Anyone quit a job due to not having a grip on Anxiety?

Zeity · ‎01-09-2019

I have been in my role for 7yrs. It offers flexibility, ridiculous great hours but poor pay, lil progress and a boss who will praise you one day and humiliate you in a meeting room the next. Ive been buried in a pressure cooker for the last 2 months and finally uttered the words IM DONE...penned a letter, decorating with thanks yous and fluffy stuff and admitted it was to take time off for self-care, basically due to "health" reasons. I dont have a back plan and my husband is currently not earning. But ive spent 2 months not sleeping, not eating, working almost 3 times the amount i csn physically do. When he turns on you, he is anniliating. Basically, i go to work in constant fear that im going to stuff up and get told off by him all the time....and i just need a bresk to sort my life out and reset my head to die doen the crazy chatter. It is stupid for me to not have another job lined up and resign.in 48hrs but the reality it is my anxiety wont let me look for a shop whike i still work there. Itll be written all over my face

Zeity · ‎01-09-2019

Apologies fot the grammar...what i meant to say was that my anxiety will not allow me to look for a job while im working there. My anxiety is an entity that has been living rent free in my mental house ALL MY LIFE. I personify "Her" sometimes just so i can tell her off!!! I want out of the situation im in....i felt relieved and serene as soon as my husbank ok'd my decision....and noe the voice in my head is like Where are you going to get those hours? What are you going yo do next? What if this is as good as it gets? And what does it mean that the idea of quioting is keeping me from sleeping...its almost 2am...now im just rambling...hope to resd someones insight b4 i close my eyes

Quercus · ‎01-09-2019

Hi Zeity and welcome,

Reading your post it sounds like either way you choose both are stressful in their own way. I suppose I just wanted to say whatever you decide to do we're here and listening.

Is it an option to take leave from work before deciding? This was something a colleague suggested to me years ago when I had had a gutful and was ready to just walk away from a job I'd had for many years. The theory was that I could rest and see if I still felt the same in a few weeks. Or at least made sure I had references organised before I gave my notice.

The idea made me realise I wanted out of that workplace because time off would make me more anxious and worried about returning.

But that was just me. Hubby was working and although we needed my income too it wasn't going to mean we lost the house short term.

If you quit how long do you have to find a new job? Will your husband look too? Just food for thought.

If you stay... Is it possible to do anything to change the toxic environment or at least make you feel a bit safer?

I hope you find a solution that feels right for you. Would be interested to know how you are holding up too.

Nat

Zeity · ‎01-09-2019

When you wrote, "The idea made me realise I wanted out of that workplace because time off would make me more anxious and worried about returning" resonated with me.

Most articles I've read all indicate to find a job to move into rather than quit without any job prospects. I guess, in an ideal world, i need a sanity break for a bit with the option to come back.

But heres the thing...i will feel guilty to look for something while im still working there...i will feel anxious if i ask for leave and then took some leave to reconsider my options then have to confront him again to say, I found something.

Part of me thinks this way is the most amic ......amicable way to do it..siting health reasons... rather than wait when he gets aggressive again and then do it.

Funny how easy it was to put my sanity first for about a day....and now, it seems like the dumbest move i can make. Yet i will still be paranoid about the errors ive made, still lose sleep over my performance, still allow anxiety to tighten my chest and make me sick about work 24/7.

I dont know wherher to give in to my uncertainty or recognise it as anxiety and carry on with my plans to leave.

Zeity · ‎01-09-2019

In the end...im afraid to leave and afraid to stay. The voices in my head are conflicting and at times im afraid of my own safety. I know i wont do anything to harm myself..i know i have much to live for...i know this too, shall pass...but i just dont want to work there anymore. I dont have the mindset to seek work while im there, ask for leave or go for a job without wondering if im going to put myself in the same or worse position. Who can make this decision for me? How do i stop this crippling feeling...i need help yet i dont know even know what kind of help asking for.

Quercus · ‎01-09-2019

Hi Zeity,

You wrote 'who can make this decision for me'... Truth is the decision is yours to make because it affects your life.

