Anxiety out of control

[jsm1974]

Hi all,

My wife and I are (probably) separating due, ironically, to a bout with either anxiety or depression (or both) on her end which has made her feel numb. As a result, my own anxiety has been out of control....multiple panic attacks every day and 'fight or flight' jitters the rest of the time....to the point that I cannot even eat, let alone do anything to distract me. I've been on medication for dysthymia, MDD, GAD, and ADHD for quite a while, but medication isn't really cutting it. I have never in my life experienced anything like this. I'm trying so hard to be there for her and to give her the time and space that she needs, but I feel as if I am failing in that regard as she can see right through me. I know I need to get my head right before I can be of any real comfort to her.

I've been working at using mindfulness techniques, but much of the time I can't even identify the offending thought. I have had a few moments of respite here and there, but I can't seem to identify a pattern there. Does anyone have any techniques or strategies that I could use to calm my head/body down enough to be able to use mindfulness? I've been like this for well over a month, which simply can't be healthy and is definitely not helping me support my wife.

[jsm1974]

My therapist has mentioned metacognitive therapy, but has said that first I need to work on emotion regulation and distress tolerance. The feelings are still too raw.

Hard not to lose hope...I've always struggled with the idea that this world isn't worth the effort, but my wife changed that by showing me how much better everything is when shared with someone you truly love. Now it seems that even our bond was an illusion.

[Stui]

Hi Jsm1974,

Sorry to hear that you still feel this way. After I posted I thought of something else that helped me which was I was a member of a social group perhaps you and your wife could find one either individually or as a couple I'm not sure where your based but try asking you counsellors I'm sure they would have some ideas.

[jsm1974]

Hi Stui

Do you mean something like a support group? I'm in the very southern part of Sydney ("the Shire") and have checked around but haven't had any luck. I'm having to turn to dating apps to meet friends, but not having much luck. Good idea to ask my therapist though....I'll ask him at my next session next week.

My wife has her group of friends, whom I've never met and where she is every weekend just to get away from our place. Her avoidance is, I believe, perpetuating her problems, which is why I've lost hope in us saving our marriage. She feels no connection to me anymore, but she refuses to explore why that is. I think she'll just right it off to the laziest concept ever: "well, people change".

[jsm1974]

I also should have mentioned that I'm currently on 3 different medications for depression and ADHD and have already been referred to the Black Dog clinic, as I am considered treatment resistant. Hopefully I can find something to deal with this once and for all, as this has gone on for far too long.

[Petal22]

Hi jsm1974,

Has your therapist been helping you with emotion regulation and distress tolerance? I understand it all takes practice. I’m glad your therapist has mentioned metacognitive therapy it’s well worth a try at it if you can some time.

Im sorry that things are the way they are at the moment with your wife, has her anxiety symptoms made her this way?

Do you feel better when your around people?

Have you tried meditation?

[jsm1974]

My therapist only told me to check out those concepts at the end of our last session, so I think the plan is to talk more about them next time. I've been trying meditation and mindfulness techniques, but nothing seems to mitigate the emptiness I feel. I can't seem to conjure any sense of hope at all. My only respite from emptiness has been the occasional random and explosive boutique of crying. Not a great lifestyle.

[Petal22]

I’m sorry jsm1974 that you are feeling this way, I really hope things get better for you.

If you would like to talk to someone please call one of our caring Beyond Blue councillors 1300 22 4636

We are all here as a community on this forum to listen to you, please chat to us anytime.

[blondguy]

Hi jsm1974

your thread reminded me of my own 'chronic anxiety' back in the 1980's...I understand and feel your pain

Can I ask (if thats okay) how often you see your doc?

my kind thoughts

Paul

[jsm1974]

I've been seeing my therapist at least weekly, but not for very long, so we're only now getting into what might be happening. I know it is a slow process, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Every minute of every day is a struggle and nothing seems to mitigate that. Perhaps it's the fact that my marriage is dead due to no fault of my own, yet I can't do a thing about it. My wife refuses to face the reality of the situation...having to move, split up the finances, etc., so I'm stuck in limbo.