Anxious when eating out with others

[orchid_5]

Hi everyone,

I love food and have never had an eating disorder, but when I eat out with people who aren't family or close friends, I become really anxious. This wasn't really a problem until covid hit. 

As an example, the other night I went to a cooking class with 10+ work colleagues. It wasn't until I was on my way there that I began feeling anxious. I started to relax a bit when I started chatting with my colleagues and while we were cooking. However, when it was time to eat what we had cooked, I felt sick. I tried to eat and felt like I was going to throw up so I went outside to get some air. When I came back I ate a bit, but I still felt really sick in my throat. 

I should mention that it also depends on the environment. The more casual the place is, the more relaxed I feel. I know it sounds strange, but I can't seem to get rid of the anxiety and I've been seeing a psychologist for a couple of years now.

I don't know if this type of anxiety has a name, but I'd love to hear from others who may be experiencing the same thing, or who have overcome it. 

Thanks. 

[Croix]

Dear Orchid_5~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. In fact it is a pretty good move to come here as many have anxiety related matters and if you look around you may well see how others have coped wiht similar problems.

I guess it does not have to be exactly the same, for instance when I felt myself to be in a more formal situation when I thought I might be 'under inspection' I'd smoke a lot more. No great parallel I know but it does show, at least in my case, anxiety effected how I behaved. Like you in private or more relaxed surroundings the urge was not nearly so strong.

This must be a terribly inconvenient and worrying thing for you, quite apart from the horrible physical sensations. While I"m glad to hear you do have medical assistance I am wondering about the length of time you have been seeing your psychologist.

Do you feel that the visits/therapy have considerably improved matters for you over time or it it a question of remaining much the same? If that were the case do you think discussing this wiht your psych might be worthwhile?

I might also suggest - my apologies if you have already done so - that contacting the eating disorder specialists, the Butterfly Foundation who have phone, email and chat 24/7  may give you more advice and background information. They are very used to such matters.

It  is only with professionals assisting me I've now recovered to a pretty good stage (and don't smoke:)

What do you think ?

Croix

[Mark Z.]

Hi orchid_5,

I'm sorry for your challenge.

I'm not a professional, but as you've been seeing a psychologist for years already, do you mind sharing how the problem is diagnosed by your psychologist, are you still seeing him/her, and do you feel still progressing with the treatment?

Mark

[therising]

Hi orchid_5

That sounds so incredibly stressful. I hope you're not being too hard on yourself while trying hard to work out why you feel the way you do. Sometimes a determined curiosity and the recognition we're working hard to better understand our self can help us be much kinder to our self, even proud at times.

Over the years, I've come to make a little more sense of my social anxiety. Maybe you can relate to some of the following:

• I'm a natural introvert. Much rather socialise with a handful of philosophers/people who wonder, rather than with a large party of people who are into small talk. Small talk can feel uncomfortable and somewhat forced
• I'm challenged to manage how I feel other people's energy, whether that energy's in a room full of hyper people, angry people, stressed, combative or loud people etc
• I'm challenged to manage sound. Too much of it in one room and I can feel the volume/amount of sound
• I can feel a lack of faith in myself, in my ability to manage a new or challenging situation. Faith in our self can also be felt or sensed (aka a sense of confidence)
• I can feel when people are too close (based on how I define my comfort zone). My 17yo son and 19yo daughter love tormenting me with this. They can be standing there talking to me, moving ever so slightly closer to me. They'll try not to smile as they watch me move back each time they get close. They can have me moving back to half way across the room without me realising. Suddenly, when I wake up, we have a laugh together. Sitting at a dining table can also be challenging, being so close together. I have to know people well, to be able to feel comfortable
• I can feel the subtle judgement of people, when they're 'reading' me. If you're someone who tends to get a feel for people (their nature), you can sense when they're trying to get a feel for you, who you are (in general or in the moment)

I used to wonder what was 'wrong' with me until someone pointed out all the things I can be feeling at one time.

Hope this helps in some way🙂

[Flop]

    Hello orchid_5

I have had a similar experience at a seafood restaurant, it was for someone's birthday and I felt terribly out of place. Eating out in general makes me feel very anxious as well, I suddenly won't feel hungry at all even if I've not eaten at all that day, so I can imagine how you must feel. I've not practiced this myself, but I recently listened to an Audiobook called 'Dare' and within it he mentioned a technique where you chew and chew, and maybe even over chew and your body will naturally swallow for you.

I'm not sure if that is of any use, but know you're not alone!