Anxiety or just not attracted to the person?

[Dana123]

Hi,
So I've recently started a relationship with a guy. He's soo sweet and has been very supportive about feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I was diagnosed with GAD a few years ago and for the most part, it has been well managed with medication and therapy. Around the same time the relationship started, I started my first full-time job after graduating from uni. My anxiety has been at an all-time high. I've somehow convinced myself that I can't do both at the same time (full-time work + relationship). It's gotten to the point where sometimes it feels like a chore to hang out with this guy, I get nervous and almost need to plan for our dates mentally. I didn't feel like that in the first week or two. I feel that my anxiety is stopping me from enjoying my time with this guy. But I'm also confused because I feel that if I liked the guy a lot, I shouldn't feel like this? Or is this a normal thing to feel when you have anxiety? I've resumed therapy with my psych, but wondering if anyone has ever experienced something similar? Would love your insights 🙂

Thanks

[Jessl]

Hi Dana 123

I would love to hear how you’re going with your relationship now.

I have a man in my life, I love very much. He says he loves me & really cares about me.

Last week he told me he feels trapped & overwhelmed & couldn’t be in a relationship.

I think he struggles to explain it to me, he says he feels it in his stomach.

He said he can’t give me what I deserve.

I’m finding it very hard to give him the space he needs, my natural instinct is to help him but I want him to know I respect him & his needs

I’m trying to learn about anxiety so I can understand him better & make the right choices for any chance of us having a future together.

[Alexlisa]

Hi Dana,

You’ve had two BIG changes in your life recently, so I think your overwhelm is justified. Don’t underestimate the stress that you’ve been through, because even positive things can cause a lot of mental strain. Please don’t be too hard on yourself.

You’re right that the burden you’re feeling could be a sign that you don’t like the guy as much as you’d want. But I do wonder if you’d be feeling overwhelmed at the moment, no matter who he was, just because of the strain of also starting the new job. I wouldn’t say that the way you’re feeling is part of having an anxiety disorder per se, but definitely having any mental illness can place limits on what we can cope with at once. Maybe try to think about it as if you had a physical illness like arthritis. You probably wouldn’t be able to suddenly take on joining a sport team at the same time as learning to dance because your body would struggle to cope and maybe become more unwell doing too much at once. It can be the same with mental illness - sometimes we need to pace ourselves so that our mental health stays in check. I know for myself, not pacing myself is probably my strongest trigger for worsening symptoms.

I’m not sure what’s best for you to do now, but I hope at least this helps you understand a bit about what might be going on for you. And I hope that you won’t be too hard on yourself for the way that you’re feeling - I’m sure you’re doing your best at a tough time. I hope it works out ok and that you take care of yourself.

Alexlisa

[IsaJett]

I think you can just be honest with him and maybe skip a few dates until you do want to see him ..the urge will come if you really like him..sometimes things can move to quickly and you feel overwhelm with it all...so be kind to yourself and take it slow. There isn’t a rush to do anything ...just go with the flow . If you r not up to seeing him...just explain it to him nicely and he will understand . Let him know it isn’t him but you that need a little time .

its perfectly healthy thing to do in a relationship ..that things move at a pace you are both comfortable with and you will be able to work out a medium ground if you leave communication open .

i hope this helps

[YellowPoppy]

Hey,
I've been with my partner for almost 2 years and we've known each other for about 10 yrs.

Recently, I've been experiencing extreme anxiety episodes, and everytime I think about my relationship or my friends or relatives, I get this tightness in my stomach and I get sick and I don't want anything to do with them.

I think anxiety can be so over powering and it makes everything feel wrong.

I agree with IsaJett, let him know what's going on and take some time.

Hope this helps