I don't envy having to make such a difficult choice. It wouldn't be remotely easy.

Is your husband much help to talk to about this? Given that this choice affects you both perhaps sitting down and making a decision together might help you feel better supported.

Your previous posts show pretty clearly how you're feeling and what you want. So I wondering if you've consideted what holds you back from making a decision? Is there anything that you and your partner can do that would help you feel more comfortable with your choices?

Speaking to a professional is a good idea if you don't feel safe at the moment. Do you think speaking with an employment agency might help too?

Nat

44Max44 · ‎01-09-2019

My first and only real job I had as a baker I quit after 3 months due to my anxiety.
I couldn't shake the feeling that the bread I made wasn't good enough and that I was letting the bakery down. They also wanted me to start doing cashier duties from time to time which I didn't want to do due to my anxiety. Instead of talking to my boss and explaining that I didn't want to do cashier duties, I just quit.

Now I'm too worried to apply anywhere else because I fear not being good enough for the job and due to my social anxiety pretty much any job that even has a little bit of socializing I want to avoid.

Zeity · ‎01-09-2019

I totally understand what you are feeling! I feel like if i leave because of my anxiety what mindset could i possibly be in to go for another job?! What references would I have? In the end, I need to find the courage to say to i need help with a role ive only been doing for a short while from someone who has been doing it for decades...if the circumstances escalate and i feel i have no support than ill leave because of that...but often bloody anxiety just churns our brain to overthink every little thing. Sometimes how we perceive ourselves is not the same as what other people are thinking of you. Ive been in and out of forums and chats all weekend. Hang in there, 44Max44...you are not alone and you will get through this. We all will. Strength in numbers!!!!

jollydolly · ‎02-09-2019

Hi Zeity,

I hope work was OK today, if you went in. Sounds like you had a really awful weekend, but good on you for reaching out for help. If you can take time off to look for another job before you quit, great. If not, it doesn't matter. There will be another job, and you'll be strong enough to do it. Good luck.

Zeity · ‎03-09-2019

Hi, I did go into work, I didnt resign and i could not feel more numb. I dont want to be there and somehow ive managed to take on another month long task. Which makes it even more anxious for me to resign? Do i deserve to be consumed by my job? No. Does my young family deserve to see me as a shell of a human? No. But i fear that i just cant bear the thought of work talking about me as that person that was handed a responsibility and cracked under pressure and left and then for months to come ill be targetted for ALL the mistakes BEYOND the ones i did...coz it'll be easier to just say, "I dont know what she did then?" I feel like im on a carousel that i cant get off and im not enjoying the ride...but then theres also the financial situation...how long can i go without a job? And how do you go for a job and say you left your last one due to a nervous breakdown? What references can i count on them to give me. The biggest irony of all is that the staff overall have been nothing but encouraging and supportive and i cant help feeling ive duped them all and when the person returns back to her role back off..thats when ill come undone. Im thinking ...wishing!...of the most horrible things to happen that will get me out of work. So ungrateful and shameful to do that...for my family and friends. My boss is unpredictably obnoxious..the same hand he uses to pat your back, he slaps your hand with it. If i quit for health reasons, whether he accepts or not, he wont understand what more he couldve done for me. Ideally, i would love to give 4wks notice to be there long enough to see through the transition of staff member returning and settling in after leave. But he might get so offended he tell me to go on the spot...and i leave without a chance at redemption and to no job prospects. Am i even hireable? Im seeing my therapist next week after the longest time..maybe ill score the breakthrough I need. Here's hoping. Unless you suffer from anxiety, you cant know what this overwhelming emotion feels like. Ive lost weight, i look like shit...surely, they can see that. But theyre probably just scratching their heads thinking she doesnt have to put herself through this?! Because even though i told my boss IM NOT OK...that i spent Fathers Day telling my wonderful husband that im on the phone with Lifeline...mental illness is still lost on so many people. I need an out. And im afraid what that might be!