycle will be interrupted...

I used to analyse my thoughts once I became aware of the analysing I was doing I stopped this..

I practiced guided meditation... this was very beneficial for me... I learned to be a watcher of my thoughts and not get so caught up in them... find a guided meditation on your phone for watching thoughts..

i practiced mindfulness.... eg washing the dishes what sounds can I hear, what does the water feel like, what sounds can I hear... this also exercises the attention our attention is like a muscle and needs exercising...

When you feel like you are getting caught up in your ocd cycle bring yourself calmly out and focus your attention on the present moment.. this stops the ocd cycle..

it all takes practice but you can break free of the ocd cycle..

if you feel yourself in your thoughts ( in your head) bring yourself out and bring your attention to the present moment...

I highly recommend meditation...

😊