Anxiety over having kids

[anony1357]

Does anyone have experience with or advice for someone who is highly anxious about starting a family? I have always wanted this and planned for it but the last few weeks I have freaked out and nothing is calming me down. I have gone on meds and have a psych but I feel like I need reassurance that anxious people have gone through this and still had a family and been ok.

[StillKicking]

Hi Kneady. I don't want to discourage anyone, but I'd like people to be better prepared than I was. Make sure that you can make arrangements in advance if you think you'll need support, and get yourself in the best possible position first. Discuss in advance with your partner what each of your expectations are as to roles and the sort of parents you want to be. Admittedly I have other diagnoses that made it harder for me, and it will be a different experience for everyone. Control of my environment & expectations not being met are themes in my depression & anxiety, reality didn't resemble my expectations. Be forearmed so you can deal with things better as they come along.

I found that my inability to plan ahead or stick to routines and my underdeveloped social skills became my biggest obstacles. Routine, consistency and assertiveness are your best weapons when managing children, and these are my biggest struggles. Genetic issues are a consideration to. It's hard to see someone you love go through the same issues you struggled with, and if you don't have a proper grip on those issues yourself you can't guide them through it.

CBT is a really helpful tool and you can learn ways to confront and head off your anxiety and get some control back over your life. Mindfulness is another technique that helps me stay in the present and stop worrying so much about all the future things i can't change now. I have to work on my mental health and doing that will have a flow on effect, often resulting in my having a completely different approach to the future issues. Often you'll need to have the support of an anti-depressant for a while to be able to use those techniques, but if you just take the anti-d alone you'll have a much greater chance of relapse. It's about making a multi-pronged effort to get the best outcome. There are a few options now, each with varying degrees of individual success, but we're each so different we need to find what works for us. My experience found that by focusing on my anxiety and depression I realise that a lot of my anxiety over the future is a symptom instead of a contributor. Just be aware of what you can do and worry about what you can't do later, it may resolve itself.

You'll probably need help and support like you would fighting other illnesses, so don't think you have to do it alone. It's vital that you're healthy before you have to worry about other people or it can be exponentially harder on everyone.

All the best.