Anxiety turnsto Anger then to depression in a heartbeat ... work trigger

[LadyCath]

Hi all,

So ever since I had an encounter with my manager above me I have been in the worst funk. I know he is a trigger for my anxiety but it is getting worse.

Firstly I need to work out how to keep myself angry not become depressed and hopeless. He will say something or want me to change something which is unrealistic or he will treat me like i am an idiot which he does to many of us at work in various ways and I will feel angry for like 30 seconds at most and all of a sudden I am fighting off a flood of tears and often almost refuse to talk to my staff below me or customers for the rest of the day if not longer. The other store managers are wonderful and tell me to not take his comments or attacks on my store personally and to just say "yes sir" until he leaves and to also stand my ground however that is proving much more difficult. I would kill to be able to remain angry for a while rather than shut down. At least until the end of the work day.

A bit of history. I have a history of low self esteem and little faith in myself. I take things very personally as I am ocd and a perfectionist. I am proud of my store and think we have done well but he walks in and tells me that all sorts of things are wrong then leaves. He is a very bubbly, talkative, frantic little man who is constantly stressing, constantly moving and doing and is the polar opposite of me. I try to be calm and cool and collected and try to always see the silver lining. He doesn't have a silver lining. Everything to him is a stress and a disaster. Being new to the company he treats me as if i am new to working in general which i take offence to. I've been in retail 15+ years. He has no trust in me and is constantly reminding me of things before even checking if i've done them or not making me feel like he has no faith in me at all. None.

As much as the other store managers tell me he does it to them it grinds badly on me. He is very good at his job however... and rather than rock the boat and get him in trouble I'd rather find a way to work with our clashing personalities. I need coping mechanisms.

The other day I took my wallet and left my work and personal phone on my desk. I strolled up the road to the vending machine at the local train station to get a can of cola and I stopped ... wondering what would happen if i just got on a train and went away. Leaving mobiles, boyfriend, house, work. Just walk. The idea was there. I am concerned that although I have never done so that I will.

Sorry, I talk too much and have few outlets for it. Any advice on how to stop me curling up in a ball at work every time my manager speaks?

[Croix]

Dear LadyCath~

Welcome here to the Forum, and I'm sorry you are in such a disheartening and frustrating place. It is nerveracking enough starting a new position without such sabotage. Unfortunately there are some people that have the unhappy knack of pushing our buttons, intentionally or otherwise and this supervisor sounds like one of him.

I can relate to anger, I'm pretty mild and tend to blame myself too, so when it happens is about the only time I'll really stand up for myself. I've no idea how to prolong it, unless you have a couple of items that will always make you cross, and can summon them to mind as needed. This is not as improbable as you might think.

When I gave up smoking anger assisted, I remembered the cigarette adverts from my youth portraying smoking as so cool. Whenever I started to waver I'd summon up an image of the ad, and think of the companies getting fat. It did help. The same has applied at other times too.

Apart from anger is reason a starter? Can you make a list, sit down wiht this person and explain his actions are over hasty, rude and counter productive? (You might need a tad more tact than I've set out here).

Once the visit is over, rather than letting it consume your thoughts can you employ a distraction to get your mind away from it. I use the free smartphone app Smiling Mind to break a circular chain of thoughts. It does take practice but is worth it.

I can also completely understand that fancy to just keep walking. As a perfectionist do you take satisfaction in some of the things you do? When the urge to disappear starts can you think of enjoyable tasks you put aside to lure you back?

Do you mind if I ask about support? Are you currently under any form of treatment? If you are can I suggest you see your doctor and explore the possibility of having your regime changed to deal with the current hassles. If you are not being treated now might be a good time to look into it.

I've another question I'm afraid. You seem to be implying that leaving your boyfriend, like work and house, is an escape. Is the the case? It seems sad to want to go away from rather than to a close friend. Is there anyone who you do feel confidence in and secure, who you can get comport and support from? Being sort of alone dealing with this is not good

I do hope you come back and say what you think.

Croix