Anxious talking about myself - hot, red face

[LuLu04]

Hi

For at least 10 years I've found it uncomfortable talking about myself to people. Not all people and it's not all the time. It's just in certain situations I'll be asked a question about myself (what do you do for work?, how was your holiday?) and I'll feel like I'm under a spotlight. The main symptoms are I start to feel hot, then red in the face and then I sweat. It's so uncomfortable and embarrassing. Then I start to over think everything and it makes it even worse! It happens randomly and sometimes I'm fine to start with and then mid way through the conversation it happens. I think now I almost expect it to happen which brings it on.

I'm definitely more of an introvert then extrovert but I'm sociable and enjoy conversation but this makes me want to avoid talking too much about myself. I'm also a thinker and tend to internalise a lot of things. People always say how calm I am but I think that's probably because I hold a lot of things in rather than letting it out. I tend to hold a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders which also doesn't help.

I've tried to deal with it for years and find ways of avoiding situations but I've decided I need to do something to get it under control as I feel like it's starting to get a bit worse and it is effecting my confidence. I am good at my job but I also feel like it's holding me back from progressing.

Any advice would be very welcome - thank you 🙂

[LesDave]

I had this a lot when a young adult. It took a long time to work out I was ashamed of myself and lacked any self appreciation. It will take a fair bit of self reflection and assistance, AND, you be willing to listen to those you trust. Here is how I got better.

I discovered what toxic shame is and worked through it.

I sat down and worked through what I was passionate about and what I was good with and started to appreciate myself.

I worked on the things I was not so good with.

I asked friends and family to give me a warts and all analysis of what people see when they see me. I got a lot of fluff, but in amongst it people told me what I was actually like. That way I worked on the things they never liked, and appreciated what they did like.

Gradually I got better. Then when I had to talk about myself I knew I was actually telling the truth and I never got anxious.

[LuLu04]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post, I really appreciate it. I've had this issue on and off for a long time and sort of just put up with it. But it's a problem and I think I'm now in a space where I accept I need to address the underlying issues to get better. I have always been a self critical person and an over analyser. And I'm always concerned what other people think about me. I like your advice, perhaps it's just time to ask them! And learn to appreciate myself. Thank you