Anyone with Social Anxiety?

[Banksia20]

Hi,

Anyone else here with social anxiety? I'm not a shy person but I constantly worry what people think of me or I will go over and over things I have said or done. It is exhausting!

Any advice to reduce these thoughts and emotions?

[Annas1]

Hi Banksia20,

I have social anxiety and have only become more aware of its effects on my life recently. It is a very tricky condition as it is intrinsically human to want to be included in social groups and respected, however our sensitivity to not being included or respected sets off an internal alarm too easily.

So the first thing I would advise myself (if I could go back 30 years) is 'give yourself a break', remind yourself of the people in your life who you can rely on to include you and respect you. This can be the foundation on which to 'be yourself' with others, regardless of how you think they appraise you. Of course, this is super hard and still a work in progress for me, and may in fact be a theme in my personal development ongoing.

I can really identify with the feeling of exhaustion that people pleasing induces - it's hard work keeping all those social balls in the air. Again, I'm working on consciously deciding who I want to invest my care/concern/effort/attention in, and not act on my reflex to respond to every need I perceive in my social world. It is a skill and has to be learned. (I'm still learning!)

I think another thing that helps is the understanding that you are 'enough' and 'valuable' and 'worthy' just as you are. You don't need to prove it/justify it/earn it by ensuring others' good will/appraisal. I'm trying to free myself of this habit of 'proving' my worthiness. Hopefully it will mean I feel less burdened and freer to be me in the world.

And of course, I've gathered all these insights from lots of counselling and self-reflection. They have been essential to my growth.

Take care Banskia,

Annas

[Guest_4643]

Hey Banskia20, welcome.

Yes I have a Social Phobia, basically the same, a bit worse though. I understand how you feel. I think many others would agree and feel the same. Take care.

[CalmCat]

Hi Banksia20,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for bringing up such an important topic.

I too get social anxiety and have figured out how to manage it by looking after my mental health. Lots of exercise, good diet and moderate alcohol intake is the key. If you find yourself getting anxiety at the build up to meeting someone, let them know what you've nervous. Sometimes talking about it can help immensely.

Let us know your thoughts.

Regards,

Doran

[Cee123]

Hi there Banksia20,

Yes, absolutely. I have social anxiety as well. And it's a tough condition to live with. I've achieved a LOT less in my life than other people my age because of it. I'm always worried if people will like me or not. I'm worried about being bullied, being negatively evaluated, being judged. I was in a support group for social anxiety disorder years ago, which dealt with CBT and while it did help me, it didn't help me a lot. I still get massively nervous around other people. And it sucks. I personally think that, for me, bullying is what caused it. I also feel like I have really crappy social skills and I feel awkward.

Wish I had some advice, I really do. But I'm stuck.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Banksia20,

Yes I know the feeling! On my good days, I'm able to use distraction to overcome the anxiety. If I was in a large group setting/social function that's making me uncomfortable, I would try to focus on the nice food as a distraction to forget about the people around me. If I find myself overthinking and going over things I've said or done, I would close my eyes and say "stop".

[Mummeee]

Yes - I have a self-diagnosed social anxiety. And it is exhausting.

I don’t having any wisdom just now, but I totally empathize with your feelings and hope you can get some good support here.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Mumeee, welcome.

Just a reminder not to self diagnose yourself, you're best getting diagnosed from a professional. I'm not saying that to disregard you or anything, just trying to help, because it's better to get a diagnosis from a professional.

[blondguy]

Hi Banksia20...Thankyou for the helpful thread!

I understand your pain with social anxiety....Cee123 summed it up so well 'I've achieved a LOT less in my life than other people my age because of it'

There are various levels of social anxiety and if it begins to have a negative impact on our daily well being...frequent counselling can be a huge help....especially in the early stages

my kindest thoughts

Paul

[Guest_1643]

hi all,

yep i have social anxiety quite badly.

i did not always struggle with it, and used to enjoy being with ppl. i dont feel comfortable goign to places with lots of ppl, and prefer being with a few ppl i know and lke.